宋怡秋

哦，中学校园里，总有一些闪亮的身影。他们看起来很酷，自信满满，肆意张扬，被一群人前呼后拥，让人好生羡慕。为了成为这样的人，我费尽心思改变自己，却被朋友说我太做作，真绝望！不过，做个校园红人真的那么重要吗？想方设法讨别人喜欢又是为了什么？与其太过在意别人的评价，变得敏感、不自信，不如回归自身，充实自己，恣意地展现自我。那时你就会发现，其实那些校园红人并没特意做什么，只是在忠实地做自己而已。

Throughout my entire middle school experience， there was not one day where somebody in my grade wasn't "literally about to cry". This is normal， typical teenager behavior—obsessing， fretting1）， over-analyzing every small detail. What I know now as I'm entering high school is this： 98 percent of what we worried about in middle school never even mattered.

It turns out that whether or not the boy who sat to the right of you in 6th grade science thought you were pretty on a particular Tuesday in January did not change the course of your life. Neither did the girl you liked who never texted you back. Or whether or not you were invited to "that" party a month ago.

But as any middle schooler knows， when you are in the smack2） middle of this angst3）， it's hard to see beyond it. It's hard to see beyond the glossy4） seats of the popular kids' lunch table or the glisten5） in the smile of the person you like. I'm pretty sure I can say that you have pondered the thought of your social standing at some point in your life. I certainly have.

I came to Calhoun （a K-126） progressive school7） in New York City） in 5th grade with a desire for popularity. I thought popularity was the key to happiness. Or at least that's what the TV shows and movies promised for the popular girls with hair that bounced and the nerdy girls who ended up being popular due to some sort of magical makeover.

In my nave 5th grade mind I thought Calhoun was a place where there was no social hierarchy8）， or at least， if there was one， I could be on top of9） it. Like any new girl coming into a grade with people who have known each other their entire lives， I quickly realized I was wrong.

See， the thing is， during our middle school years， teachers and parents repeatedly tell us that if we question the status quo10） and listen to our hearts， we will be our best selves. And while that's true and we all strive to be our best selves， each of us still struggles with wanting to belong.

About a year ago， I sat in the passenger side of my mom's car， ranting11） about either not being well enough liked， not having enough friends or not being good enough （all of which are in the repertoire12） of things my mom has to hear me complain about ... on a daily basis）. It was about halfway through my diatribe13） that she decided to speak up. "I just think you are putting too much on the idea of popular kids."

"I am not，" I spat14） back and that's when she said it： "What do the popular kids have that you don't？"

By this point in the conversation， I had lost all of my ability to debate， so I just sat there in my seat and mumbled15）， "Stuff." What I should have said is that I don't know what the popular kids have that I don't， but it's something. We spend so much of middle school time trying to figure out what makes the "cool kids" cool.

Is it whether they wear Jordans or LeBrons， have straight or curly hair， or listen to indie16） or pop？ So maybe you go on a diet until you see chocolate that wants you. You grow a beard until you realize it looks patchy17）. You stop holding your parents' hand in public. The problem is that none of these things really work. The only thing accomplished by not holding your parents' hands is hurting their feelings. All growing a patchy beard does is make you look young， and all going on a diet does is make you feel fat.

So why do we do it？

Well， it's hard not to when that is the culture that surrounds us. We see it when a select group of mothers get lunch together weekly， or when fathers only shake certain father's hands. We see it in the cliques18） teachers form， but most importantly， we see in each other. It is apparent in every dirty look， hair flip and phony19） smile. We see it at the empty chairs that are miraculously full when we go to sit in them. It is overheard in the whispers about who is hot and who is not. We see it on Instagram when your best friend has more likes than you do.

What we realize now that middle school is over is that if the world depended on whether or not the boy who was sitting to the right of you in your 6th grade science thought you were pretty on a particular Tuesday in January， then maybe the fretting and worrying would be worth it. But the thing is， in the long-run， none of this stuff will matter. Because in 20 years from now， that particular Tuesday will be just one of a hundred Tuesdays where you hoped a boy thought you were pretty. This is why we need to take more from our time in middle school than just a wild goose chase20） of popularity.

Now as I'm about to enter high school， I hope to take with me my math teacher's capability to make math fun， or my science teacher's faith that we could all become scientists if we wanted to.

I want to model my seventh grade English teacher's ability to both see the kindness and draw it out of people and remember my 8th grade English teacher's dedication21） to get children to be aware of all the circles of social responsibility around them. I hope to take my history teacher's way of making history entertaining， enjoyable and educational. I hope to live with my dean's22） passion for change and my principal's belief that every single one of us will succeed as long as we remember to take charge， lead and listen to our hearts. Because in 20 years from now， I hope I won't remember my middle school years by what lunch table I sat at， but will remember it for Wednesday dance parties， the advisor who changed everything and the teachers that inspired me.

In 20 years from now， I hope we will remember Calhoun for every smile or laugh that was shared together， every song that was sung and every time we truly loved a friend.

The truth is， popular kids have a quality about them that is mystifying23）. It's not a pair of sneakers or a certain lip color. It can't be simmered down24） to "21 Ways to Be Popular" or "Popularity in 19 Days". Popularity in its simplest definition is accepting who you are and flaunting25） it. So go out there guys， and flaunt it.

在我整个初中阶段，我们年级里每天都会有个同学“简直要哭出来了”。这是正常又典型的青少年行为——心事重重，烦躁不安，对每个小细节都想得太多。如今我就要升入高中了，到现在我才懂得：初中时让我们烦恼的那些事当中有98%甚至从来就不重要。

事实证明，六年级科学课上坐在你右边的男生在1月的某个星期二是否觉得你漂亮并没有改变你的人生。还有那个你喜欢她但她却从不回你短信的女孩，或者一个月前你有没有获邀参加“那场”派对，这些都没有改变你的人生。

但是，正如任何一位初中生都知道的那样，当你恰好身处这些忧虑之中，你很难不会当局者迷。你很难不去关注校园红人的午餐桌旁那充满虚荣的座位，或是你喜欢的人那灿烂的笑容。我敢肯定我可以这样说：你在生活中的某个时刻一定思考过自己在同学中的地位问题。我当然也想过。

五年级时，我抱着成为校园红人的愿望来到卡尔洪（纽约市一所实行进步教育法的基础教育学校）。……