张岚

【问题导读】

好的开头是文章成功的一半，续写部分的开头是阅卷人最先入目的部分。获取阅卷人良好的第一印象非常重要，那么，在续写故事的时候，我们应当怎样写好开头，让文章更出彩呢？

【名师导学】

1. 历年高考读后续写给出的都是两个段落，且段首句均已给出，故我们所说的文章开篇指的是紧接各段首句的部分。

2. 续写部分的开篇受所给段首句、故事情节、原文语言风格的制约。开篇要与所给段首句保持连贯，要有利于促进故事主题的升华，并尽可能符合原文的叙事风格和逻辑。

3. 文章的开篇既要追求表达方式的精彩与独到，同时又要避免语法硬伤，否则会影响阅卷人对续写部分语言质量的评价。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事，续写词数应为150左右。

Pumpkin （南瓜） carving at Halloween is a family tradition. We visit a local farm every October. In the pumpkin field， I compete with my three brothers and sister to seek out the biggest pumpkin. My dad has a rule that we have to carry our pumpkins back home， and as the eldest child I have an advantage—I carried an 85?pounder back last year.

This year， it was hard to tell whether my prize or the one chosen by my 14?year?old brother， Jason， was the winner. Unfortunately， we forgot to weigh them before taking out their insides， but I was determined to prove my point. All of us were hard at work at the kitchen table， with my mom filming the annual event. I'm unsure now why I thought forcing my head inside the pumpkin would settle the matter， but it seemed to make perfect sense at the time.

With the pumpkin resting on the table， hole uppermost， I bent over and pressed my head against the opening. At first I got jammed just above my eyes and then， as I went on with my task， unwilling to quit， my nose briefly prevented entry. Finally I managed to put my whole head into it， like a cork （軟木塞） forced into a bottle. I was able to straighten up with the huge pumpkin resting on my shoulders.

My excitement was short?lived. The pumpkin was heavy. “I'm going to set it down， now，” I said， and with Jason helping to support its weight， I bent back over the table to give it somewhere to rest. It was only when I tried to remove my head that I realized getting out was going to be less straightforward than getting in. When I pulled hard， my nose got in the way. I got into a panic as I pressed firmly against the table and moved my head around trying to find the right angle， but it was no use. “I can't get it out！” I shouted， my voice sounding unnaturally loud in the enclosed space.

Paragraph 1：

I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2033E458-44C2-4FBD-90E0-F7CA7DFA65EC

Paragraph2：

The video was posted the day before Halloween.

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一、故事梳理

浙江省2021年1月的英语高考卷中的读后续写叙述的是万圣节时作者与兄弟姐妹们比拼谁能摘得最大的南瓜的故事。为了证明自己的南瓜是最大的，作者把头伸进了南瓜里，不料被南瓜卡住，在家人的帮助下，作者最终把头从南瓜里移了出来。

二、常用招式

妙招1：使用形容词或副词开头

英语中的形容词或副词分类多样，有的可以表达开心和快乐，有的可以表达失望与沮丧，有的可以表达紧张与害怕，有的则可以表达放松与勇敢。巧妙地使用这些形容词或副词，既可以让人物的描写更加生动形象，也可以让情节的渲染更加扣人心弦，从而增强故事的张力。

续写第一段的段首句是“I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.”。通过该句，我们可以推断出“我”的头被卡住后的心情一定是紧张且害怕的。因此，我们可以用“Frightened， nervous， and at a loss what to do， I immediately began to shout for help.”開头来续写下去。这里使用了表示情绪的形容词frightened和nervous，并使用了副词immediately，生动形象地描述了“我”当时的心情。

妙招2：使用非谓语动词开头

非谓语动词包括现在分词、过去分词、动词不定式和动名词。非谓语动词可以表示原因、条件、伴随、结果等情况，既可以使叙述更加生动，又可以改变语言的节奏，从而使表达方式更加丰富多样。

第一段的续写除了使用形容词和副词开头，我们还可以用“Beating the pumpkin as hard as I could， I was anxious whether there was anyone who could come to help.”开头来续写下去。这里的非谓语动词短语Beating the pumpkin as hard as I could很好地表现了“我”的焦虑和惊慌失措。

妙招3：使用细节描写开头

叙述性的语言会使得故事的叙述较为平淡。细节描写就是作者通过具体的形象化的语言写人、状物，把客观对象写得有声、有色、有味、有形，使人有身临其境、如睹其人、如闻其声、如嗅其味、如见其色、如历其事的感觉。在续写时，我们可以多使用人物描写和环境描写，以增强表达效果。人物描写包括语言描写、动作描写、肖像描写以及心理描写等。环境描写则包括自然环境描写和社会环境描写。

续写部分的第一段，我们可以用环境描写开头，如“It was totally dark inside the pumpkin and it was dead silent around me except my cry for help. Nobody heard me！”。本句写了南瓜里的黑暗和周围环境的沉寂。环境描写使读者获得了身临其境的感觉。

续写部分的第二段，我们则可以用心理描写开头，如“Seeing the funny video of my getting stuck in the pumpkin， I was so embarrassed that I hoped that I could be a little mouse so that I could hide in a dark hole where no one could find me.”。本句使用embarrassed一词进行心理描写，兼用了现在分词和比喻的手法来展开续写，生动地表现了“我”看到视频后十分尴尬的心情。

妙招4：使用修辞手法开头

英语中的修辞多种多样，常见的修辞包括比喻、拟人、夸张、典故、双关、仿拟、设问、反讽、排比、反复等。使用修辞手法，可以让文章文采斐然，增强可读性。

续写第一段的段首句为“I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.”，写出了“我”被卡住后的无奈、沮丧和焦虑。我们可以用“The pumpkin became a tight hoop spell around my neck.”开头，把卡住“我”的头的南瓜比喻成a tight hoop spell around my neck，这既生动形象，又令人忍俊不禁。

续写第二段的段首句为“The video was posted the day before Halloween.”，我们依然可用比喻的手法进行续写，如“It turned a overwhelming advertisement for someone hoping to become well known rather than me.”。本句将发布在网上的被南瓜卡住头的视频比喻成疯传的广告，生动表现了该视频传播的速度。2033E458-44C2-4FBD-90E0-F7CA7DFA65EC

妙招5：使用拟声手法开头

拟声本是音韵上的一种修辞格。英语中的拟声就是对客观世界里的声音的模拟。这种修辞的运用能真实地表现事物的特点，渲染气氛，使人如闻其声、如见其人、如临其境。高考读后续写的语篇多与生活联系紧密，尤其是涉及“脱险”话题的语篇较多。在这些文章中，人物的行为常常伴随着一些声音，这使得拟声手法有了更多的用武之地。我们在写作时可以尝试更多地使用拟声手法续写故事，从而增强表达效果。

根据续写第一段的段首句，我们可以提出以下问题：当“我”的头被卡住且“我”的呼救声无法被别人听到时，“我”该如何传递求救信息呢？这时，用手拍南瓜使其发出声音或许就是最好的求救信号。于是我们可以用“Bang！Bang！Bang！I beat the pumpkin as hard as possible.”来描写当时的情景，这里连续使用拟声词bang，刻画了“我”当时急于得到帮助的举动，从而使读者获得听觉上的刺激。续写第二段中，我们则可以用“Seeing the funny video of my head getting stuck in the pumpkin， I desperately fought the urge to giggle. It was too funny and embarrassing！”开头。句中的giggle一词意为“咯咯地笑”，它的使用使得文章妙趣横生。

英语中的拟声词可以描绘飞禽走兽的声音，可以描绘大自然的声音，也可以描绘物体碰撞的声音。我们将常用的一些拟声词归纳如下：

1. 描绘动物的声音的拟声词

禽类

Chickens cheep. 小鸡叽叽叫。

Cocks crow. 雄鸡喔喔啼。

Hens cackle. 母鸡咯咯叫。

Turkeys gobble. 火鸡咯咯叫。

Ducks quack. 鸭子呱呱叫。

Geese gaggle. 鹅嘎嘎叫。

Doves coo. 鸽子咕咕叫。

Parrots squawk. 鹦鹉咯咯呱呱叫。

Magpies chatter. 喜鹊喳喳叫。

Sparrows twitter. 麻雀喳喳叫。

Cuckoos cuckoo. 杜鹃声声啼。

Swallows chirp. 燕子啁啾。

走兽

Dogs bark. 犬吠。

Pigs grunt. 猪哼哼。

Asses bray. 驴子嘶叫。

Lions roar. 狮子吼。

Horses neigh. 马嘶鸣。

Bulls bellow. 公牛吼叫。

Cows moo. 母牛哞哞叫。

Cats meow. 猫喵喵叫。

Sheep bleat. 羊咩咩叫。

Wolves howl. 狼嚎。

Mice squeak. 老鼠吱吱叫。

Tigers growl/roar. 老虎咆哮。

Elephants trumpet. 大象吼叫。

昆蟲

Bees hum. 蜜蜂嗡嗡响。

Crickets chirp. 蟋蟀唧唧叫。

Mosquitoes buzz. 蚊子嗡嗡叫。

Flies drone. 苍蝇嗡嗡嗡。

Frogs croak. 青蛙呱呱叫。

2. 描绘大自然的声音的拟声词

The north wind is whistling. 北风呼啸着。

The breeze murmurs in the pines. 微风里松树沙沙作响。

A gentle wind is whispering. 微风习习。

The thunder is rumbling. 雷声隆隆。

The rain was lashing （against） the window. 雨击打着窗户。

The stream is murmuring/bubbling. 小溪潺潺流水。

Waves are gently lapping against the shore. 海浪轻轻拍打着海岸。

The brook babbles/murmurs. 流水淙淙。

The strong wind whirls. 强风飕飕。

3. 描绘物体碰撞的声音的拟声词

clang：利器的铿锵声，使人感觉置身于刀光剑影中。

crack：可联想噼啪噼啪的房屋倒塌声。

jingle：清脆悦耳的铃铛声，仿佛可看到轻便马车从身边驶过。

There came the ticktack of high heels in the corridor. 走廊里传来高跟鞋的笃笃声。

The drunken driver drove bang into the store window. 醉醺醺的司机开车砰一声撞进了商店的橱窗。

And then the party drove off and vanished in the night shades， and Yeobrigh entered the house. The ticking of the clock was the only sound that greeted him， for not a soul remained. 于是这些人驱车离开，在夜色中消失了。姚布赖特走进房间，迎接他的只有滴答的钟声，因为没有一个人留下。2033E458-44C2-4FBD-90E0-F7CA7DFA65EC

I wish people wouldn't rustle their programs while the orchestra is playing. 我希望管弦乐队演奏时人们不要翻动节目单弄出沙沙声。

写好续写开篇的方式多种多样，同学们只有在平时的写作中多尝试、多总结才能不断提升写作水平，让自己的作品从一开始就吸引阅卷人，出奇制胜，从而取得满意的成绩。

【参考范文】

I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. The pumpkin became a tight hoop spell around my neck. Bang！ Bang！ Bang！ I beat the pumpkin as hard as pos-sible， hoping someone could come to help. Luckily enough， Dad heard me. Laying my head on the table， he carefully cut the pumpkin with a knife in half. I kept still with my eyes closed tightly. Nothing could be heard except the knife rustled in the pumpkin. Meanwhile， my mom filmed the whole process where I managed to get my head out of the hoop spell with the help of my dad， which was recorded as a short video.

The video was posted the day before Halloween. Seeing the funny video of my head get-ting stuck in the pumpkin， I desperately fought the urge to giggle. It was too funny and em-barrassing！ Never did I expect that I， along with my dad， my mom and Jason could become an online sensation in such a funny way. I reminded that whatever I would do after that， I must think twice before I leap in case that I get stuck in another tight hoop spell which ap-parently seemed to be intriguing.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

My best friend Lisa and I carefully wrote our words with a No. 2 pencil. We took turns to write down the sentences. “Dear Miss Hanley，” we wrote， “you like Kathleen better than you like us. That isn't fair.” Miss Hanley was our fourth?grade teacher. She was in her 20s， with short dark， curly hair and lively grey eyes. It was her first?year teaching in our public school in the northeast Bronx.

“You're a very talented writer，” Miss Hanley often told me. This excited me. A few weeks into this school year， Lisa and I co?authored a play based on our favorite novel， Little Women. And we performed the play in front of the class. When the curtain came down， the applause from the students was light. But Miss Hanley clapped strongly， saying， “Great！ Great！” Lisa and I ignored the other kids， and were high on her praise for days.

I didn't envy Lisa's relationship with Miss Hanley. Sharing Miss Hanley was a bond between us. In Miss Hanley's class， we behaved ourselves， although we couldn't help com-paring ourselves with Kathleen， whose demeanor （风度） and dress were perfect. Kathleen lived in her family's big house with a beautiful garden. Lisa and I lived in small apart-ments. Her eyes were as huge as those of most film stars. She spoke softly and politely. Her hair was waved， clean and tidy. My hair was loose and wild. Lisa and I wore clothes that didn't always match. I sometimes wore my sister's hand?me?downs. Kathleen did best in her studies and， of course， Miss Hanley liked her. The funny thing is that I didn't like Kath-leen and neither did Lisa. In fact， we didn't know why.2033E458-44C2-4FBD-90E0-F7CA7DFA65EC

Lisa and I continued writing our note to Miss Hanley， “You call on Kathleen more than you call on us. You like her because she is a goody?goody （善于讨好卖乖的人）. That's not fair！ Just that we are not goody?goodies does not mean you should like us less.”

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1：

My heart was pounding as we left the note before class on Miss Hanley's desk.

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Paragraph 2：

At three o'clock， Miss Hanley asked us to stay after class for a few minutes.

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【評价导思】

1. 我在续写开篇时，考虑到了哪些限制性因素？我的续写文章在情节、语言及逻辑方面是否与故事原文完美契合？

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2. 我采用了什么样的方式续写开篇的部分？我的方式是否能吸引阅卷人？

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3. 我还需要掌握哪些写好续写开篇的方式，以进一步提升续写的水平？

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