张造云

One Monday evening， I did some cleaning at school. I went back home very late. When I was on my way to home①， I saw a man making a show with his monkeys. The monkeys made faces and it made me laugh and laugh. The monkeys were so funny that I forgot to go home.

After the show， it was half past six. I realized it was too late to get home. I couldnt wait the bus any longer so I ran as fast I could. When I got home， it was seven oclock. It was unlucky that the power was off in our town. We had no light everywhere. I knocked at the door， I hear② my sisters voice， “Why you are so late？” I didnt say anything. I was afraid to say I had spent some time in watch③ the monkey show. When the door was open， I was frightened by my sister.

“Who are you？ You look like a ghost. You arent my sister， are you？” I asked her.

“Im really your sister. Look， I put some cucumber slices onto my face. The book says the cucumber can make girls more beautiful. Sorry， I forgot the power was off tonight，” said my sister with a smile.

湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校八（59）班 张永

点评

1. 优点：

小作者将生活中的平凡小事写得生动有趣，生活气息浓郁。本文内容连贯，语言生动，自然流畅，是一篇不错的学生习作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① to home改为home。home是副词，前面不能直接加to，on ones way home是固定的短语搭配；

② hear改为heard。前面用的是过去时，保持前后时态的一致性；

③ watch改为watching。in是介词，后面的动词要用动名词。

3. 评分：

按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准，本文修改前可得13分。