湖南

读后续写的评分标准中五档作文要求：与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接合理。有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑。据此，广大教师可以从段落架构入手进行写作教学。为了架构出连贯、流畅的段落，我们在段落展开的过程中要注意使用四个衔接策略：阐明及重申，对比，比较，因果。这四个策略通过逻辑关系的衔接促进段落发展，从而达到段落通顺和统一的目的。《怦然心动》（Flipped）这本书讲述了其貌不扬的小女孩和帅气小男孩的恋爱故事，有同名电影帮助学生理解故事情节，词汇难度适中，学生易读懂。在阅读中，学生能体会文本内容的趣味性、逻辑的连贯性、段落的统一性。在潜移默化的熏陶中，学生能学会创建段落框架、在关键点安插标志词，输出逻辑合理、结构清晰的文段。

一、阐明及重申

要想将一个抽象概念印刻在读者心中，最直接的手段就是阐明及重申。阐明通常是用举例的方式将抽象概念具体化，形成例证关系。重申可以通过同、近义词的相互叠加，形成递进式关系，也可以通过使用下义词对概念进行阐明的方法，形成总分的逻辑关系。

1.阐明

Chapter 1:Juli Baker is the kind of annoying person who makes a point of letting you know she’s smart.Her hand is the first one up;her answers are usually complete dissertations;her projects are always turned in early and used as weapons against the rest of the class.Teachers always have to hold her project up and say,“This is what I’m looking for,class.This is an example of A-plus work.”

第一句为核心句，而后面的句子则通过实例使读者具体感受到了Juli Baker 的聪明以及惹人讨厌之处。

2.重申

（1）Chapter 1:She didn’t just barge into my life.She barged and shoved and wedged her way into my life.Did we invite her to get into our moving van and start climbing all over boxes? No! But that’s exactly what she did,taking over and showing off like only Juli Baker can.

（2）Chapter 2:It was her hair.She had mountains of it,twisted this way or that,clipped or beaded,braided or swirled.Her ponytails rivaled the ones on carousel horses.And on the days she let it all hang down,she’d sort of shimmy and cuddle inside it like it was a blanket,so that practically all you saw of her face was her nose.

（3）Chapter 5:Then she races across the street in a flood of tears....I’d never seen Juli cry before.Not when she’d broken her arm in P.E.,not when she’d been teased at school or ditched by her brothers.Not even when they’d cut down the sycamore tree.I’m pretty sure she cried then,but I didn’t actually see it.To me,Juli Baker had always been too tough to cry.

在以上例子中，例（1）属于递进式近义词重申，“barged and shoved and wedged”“taking over and showing off ”属于渐强的近义词，将男孩对女主人公厌弃的神情加强式地推到读者眼前。例（2）是下义词重申，为了说明女主人公头发的整体质感，作者从发量、编织样式、垂感、光泽度方面进行了下义描述，结构上呈总分模式，符合人的认知顺序。例（3）为同、近义词重申，“a flood of tears”“I’d never seen Juli cry before”“Not when”“Not even when”“too tough to cry”都属于同、近义词阐明，能够从侧面烘托出女主人公平日里的坚强以及受到的打击之大。可借鉴的是，阐明及重申手段符合人理解事物的习惯，适用于将抽象事物具体化的场景。

二、对比

对比是通过前后事物的转折来凸显情节或者情感的转变，赋予文章变化之美，它可以通过逻辑副词以及情感词来实现。

1.逻辑副词

学生在阅读中可以积累常用的逻辑转折词，例如however,but,on the other hand...等，这有助于其设计故事情节转折，引导读者重点关注随后要发生的事或者要表达的观点。

（1）Chapter 1:Lucky for me,my dad was willing to run block.And he did it over and over again.He told her I was busy or sleeping or just plain gone.He was a lifesaver.My sister,on the other hand,tried to sabotage me any chance she got.Lynetta’s like that.

（2）Chapter 2:My mouth was watering just looking at it! But it was in Mrs.Loski’s hands,and I knew there was no getting it back.All I could do was try to eat up the smells while I listened to the two of them discuss grocery stores and the weather forecast.

（3）Chapter 7:Luckily I didn’t have to answer.He just grinned and said,“Some of us get dipped in flat,some in satin,some in gloss....”He turned to me.“But every once in a while you find someone who’s iridescent,and when you do,nothing will ever compare.”

例（1）对比突出爸爸（He）和姐姐的性格差异。例（2）对比体现了我对蛋糕的喜爱以及当时的无可奈何。例（3）带给人启发：有人住高楼，有人在深沟，有人光万丈，有人一身锈，世人万千种，浮云莫去求，斯人若彩虹，遇上方知有。

2.情感词

情感词的转折是通过绝对化的词给予读者以强烈的对比印象，例：

（1）Chapter 2:She’d bring in some note and be sure to swoon a little for the teacher the first few days of the year,after which she’d be excused from anything that required muscles.She never even put up her own chair at the end of the day.The only muscles she exercised regularly were the ones around her mouth,and those she worked out nonstop.

（2）Chapter 8:My father frowned and said,“When we signed the lease,he assured us he would fix the fences,front and back,and plant sod in the front yard.Obviously that never happened.”He shook his head.“It’s a major undertaking,and fencing is not cheap.I can’t see putting that sort of investment into a property that’s not ours.Plus,it’s the principle of the thing.”

例（1）通过be sure to do,never,only,nonstop 等词对比表现出女二号从不爱上体育课，只喜欢说闲话的特质。例（2）通过承诺以及承诺的落空对比表现出“我的父亲”对房东的失望。

对比不仅可以突出此物不同于他物的特质，而且还可以表现作者的褒贬之情，让读者产生共鸣。一篇好的记叙文不仅情节跌宕起伏，还能传递某种价值观。直接输出价值观略显生硬，通过对比他物能够更好地达到目的。

三、比较

比较是将两个熟悉的事物的相似特征进行对比，通过联想相似性激发读者的新的信息领域，它通过对比、打比方的方式来实现。

（1）Chapter 6:After they cut down the sycamore tree,it seemed like everything else fell apart,too.Champ died.And then I found out about the eggs.It was Champ’s time to go,and even though I still miss him,I think it’s been easier for me to deal with his death than it has been for me to deal with the truth about the eggs.

（2）Chapter 8:He wanted to know about the sycamore tree and seemed to understand exactly what I meant when I told about the whole being greater than the sum of its parts.“It’s that way with people,too,”he said,“only with people it’s sometimes that the whole is less than the sum of the parts.”

（3）Chapter 13:My mom came up and gave me a hug and a kiss like I’d won a gold medal or something,then whispered,“My little baby,”and clickity-clicked off in her high heels,back to work.

例（1）中，Juli（女主人公）的鸡蛋被Bryce（男主人公）扔掉，这比宠物狗的死去更让她难过。例（2）通过绘画中各部分组成的整体会大于或者小于部分之美的道理，类比有时人从整体上并没有从部分上看那么美，从而揭示了要注重心灵美的价值观。例（3），Bryce 的妈妈因儿子被选为basket boy 而兴奋得好像他得了金牌一样。作者将这一场景描写得非常生动。比较是一门艺术，它能够引导我们的注意力转向，用旧知识刺激新的知识框架。

四、因果

追寻因果律是人类的本能，所以在阅读以及写作中一定要清楚地交代事件的原因及结果，这样才符合人的认知思维方式。因果关系能够解释说明事物发展的起因、过程，以及结果。常见的表因果的连词有because,why,as,since等。但也有不给连词直接先因后果或先果后因的情况。

（1）Chapter 9:My dad muttered that if we were really going to do this,it would be a whole lot better to barbecue because at least that way he’d have something to do,but my mom positively smoked him with her eyes and he dropped it.

（2）Chapter 7:①My grandfather’s cheeks are seriously flushed,but his voice is rock-steady as he says,...My grandfather slams his hand on the table and half-stands as he says,“It had nothing to do with chromosomes,Rick! It was caused by a lack of oxygen at birth.”②“One’s character is set at an early age,son.The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life.”He was quiet for a minute,then dropped the curtain and said,“I hate to see you swim out so far you can’t swim back.”

例（1）和例（2）的①是先果后因，例（2）的②是先因后果，我们可以通过因果讲述故事或者升华主题。因果律是人们探究事物发展的原因，以及预测事物结果的工具，对于人的自我提升有着重要的意义，更不用说提升写作逻辑了。就如同这本书的名言警句（例（2）中的②）一般：一个人的性格塑造于小时候，你现在所做的选择将会影响你的一生。

五、实例分析

A Dragon Across the Lingdingyang—Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge

Chinese,whose country is renowned as“Land of Bridges”,have always had a special love knot of bridges.Ranging from Anji Bridge in ancient times to the Qiantang River Bridge in modern times,bridges are the typical symbols of social productivity levels in various historical periods.Nowadays,a super project—Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge,entitled“the world greatest”,has again caught the eyeballs of the world.

When it comes to Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge,a great feeling of patriotism and pride reverberates in my heart.Each step has to be deliberately designed and followed until it reaches the top level,from the design,to selecting materials,and to the tests.Firstly,it is meant to conquer the greatest difficulty in construction design.Integrating the bridge,tunnel and artificial island together makes it no less challenging than climbing Mount Qomolangma.Meanwhile,it is extremely demanding in selecting materials for the tunnel.The tunnel should be the longest in length and service time and buried deepest.It proves to be the first completely watertight immersed tunnel in the world.Besides,it copes well with the strongest seismic load after countless tests.The largest laminated rubber bearing in the world has installed a“stability anchor”for it to resist the magnitude 16 typhoon,magnitude 8 earthquake and the 300 000 ton ship collision. Precisely,the first-rate quality of the Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge ensures a good environment for GBA to create huge economic flow.Today,the port container throughput and airport passenger throughput of GBA connected by the Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge have reached the world’s most.The economic total quantity of GBA has surpassed the level of San Francisco Bay Area,almost catching up that of New York Bay Area.

The Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge is like a dragon across the Lingdingyang,representing a down-to-earth,progressive and dedicated craftsman’s spirit.It is also a golden name card of being an industrial power.（郭同学 用英文讲中国故事话题写作）

点评：本文介绍了屡创世界第一的珠港澳大桥，文中既包含了因果又有重申及比较，逻辑架构严谨，语言流畅。第一段简述了中国人对桥的情节的因，导致了修建历史上优秀大桥的果，包括珠港澳大桥。它又引起了另一个结果：它吸引了世界的眼球。接下来讲它引起国人的爱国热情和自豪感的因。紧密的因果逻辑，使每句话都与主题相关且环环相扣。

第二段里面有三个明显的关键词阐明及重申，同时设计了中心句提纲挈领，“Each step has to be deliberately designed and followed until it reaches the top level,from the design,to selecting materials,and to the tests.”句中的design,selecting materials,tests 都在后文中有具体的阐释。后文中通过firstly,meanwhile,besides 提示了所要介绍的珠港澳大桥的三个世界第一。而后文中的construction design,selecting materials for the tunnel,countless tests 又重申了分论点。时间标志词Today，也提示了除了三个世界之最外，它对当下相关地区的影响。

比较是强化段落逻辑的有效手段，通过与攀登珠穆朗玛峰的对比（makes it no less challenging than climbing Mount Qomolangma），形象地描述了桥梁设计的难度，化抽象为具体。粤港澳大湾区的经济总量也已超过旧金山湾区，向纽约湾区靠齐（The economic total quantity of GBA has surpassed the level of San Francisco Bay Area,almost catching up that of New York Bay Area.）。通过对比旧金山湾区、纽约湾区的经济总量，让读者清楚地知道这座大桥覆盖的经济区在世界上所占有的重要地位。

为达到读后所创作文段与所给文段融洽度高的目标，在写作中可以先用逻辑关系分析所给文段，再用逻辑架构续写，以便做到首尾呼应、文风一致、故事情节合理。牢记逻辑架构是创作优秀作品的重要要素。将抽象概念具体化是必要的写作程序，而阐明及重申、对比、比较、因果都是我们常用的写作手段。它们能丰富语段、突出重点、刺激联想，使得故事线有起承转合、情感线有上下起伏，情感升华水到渠成。不论是在段落中还是段落间，我们都需要注意逻辑的架构，这样创作出来的作品才是读起来地道，具有连贯性及一致性的优秀作品。