景一

Lead with Your Main Idea

As a general rule， state the main idea of a paragraph in the first sentence—the topic sentence. Dont keep your readers guessing， or they will stop reading. What is the importance of the story to the audience？ Hook your readers promptly， so they want to learn more about your topic and will keep reading.

Dont bury key words. If you tuck1 your key words or ideas in the middle of a sentence， the reader may overlook them. To emphasize key words， place them at the beginning or at the end of the sentence.

以你的中心思想开头

一般来说，要在第一句话，即主题句中陈述一段的中心思想。不要让读者去猜测，否则他们会停止阅读。这个故事对观众有什么重要性？要迅速吸引你的读者，这样他们就想更多地了解你的主题，并且会继续阅读。

不要把关键词藏起来。如果你把关键词或想法夹在句子中间，读者可能会忽略它们。要强调关键词，请将它们放在句首或句尾。

Vary the Length of Your Sentences

In general， use short sentences to emphasize ideas. Use longer sentences to explain， define， or illustrate ideas. If all the sentences in a paragraph are long， the reader will get bogged2 down. If theyre all really short， the prose will sound panicked or staccato3. Aim for a natural-sounding flow. If a single sentence is over， say， 25 to 30 words， you could affect readers comprehension of your meaning. Break up really long sentences into two sentences for clarity. You can also vary sentence types and structures by blending simple， compound， and complex sentences.

使句子的長度多样化

一般来说，可以用短句强调观点，用较长的句子来解释、定义或说明观点。如果一段中的所有句子都很长，读者会陷入困境。如果它们都很短，那么这篇文章听起来会很慌乱或断断续续。要以自然的语流为目标。如果一个句子从头到尾有，比如说25到30个单词，可能会影响读者对你意思的理解。为了清楚地理解，要把很长的句子拆分成两个句子。你还可以通过混合简单句、复合句和复杂句来使句子类型和结构多样化。

Use Active Verbs and Voice

Dont overwork the passive voice or forms of the verb “to be”. Instead， use dynamic4 verbs in the active voice. Here is an example of passive voice： Three chairs were placed to the left of the podium. You can use active voice： A student placed three chairs to the left of the podium. （Three chairs stood to the left of the podium.）

使用主动动词和语态

不要滥用被动语态或动词“to be”的形式，而应在主动语态中使用动态动词。下面是被动语态的一个例子：三把椅子被放在了讲台的左边。你可以使用主动语态：一个学生把三把椅子放在了讲台的左边。（或，三把椅子在讲台的左边。）

Cut the Clutter5

When revising your work， eliminate unnecessary words. Watch out for repetition of the same concept or details. Its easy to overlook errors when reviewing your own work. Be on the lookout for common trouble spots， such as subject-verb agreement， noun-pronoun agreement and run-on sentences.

减少混乱

在修改你的作品时，去掉不必要的词语。小心相同概念或细节的重复出现。检查自己的作品时很容易忽略错误。要注意常出问题的地方，如主谓一致、名词和代词的一致及冗长句。

Read When You Revise

When revising， you may hear problems of word choice， or syntax that you cant see. So listen up！It might seem silly， but dont skip this step on an important piece of writing.

修改時读一读

修改时，你可能会听出来一些没看出来的词语选择或语法的问题。听好了！这可能看起来很愚蠢，但在写一篇重要的文章时不要跳过这一步。

本期点评名师

张超 男，河北省衡水市阜城县第四中学高级英语教师，市优秀英语教师，县骨干教师，从事英语教育教学工作29年;多年来，在省级以上报刊《中学生英语》《学英语》《英语周报》《中学生英语读写》《中学英语园地》《英语辅导》《校园英语》等发表文章数百篇，并有多篇论文获奖;曾参编高中版教辅资料《天天向上》和《三维方案》的编写工作，并荣获“中央教育科学研究所全国基础教育科研先进个人”荣誉称号;多次辅导多名学生在省、市和国家级英语竞赛中获奖。

My Hobby

Just as many middle school students like pop music， I love table tennis. Its one of the most popular sports in China， and you can see people playing it everywhere in China. It is also our national ball， you know. Table tennis is not only my favorite， but also part of my life. I began to play table tennis at age of① nine.

I like table tennis because it brings joys or② health to my life. After school， I always play table tennis and③ my friends， no matter what the weather is like.

Now I am a member of our school table tennis team. I often take a④ active part in table tennis matches. Sometimes I watch a table tennis match on TV and learn some skills from it. Im trying my best to play well because Id like to try table tennis in the future， and I also hope to be one of the most popular table tennis stars one day， such as Deng Yaping， Zhang Jike and so on.

河北省阜城县第四中学九（12）班  郑灿

1. 优点：

小作者开门见山，以充分的理由说明了自己喜欢乒乓球的原因，然后介绍自己的乒乓球活动，证明自己对乒乓球的热爱。本文结构紧凑，层次分明，逻辑性强，句式丰富，时态运用准确，尽管有少许错误，但瑕不掩瑜。

2. 需要修改的地方：

①at age of改为at the age of。 at the age of是固定短语，意为“在……岁时”，在句中用作状语。

②or改为and。从上下文不难看出，这里是顺承关系而非选择关系。

③and改为with。with my friends在此用作状语。

④a改为an。后面单词active是以元音音素开头。

3. 评分：

按中考英语作文满分20分的评分标准，本文修改前可得18分。

王   倩

出生日期：2003年1月27日

爱好：摄影

座右铭：人生没有过不去的坎。

就读学校：武汉大学附属中学

My English Study

How time flies！My three-year middle school life will be over soon. Looking back， I have vivid memories of days and nights of English study.

When I entered the school， I had some difficulties in English study. I couldnt understand what the teacher said， and I couldnt master the words and grammar points. I even wanted to give it up. Then I found the way to learn English. I listened to the teacher carefully in class， kept reading English every day and speaking English as mush as possible. With the help of the teachers， my English improved a lot. In my free time， I watched many English movies.

In a word， learning English is very interesting. Though it is not easy， if you work hard， you will learn well.

霍翔宇

出生日期：2003年12月06日

爱好：围棋、阅读

座右铭：最困难的不是漫漫长路，

而是迈出第一步的决心。

就读学校班级：江苏省连云港市罗阳中学

九（1）班

指导老师：陈传光

Im Proud of Myself

I used to be a boy with few words. Last month， I failed the exam. I felt so sad that I couldnt help crying. However， my mother told me that everyone may fail in his or her life. Failure is also a good chance for us to realize our disadvantages.

She encouraged me a lot. I made up my mind to prepare for the next exam. I always listened to the teacher carefully and did my homework all by myself. To my surprise， I achieved the best grade in the next exam. At that time， I actually felt proud of myself. I was so proud because I achieved success as well as courage. Now Im more confident， and I always believe everyone is able to be successful if he or she tries his or her best.

張瑞鑫

出生年月：2004年3月16日

座右铭：当生活给你一百个哭的理由，

你就展示给它一千种笑的方式。

就读学校：河北省衡水市第五中学

My Birthday Gift

It was my 14th birthday yesterday. My grandfather bought me a musical robot as a birthday gift. I love it very much.

It is small， so I can even carry it in my backpack. After I connect it to the Internet and speak to it， it can provide different kinds of services. For example， you just say， “Dong Dong， I want to listen to TFBOYS songs”， and it will play their songs at once. When I ask it about weather or my problems in my study， it can give me satisfying answers. Besides， it can remind me of important dates and so on.

I am so amazed at my musical robot because it makes my life more enjoyable and convenient. I really love it very much！

我的生日礼物

昨天是我的15岁生日。我的外公给我买了一个音乐机器人作为生日礼物。我非常喜欢它。

由于这台音乐机器人很小，所以我甚至可以把它放进背包里。当我把它连接到互联网上并跟它说话时，它可以提供给我不同的服务。例如，你只要说：“咚咚，我想听TFBOYS的歌曲。”它就会立刻播放他们的歌曲。当我向它询问天气或者我学习上的问题时，它可以给我满意的答案。此外，它还可以提醒我重要的日期等等。

我对我的音乐机器人充满了惊奇，因为它使我的生活更愉快和方便。我真的非常喜欢它！