纳吉布·马哈福兹文 王鑫昊译

I walked alongside my father， clutching his right hand. All my clothes were new： the black shoes， the green school uniform， and the red cap. They did not make me happy， however， as this was the day I was to be thrown into school for the first time.

My mother stood at the window watching our progress， and I turned towards her from time to time， hoping she would help. We walked along a street lined with gardens， and fields planted with crops， pears， and date palms2.

“Why school？” I asked my father. “What have I done？”

“Im not punishing you，” he said， laughing. “Schools not a punishment. Its a place that makes useful men out of boys. Dont you want to be useful like your brothers？”

I was not convinced. I did not believe there was really any good to be had in tearing me away from my home and throwing me into the huge， high-walled building.

When we arrived at the gate we could see the courtyard， vast and full of boys and girls. “Go in by yourself，” said my father， “and join them. Put a smile on your face and be a good example to others.”

I hesitated and clung to his hand， but he gently pushed me from him. “Be a man，” he said. “Today you truly begin life. You will find me waiting for you when its time to leave.”

I took a few steps. Then the faces of the boys and girls came into view. I did not know a single one of them， and none of them knew me. I felt I was a stranger who had lost his way. But then some boys began to glance at me in curiosity， and one of them came over and asked， “Who brought you？”

“My father，” I whispered.

“My fathers dead，” he said simply.

I did not know what to say. The gate was now closed. Some of the children burst into tears. The bell rang. A lady came along， followed by a group of men. The men began sorting us into ranks. We were formed into an intricate3 pattern in the great courtyard surrounded by high buildings; from each floor we were overlooked by a long balcony roofed in wood.

“This is your new home，” said the woman. “There are mothers and fathers here， too. Everything that is enjoyable and beneficial is here. So dry your tears and face life joyfully.”

Well， it seemed that my misgivings4 had had no basis. From the first moments I made many friends and fell in love with many girls. I had never imagined school would have this rich variety of experiences.

We played all sorts of games. In the music room we sang our first songs. We also had our first introduction to language. We saw a globe of the Earth， which revolved and showed the various continents and countries. We started learning numbers， and we were told the story of the Creator of the universe. We ate delicious food， took a little nap， and woke up to go on with friendship and love， playing and learning.

Our path， however， was not totally sweet and unclouded. We had to be observant and patient. It was not all a matter of playing and fooling around5. Rivalries could bring about pain and hatred or give rise to fighting. And while the lady would sometimes smile， she would often yell and scold. Even more frequently she would resort to physical punishment.

In addition， the time for changing ones mind was over and gone and there was no question of ever returning to the paradise of home. Nothing lay ahead of us but exertion6， struggle， and perseverance. Those who were able took advantage of the opportunities for success and happiness that presented themselves.

The bell rang， announcing the passing of the day and the end of work. The children rushed toward the gate， which was opened again. I said goodbye to friends and sweethearts and passed through the gate. I looked around but found no trace of my father， who had promised to be there. I stepped aside to wait. When I had waited for a long time in vain， I decided to return home on my own. I walked a few steps， then came to a startled halt. Good Lord！ Where was the street lined with gardens？ Where had it disappeared to？ When did all these cars invade it？ And when did all these people come to rest on its surface？ How did these hills of rubbish find their way to cover its sides？ And where were the fields that bordered it？ High buildings had taken over， the street was full of children， and disturbing noises shook the air. Here and there stood conjurers showing off their tricks or making snakes appear and disappear from baskets. Then there was a band announcing the opening of a circus， with clowns and weight lifters walking in front.

Good God！ I was in a daze. My head spun. I almost went crazy. How could all this have happened in half a day， between early morning and sunset？ I would find the answer at home with my father. But where was my home？ I hurried towards the crossroads， because I remembered that I had to cross the street to reach our house， but the stream of cars would not let up. Extremely irritated7， I wondered when I would be able to cross.

I stood there a long time， until the young boy employed at the ironing shop on the corner came up to me.

He stretched out his arm and said， “Grandpa， let me take you across.”

我走在父親旁边，紧紧牵着他的右手。我一身全新穿戴：黑色鞋子，绿色校服，一顶红帽。但这些并不令我开心，因为那天，我第一次被扔进学校。

母亲站在窗前望着我们前行，我不时回头看她，希望她会帮我。我们走在街上，两边排列着花园和田地，田里种着庄稼，栽着梨树和海枣树。

“为什么要去学校？”我问父亲，“我做错了什么？”

“我不是在惩罚你。”他笑着说，“上学不是惩罚，学校可以把男孩子培养成有用的男子汉。你不想像哥哥们一样，成为有用的人吗？”

我不信。我觉得把我从家扯出来，扔进这个四面高墙的大楼肯定不是什么好事。

到了校门口，我们看到了院子，十分宽敞，满是孩子。“你自己进去吧。”父亲说，“加入他们。笑一笑，给别人做个榜样。”

我犹豫不决，紧紧抓着他的手，但他轻柔地推开了我。“做个男子汉。”他说，“今天你的人生真正开始了。放了学你会发现我在等着你。”

我走了几步。男孩女孩的面庞映入眼帘。我一个人也不认识，也没人认识我。我感觉自己像个迷路的外地人。但接着，几个男孩开始好奇地打量我，其中一个过来问：“谁带你来的？”

“我爸爸。”我低声道。

“我爸爸死了。”他直截了当地说。

我不知道该说什么。校门此时关上了。一些孩子突然哭了起来。铃声响了。一位女士走了过来，后面跟着一群男士。男士们开始把我们分成几排。在这个高楼围绕的大院子里，我们被排成复杂的队形;抬头就能看到每层楼那长长的木顶阳台。……