金伯利·L.基思　王海燕

In some schools， structured character education is a part of the curriculum， right alongside reading， writing， and math. Schools seek to instill the values of integrity， respect， responsibility， fairness， honesty， caring， and citizenship1 in their students to strengthen the social fabric2 of the school and community. But building character for kids cant just happen in the classroom.

The qualities of character develop through an interplay of family， school， and community influences and the childs individual temperament， experiences， and choices. Parents have many opportunities and tools to build their childrens character. Using them will give you the joy and satisfaction of seeing your kids grow into people of integrity and compassion.

Be a role model

Parents who exhibit the qualities of good character powerfully transmit their values to their children. Model the choices and actions that are essential to being a person of good character. If you are honest， trustworthy， fair， compassionate， respectful， and involved in the greater good of your family and community， your children will see this in your everyday actions and choices. They will also see that this behavior brings a sense of joy， satisfaction， and peace to their family.

Empathy is a first step towards moral development. Empathy in the parent-child relationship allows us to teach all of the other character values to our children. When your children feel that you understand and care about them deeply， they have the intrinsic motivation to learn the lessons of love and character you share.

Use teachable moments to build character

Children also need to learn that when they violate your familys guiding ethics， you will implement consequences with fairness and dignity. Effective discipline strategies help you use teachable moments to build character. Always take the opportunity to explain why your childs behavior is wrong when you correct him. Make a habit of identifying in your own mind the value you wish to teach the child based on the particular behavior. Choose a consequence that is appropriate to teach that value.

One natural consequence that you can use is to make amends. For example， dishonesty is best resolved when you confess and are held accountable. Sometimes an apology to the person wronged is enough; other times you must take action to right the wrong （say， returning a “borrowed” toy to a friend or sibling）. Brief， but direct instruction about why you have a family rule and the underlying value you hold helps children learn from consequences and discipline： “In this family， we believe in honesty. Was it honest of you to take Sams car and pretend you didnt？ What should you do to make it right？”

Tell stories from literature and life

Parents and teachers used stories to teach moral lessons long before books were even invented. As you tell the stories of your life and the world around you， you convey lessons in values and ethics to your children. And as you discuss the stories you see around you （on TV， in books， in the media）， you reinforce your values. Childrens literature abounds with great books that illustrate important values， as in this list from the American Academy of Pediatrics3.

When you listen and respond to your childrens stories about school and peers， you can help them think through the right thing to do. Be mindful of your children listening to the stories you tell other adults. These anecdotes show your kids how your values guide all aspects of your life.

Provide opportunities to practice

Kids must practice what they learn before it comes naturally to them. This applies in learning character， too. Children can learn vicariously4 when they see character-building in action and learn directly when they hear lessons in values. But they need hands-on experience to know the true meaning of character.

When your child has the opportunity to make a decision （say， having to choose between two friends）， help her take ethical action and see the positive results in her daily life. You can also find ways to be involved in social and community action accessible to your children.

在一些學校，系统的品格教育是课程设置的一部分，与阅读、写作和数学课同时进行。这些学校努力培养正直、尊重、负责、公正、诚实、关爱以及公民权责意识等价值观，使学校和社区的社会结构更加稳固。但是，孩子的品格塑造不能只局限在教室里。

品格特质是通过家庭、学校和社区的影响与孩子自身的性情、经历和选择之间共同作用而养成的。父母有许多机会和方法来塑造孩子的品格。如果充分利用这些机会和方法，你会看到孩子成长为诚实正直和富有同情心的人，并由此感到快乐和满足。

以身示范

父母展现出优良品质会有力地将其价值观传递给孩子，因此要为孩子树立榜样，做出体现高尚品格的选择和行动。如果你诚实、可靠、公正、有同情心、尊重他人并为家庭和社区多谋福利，孩子会在你每天的行动和选择中看到这些品质，也会看到这样的行为给家庭带来快乐、满足与和谐。

同理心是道德培养的第一步。亲子之间若能感同身受，父母的其他品格价值观就能传给孩子。当孩子感受到你深深的理解和关爱时，内心就有动力学习你讲的爱和品格。

利用可教时刻来塑造品格

孩子也需要知道，当他们违反家训时，你将公平而郑重地让其承受后果。行之有效的管教策略便于你利用可教时刻来塑造品格。纠正孩子行为时，要抓住机会及时说明他的行为错在哪里。要养成习惯在内心预先明确，针对具体行为想教给孩子什么价值观。然后选择一个适宜的后果让孩子承受，从而培养这个价值观。

一个可以选用的自然后果是弥补错误。例如，要求认错并追究责任是管教不诚实行为的最佳办法。有时候向对方道歉就足够了;但有时候必须采取行动纠正错误（如要求孩子将他“借来”的玩具物归原主）。要简洁而直接地告诉孩子，你为什么制定家庭准则，其中蕴含你的什么价值观，这有助于孩子从其所承受的后果和管教中汲取教训：“在这个家里，我们相信诚实。你拿了塞姆的小汽车，却假装没拿，这样做诚实吗？你应该怎样纠正错误？”

给孩子讲文学作品和现实生活中的故事

远在书籍发明之前，家长和老师就通过讲故事来进行品德教育了。当你讲述你的生活和周围世界里发生的故事时，就在将价值观和伦理道德传给孩子。当你讨论自己从电视、书籍和媒体看到的故事时，就在强化你的价值观。正如美国儿科学会列举的书单所示，儿童文学中有许多生动展现重要价值观的好作品。

你在倾听孩子讲述学校和同伴的故事并作出回应时，可以帮助他们仔细思考应该做什么。你跟其他成年人聊起趣闻轶事时，要注意孩子也在听你说话，你说的这些向孩子展示了你的价值观是如何指导你各方面生活的。

提供实践的机会

孩子学的东西必须经过实践才能成自然，品格学习也不例外。孩子目睹塑造品格的行动时，是间接学习;听价值观的教导时，是直接学习。但他们需要亲身体验，才能知道品格的真正含义。

当孩子有机会做决定时（如不得不在两个朋友之间做出取舍），你要帮助孩子做出合乎道德的行动并在日常生活中看到积极的结果。你也可以寻找各种方式参与孩子能接触到的社会和社区行动。

（译者单位：北京第二外国语学院）

1 citizenship公民的职责与权利。此处指学校所培养的一系列价值观之一，所以译为公民职权意识。  2 social fabric社会结构。文中主要指学校和当地社区中的各种关系或纽带。一般而言，社会结构由人口的贫富程度、种族构成、受教育程度、就业率、价值观等因素组成。鉴于意译难以涵盖其含义，在此作直译。

3一家儿童健康权威机构。

4 vicarious间接感受到的。