◎赵 伐 浙江外国语学院，教授

【写作任务】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Megan is a bright and curious little girl,as are mostchildrenof eight years old.When walking she looks up,down,or sideways,never where she’s going.One day,she spotted,partly covered by leaves and litter,a 100 dollarbill.She looked to see if anyone was watching and bent down to crumple the bill in her tiny hand.Sliding it into her jacket pocket,she took anotherguiltylook around and then hurried off to school.

Her day was spent watching herjackethung on the wall by the door.During lunch,she took it off and ran to the far side of the playground to pull out the crumpled bill and stare at it and see that it was real and nowbelongedto her.When some older kids wandered by,she put it back into her pocket quickly and rushed back into the school.

It wasn’t until she was riding home on the school bus that she started to wonder about who the bill had belonged to before it came to be hers.“Probably somebody rich”,she thought.“Why else would they be socarelesswith 100 dollars?”

She imagined a tall man in a fine wooljacketwalking to his big car and pulling out a roll of money,not noticing as one bill drifted to theground.Putting the roll back in his pocket,he climbed into his car and drove away.Just then,a wind blew some leaves to cover most of the lost bill.

But then she thought,what if the bill had been a present for his little niece living with her grandma because her parents were killed in a car crash.She’d have treasured that 100 dollars because it came from hergenerousuncle.And she’d be dreaming,even now if she hadn’t realized she’d lost it,of all thetoysand treats the bill could buy.She could use it to buy a present for hergrandmother.She would be heartbroken to find she’d lost that$100.

注意：

1.应使用5个以上短文中标有下画线的关键词语；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已写好；

3.续写完成后，请用下画线标出你所使用的关键词语。

Paragraph 1：

Walking slowly towards her house,she debated whether to tell her mom of her new-found treasure.Obviously she would lose it if she told mom1.She knew the chance to keep this fortune2was slim for mom had never been a pushover.How she wished she could own thebill,but the whole day she was haunted byguilty3.It might be the last glimmer of hope for a child.4For an honest kid likes5Megan,greed may occupy6her for a while,but determination7always wins out.Finally,she hung out her fortune from thejacket after the dinner.8

Paragraph 2：

The next day was Saturday,and Megan and her mom arrived at the local supermarket early.It was the largest chance they could return the Franklin to itscarelessowner.9Sitting on a bench opposite the toy shop,Megan stared at the cute dolls in an upset10mood.They could have been hers!After two hours11patient waiting,they finally found that12a young boy staring at theground,who seemed axiously13looking for something.There is no doubt he is14the loser.Mom asked Megan give thebillback and after she returning,she found excitedly that a large doll was bought bymom.15It was a reward to the priceless goods,a pure honest angel’s heart.

【赵教授批改】

1.前一句出现过her mom，这里可用her来指代。如果单独使用mom，则需首字母大写Mom。

2.fortune可改为treasure,以呼应第一句中的new-found treasure。

3.guilty是形容词，应改为名词guilt。

4.last glimmer of hope指的是什么？这里表述得不清楚，建议删去此句。

5.like(s)是动词，这里应该使用介词like。

6.occupy的宾语一般为表示空间的词语，而这里的宾语是人，建议改为take hold of。

7.光是determination，意思还不够完整，建议加上determination to be an honest girl。

8.hung是hang的过去分词，意思是“悬挂”，而这里的意思是“交出”，改为handed。

9.Franklin原本指百元美钞上的富兰克林头像，这里喻指那张百元美钞。不过，这种修辞手法虽然可以营造出一种调侃的口吻，但整篇文章的语气却比较正式，因此，这里突然出现调侃显得比较突兀。整句话建议改为：There was a good chance for them to find the careless owner there and return the bill to him.

10.上一段已经写她下定决心要做诚实的孩子，这里的upset似乎缺少呼应。建议改为longingly。

11.two hours patient waiting改为two hours’patient waiting。

12.found that改为saw，可直接跟上宾语a young boy。

13.axiously有拼写错误，正确拼写是anxiously。

14.is改为was;he is改为he was。作者在叙述一件过去发生的事，因此这里的动词必须用过去时态。

15.这句话有多处错误，修改如下：Mom asked Megan（to）give the bill back(to the boy)and after she returning(that),Megan（she 改为Megan,因为前面的主语是Mom，这里用she容易混淆）found excitedly that a large doll was bought by mom(her mom).

【赵教授总结】

续写的第一段较好地叙述了Megan捡到百元大钞想据为己有，但回家之后却忐忑不安的矛盾心情。不过，这一段的最后一句还需添加一个衔接句，如：Both the mother and the daughter agreed to find the bill’s owner the next day.为下一段的第一句做铺垫。第二段描写了次日Megan与母亲一起找到失主的经历。语言较为流畅，但还存在较多的语法、用法错误。修改后的段落如下：

Walking slowly towards her house,she debated whether to tell her mom of her new-found treasure.Obviously,she would lose it if she told Mom.She knew the chance to keep this treasure was slim,for Mom had never been a pushover as far as one’s morals are concerned.How she wished she could own thebill,but the whole day she was haunted by guilt.For an honest kid like Megan,greed may take hold of her for a while,but determination to be an honest girl always wins out.Finally,she handed out her fortune from thejacketafter the dinner.Both the mother and the daughter agreed to find thebill’s owner the next day.

The next day was Saturday,and Megan and her mom arrived at the local supermarket early.There was a good chance for them to find thecarelessowner there and return thebillto him.Sitting on a bench opposite the toy shop,Megan stared longingly at the cute dolls in the shop windows.They could have been hers!After two hours’patient waiting,they finally saw a young boy staring at theground,who seemed anxiously to look for something.There was no doubt he was the loser.Mom asked Megan to give thebillback to the boy.After that,Megan found excitedly that a large doll was bought by her mom.It was a reward to a priceless thing in her,a pure honest angel’s heart.