杨扬

Penguins and Zoo

A man is driving down the freeway with his two pet penguins when he gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. After the cop hands over the speeding ticket to the driver， he notices the two penguins. The cop informs the driver that he must take the penguins to the zoo. The driver agrees to do so.

Two months later， the same man is pulled over by the same cop for speeding. The cop notices the penguins again only now they are wearing sun glasses and eating ice cream.

The cop says， “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man responds， “I did take them to the zoo， now I'm taking them to the beach.”

企鵝和动物园

一个人带着两只宠物企鹅在高速公路上开车，然后因为超速被一个警察抄了牌子。警察将超速罚单交给他时，他注意到了这两只企鹅，并告诉这个人，必须把企鹅带去动物园。这个人同意了。

两个月后，这个人又被同一个警察因为超速逮到了。警察再一次注意到了企鹅，它们还戴着太阳眼镜，吃着冰激凌。

警察说：“我想我已经告诉你要把这些企鹅带去动物园了。”

这个人回答道：“我确实带了它们去动物园呀，现在我要带它们去沙滩。”

Bad News and Good News

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been anyone interest in his paintings currently on display.

“I've got good news and bad news，” owner replied.

“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”

“When I told him it would， he bought all fifteen of your paintings.”

“That's wonderful！” the artist exclaimed， “What's the bad news？”

With concern， the gallery owner replied， “The guy was your doctor.”

好消息和坏消息

一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。

“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。

“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。”

“我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”

“真是太好了”，艺术家喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”

带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答：“买画的人是你的医生”。

Blind Date

A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression.

The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu， shrimp cocktail， pate， Caesar Salad， lobster， crepes Suzette， with no regard to the price.

The guy is getting very upset， as he never thought she would order so much.

She then stops， and looks across at him， and asks， “What do you suggest I wash it down with？”

“Well my dear， I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River.”

相亲

一个小伙子被安排去相亲，为了能给女孩留一个好印象，他带着她去了家收费昂贵的餐厅。

服务生过来问他们要点些什么菜。

女孩开始点菜了，她几乎点了菜单上所有的东西，鸡尾虾、派、凯撒沙拉、龙虾、柳橙可丽饼，完全不考虑价格。

小伙子变得很不安，他真没想到女孩竟然会点这么多菜。

这时她停下了，看着坐在对面的他，问道：“你认为咱们该喝什么酒水配这些菜呢？”

“哦，亲爱的，我觉得没有什么东西比密西西比河更合适了。”