by Kate Auletta

I dont know why this bothers me so much， being called“maam注.” I am， after all， 30， pregnant[怀孕] and happen to have some laugh lines that could be construed[理解] as wrinkles[皱纹].

It happened recently on the subway coming home from work. The subways were packed[拥挤的] because train service was down courtesy of[承蒙某人的好意] Hurricane Sandy . There I stood， holding onto the pole， balancing my growing tummy， my bag and my awesome game of Tetris[俄罗斯方块] on my iPhone.

A man， no more than 40， sat reading his newspaper， occasionally glancing up at me clearly having that internal monologue[独白] wherein[在那里] he debated with himself whether I was， in fact， pregnant and therefore he should give up his seat， or just fat. A few stops went by， and a woman sitting in front of me offered me her seat. I politely declined[拒绝]， thinking how good it felt to stand up after sitting all day.

And then it happened. A shrill[刺耳的]， 20-something voice broke the silence as the train clacked[喀哒声响] over the bridge. “Maam？” she said. I didnt respond， thinking she couldnt possibly be talking to me. “Maam？” the young woman likely born in the 1990s said again.“Would you like to sit down？”

I was too stunned[感到惊讶] to respond. This kind young woman， who looked to be quietly doing her homework， was calling me maam. Has it really come to this？ After realizing the silence， I quickly said， “No， Im fine， but thank you.”

I spent the rest of the train ride feeling—what？—uncertain， definitely unhappy and maybe even a little bit sad.

While Im under no false pretenses[欺诈] that Im a spring chicken[（俚语）年轻人]， I still consider myself to be in my post-graduate years. In fact， I planned to remain in my postgraduate years for quite a long time. Have those times come and gone？ Am I now relegated[沦落] to the role of being someones mother， even though I wont literally be for a few more months？ I still bristle[愤怒] ever-soslightly when someone calls me a woman rather than a girl （whole other loaded issue， I know）.

Am I overreacting？ Did a stranger on the subway see me—a pregnant woman—and automatically[自动地] call me maam just out of courtesy？ Possibly.

In reflecting on the moment a few weeks later， I think what jarred[动摇] me most about my maaming wasnt just that a younger woman acknowledged my post-graduate status in public. Maybe what really got me was that she recognized that Ive moved on to the next phase of my life—before I could admit it to myself.

我不知道为什么被唤作“大妈”这件事会令我如此困扰。毕竟，我才30岁，怀有身孕，脸上偶尔有些可以被认为是皱纹的笑纹。

这事儿最近发生在地铁上，我下班回家途中。因为这是桑迪飓风期间依然运行服务的列车，所以车上挤满了人。我就站在那里，抓着吊杆，维持着我那日渐膨胀的肚子、手提包与苹果手机里超棒的俄罗斯方块游戏之间的平衡。

一个不到四十岁的男人，正坐着看报纸，间或抬眼看看我，显然在心里纠结着我是真的怀孕了，他该让座，还是只是肥胖。几个迟疑瞬间过后，坐在我前面的一个女士给我让座。我礼貌地拒绝了，想着坐了一整天后站一下，感觉很好。

然后事情发生了。一个刺耳的、二十多岁的年轻嗓音在列车噼啪作响地过桥时打破了沉默。“大妈？”她说。我没有回应，认为她叫的不可能是我。“大妈？”那个很可能是9 0后的年轻女子再次说道。“您要不要坐下来？”

我震惊到无法回应她。这个看起来正在安静做作业的善良的年轻女子，叫我大妈！怎么会这样？在意识到（周围的）沉默后，我马上回答：“不用了，我这样很好，但还是谢谢你。”

在之后的乘车时间里，我一直沉浸在复杂的感觉中——什么？——不敢相信，很不开心，也许还有点难过。

当然我并不是巧立名目地假装自己是个年轻少女，但我仍认为自己还处于读研的岁月中。事实上，我计划在很长的一段时间里保持读研时的状态。那些岁月已经离我远去了吗？即使在几个月后我就成为某个人的母亲，但现在我就要进入这个角色了吗？现在，我还是会因为被唤作女人而不是女孩子感到些许生气（完全是另一个沉重的话题，我知道）。

是我反应过度了吗？一个陌生人在地铁里看到我——一个怀孕的女人——不经思索地叫我大妈只是出于礼貌吗？也许是吧。

几周后，在我反复思考那个瞬间之时，我想到这个大妈称号最刺激我的并不只是因为那个比我年轻一点的女人公开道破了我的研究生身份。真正令我生气的也许是她认为我已经进入了人生的下一个阶段——而我自己还没承认这一点。