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办公室“过度安静”是一种病

2020-12-23

阅读与作文(英语初中版) 2020年12期
关键词:响铃干杯邓肯

Crystal: Hey Duncan, thx for meeting me here.

Duncan: You know me; Im always up for some after-hours libation.

Crystal: But for me, its less about the drinks and more about the conversations. Being at the bar, you can hear this tumult of social interaction reaching a fever pitch, the polar opposite of how it is up there in the office every day.

Duncan: I believe thats by design, dear Crystal, since this sort of stirring and commotion would make it all but impossible to get any work done.

Crystal: But this isnt my first rodeo. Ive worked at plenty of other companies in my time, and never have I witnessed the kind of chilling stillness and silence that weve got going on at GlobalCorp.

Duncan: I still dont get why its such a problem for you? I mean, most people, including myself, tend to thrive in a quiet environment. Whereas at home, with the wife interrupting me and kids whining and tugging on my clothes, its practically impossible to get through any sort of work related assignment.

Crystal: But our office feels more like were in a vacuum.

Duncan: You mean its sucking our souls away like a giant Hoover?

Crystal: No…Well, yes. But no, thats not what I meant. I meant its more like a black hole or some other soundless environment.

Duncan: And I once again reiterate—why is it a bad thing? I love peace and quiet.

Crystal: Well, theres plenty of quiet. But peace is at a premium.

Duncan: And whats that cryptic proclamation supposed to mean? That you need another drink?

Crystal: No. Well, actually, yes, I would like another. But Im saying that quiet doesnt necessarily lead to peace and/or comfort. Like when the phone rings, do you ever notice peoples behavior at their desks?

Duncan: Not really, cuz Im usually doing this thing that they recommend doing at work all the time, called working…

Crystal: Well, as it so happens, Im a bit of a people watcher and—

Duncan: ①Is that sort of like a bird watcher, or more like a peeping Tom?

Crystal: The former. ②And thanks for that pot shot, but no Im not some voyeur getting off on my colleagues conversations.

Duncan: Alright then. So, what do you observe when the phone rings? Crystal: Almost all the employees suddenly drop their pens and start listening to whats being said.

Duncan: And how is that much different than what youre doing, by dropping your own pen to analyze our colleagues antics?

Crystal: Dont you see? We are all suffering from Pin-drop Syndrome, because its so quiet you could hear a pin drop. And being distracted by even the slightest noise or movement is a major symptom of this little-known illness!

Duncan: So youre saying that what our office actually needs is the occasional interaction between colleagues during work hours, is that it?

Crystal: It couldnt hurt.

Duncan: Then its settled. Ill come over and chat you up tomorrow after lunch. But first, lets finish these and complain about work some more, because its probably better to bad mouth our bosses a safe distance from work.

Crystal: You got it. Cheers!

Duncan: Lchaim.

克里斯特尔:嗨,邓肯,谢谢你的到来。

邓肯:你懂我的,我老是等着下班过来喝酒。

克里斯特尔:但是对我来说,这不单纯是喝酒,更多的是可以谈天说地。待在酒吧里,你可以听到人们交往时的喧闹。这种喧闹达到了一种狂热的程度,与我们每天上班工作的办公室的气氛截然相反。

邓肯:我相信那是故意的,亲爱的克里斯特尔,因为在這种喧哗与吵闹下人们不可能完成工作。

克里斯特尔:但我也算是职场老将。我曾经在其他很多公司工作过,但从未感受到在跨国公司里的这种令人心寒的沉寂和安静。

邓肯:我还是不明白为什么你觉得它是个问题?我的意思是,大部分人,包括我自己,都更倾向于在一个安静的环境中努力工作。然而在家,我的妻子会不停地打断我工作,孩子们哭哭啼啼还拉扯我的衣服,这简直是不可能完成任何一种要完成的工作。

克里斯特尔:但是我们的办公室更像是在真空里一样安静。

邓肯:你的意思是它像是一个巨大的胡佛电动吸尘器,把我们的灵魂都吸进去了?

克里斯特尔:不……呃,好吧。但是不,那不是我想表达的意思。我的意思是它更像是一个黑洞或是其他无声的环境。

邓肯:我再重申一下我的问题——为什么它不好?我喜欢平和和安静的气氛。

克里斯特尔:嗯,安静有很多种,然而平和与宁静很受青睐。

邓肯:你这种隐晦的宣告有何用意?是你需要再喝一杯的意思吗?

克里斯特尔:不。好吧,事实上,是的,我还要再来一杯。但是我是说安静的结果并不必然让人感觉平和或者舒服的。就像当电话响铃时,你可曾留意过人们在办公桌前的反应?

邓肯:那倒没有,因为我通常在上班时间一直做这种人们建议我去做的事情,也就是工作……

克里斯特尔:嗯,碰巧,我有点像一位人群看守人和——

邓肯:是不是有点像是看鸟人,或者更像是偷窥狂?

克里斯特尔:像看鸟人。谢谢你那恣意的批评,但是我不是某个以偷听同事间聊天为乐的偷窥狂。

邓肯:那好吧。所以,在电话响铃时,你观察到什么?

克里斯特尔:几乎所有员工突然放下他们手头工作,开始听那个人在说些什么。

邓肯:那跟你现在所做的事情有啥区别?你不也是放下手头的工作去分析我们同事古怪滑稽的行为?

克里斯特尔:你还不明白吗?我们都患有过度安静综合征,办公室安静得让人觉得连掉根针都可以听得见。这种不知名的疾病的主要症状就是即便是最微弱的声音或最细微的动作都会让人工作分心!

邓肯:所以你是说我们办公室真正需要的是工作时同事间偶尔的人际沟通,对吗?

克里斯特尔:那样无妨。

邓肯:那就说定了。明天我会在吃完午饭之后过来找你闲聊。但首先让我们先喝掉这些,再继续吐更多关于工作的苦水,因为也许离工作场合一段安全的距离后再来说我们老板的坏话会更好。

克里斯特尔:好样的。干杯!

邓肯:干杯。

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