何峰

My mother had a saying： “Guests are like fish. After three days they begin to stink.” Heres the thing about my mother， though. She never bought fresh fish. She bought frozen fish sticks， which she served us every Friday along with potato chips.

Heres the other thing about my mother. She never had guests. Only once in my childhood did someone from her or my fathers family stay overnight at our house. In my fathers case， it was because his family lived in England， and hed lost touch with them. In my mothers case， who knows. Maybe it was her cooking.

Im guessing the fish line must have been something her own mother said. I wouldnt know， because I only met my grandmother once. When I was five， we visited my mothers family for the first and last time. I cant remember any interaction with Grandma， or even if that was what we called her. I remember that Uncle Al had a farm with a hayloft to play in， and ripe strawberries that we could pick and eat until our bellies were bursting. I know Uncle George had a red-haired daughter named Cacky， whom I adored， and that Aunt Louise scolded my brother and me for twisting the chains on the swing set and spinning ourselves dizzy. And thats it： the sum total of my memories of my parents relatives. To this day， these people are strangers to me.

My husbands mother also has a saying： “We love you. When are we going to see you again？” Eds family—his parents and his sister and her husband and little girl—come to stay with us， or we with them， three or more times a year. When they visit， they all pile into our home， and when we go to Florida， we all pile into theirs. Neither place has a guest room， but both have sofas and floors， and thats fine.

The first time we went to visit， Eds parents insisted on giving us their bed. His dad slept on the lounge， and his mum took the love seat. We thought the love seat was a pullout sofa bed， but in the morning we found her with her legs hanging over the arm.

If anything could stink after three days， youd think that would， but as always， Jeanne couldnt bear to see us go.

Of course， I know what my mother meant. For the first three days of a visit， you are caught up in the joy and novelty of seeing one another. Youre busy catching up. It doesnt bother you that you have no time to yourself， that you have to wait to use the shower and have to drink coffee thats not made the way you like it. From day four onwards， theres a subtle shift. Youre running out of news and outings to pass the time and meals that everyone can happily eat. Patience begins to fray.

By day six， something as trivial as a coffee table water ring can seem like grounds for a military tribunal. You begin to view your guests through the magnifying glasses of the put-upon host. A TV set turned four decibels higher than you like registers as “blaring”. Making a 13-cent long-distance call is perceived as “running up my phone bill！”

Eds family often stays six or seven days. By the last day， I admit Im ready to have my home back to normal， to get dressed in the room  where my clothes live. Six rooms arent enough for five guests， but I blame the apartment for my feelings， not the guests. I dont want them to go after three days， I just want the building to get larger.

Ive come to love Eds relatives. I think of them as family in a way that I never thought of my own relatives. And I couldnt have these feelings about Ed s family if they didnt visit as often as they do， or if they stayed in a hotel and dropped by for meals. Family are people who live together—if only for a week at a time. Theyre people who drop towels on your bathroom floor， put your cups and glasses back in the wrong place and complain about your weather. You do it to them， they do it to you， and none of you would have it any other way.

母親常说：“客人就像鱼，过了三天就要臭。”不过，说到鱼，有件事倒与母亲有关，她从不买新鲜鱼，她只买硬梆梆的冷冻鱼。到了周五，她就将冻鱼和炸土豆片一起做给我们吃。

还有件与我母亲有关的事：她从没来访的客人。在我小的时候，只记得有一次不知是母亲还是父亲的亲戚在我们家住了一夜。就我父亲来说，那是因为他的老家在英格兰，他与他们早已失去联系。就我母亲来说，谁知道呢，也许是因为她的厨艺的缘故吧。

我猜想母亲关于鱼的妙论一定是得自她自己母亲的真传，但我无法确知这一点，因为我只见过外祖母一次。在我5岁的时候，第一次也是最后一次到母亲的娘家走亲戚。我已记不得与姥姥有什么接触，我甚至都不记得我们是否这样叫她。我记得艾尔舅舅有个农场，有个干草堆我们可以在里面玩，还有成熟的草莓可以让我们随便采摘，直到吃得我们的肚子都要撑破了。我知道乔治舅舅有个红头发的女儿名叫凯基，我很喜欢她。我也知道我和哥哥将秋千架上的链条像拧绳子一样扭来扭去，直到扭得我们自己天旋地转的，露易丝舅妈还为这个责骂了我们。关于父母亲戚的记忆我只有这些了。时至今日，他们对于我来说已经形同路人。

我的婆婆也有她的说法：“我们爱你们，什么时候我们再来看你们？”艾迪的一家——他的父母以及他的姐姐、姐夫和小外甥女——每年至少有三次来和我们住在一起，或者我们去他们家玩。……