The other day， I was so pleased with an apricot-almond smoothie I made that I decided to post it on Instagram. First， though， I browsed friends feeds. Fortyfive minutes later， I was almost dizzy from the endless slide show of the Perfect Life： one person serenely paddleboarding （“Got the hang of it after one lesson！”）， another lounging on a hotel bed （“Just had the Best. Massage. Ever.”）. Oh， and a smoothie—this one perched on a hibiscus-covered balcony overlooking a Caribbean beach. I grabbed my phone and deleted the photo of my now schlumpy drink.

These days， its gotten impossible to not feel like youre being one-upped online. You ran a 5K？ Big deal， when your co-worker posts pictures of her half marathon…for charity. Meanwhile， social media users have perfected the art of simultaneously moaning and boasting， aka moasting：“Someone just asked me what I was studying in college—hello， Im 34！”

I realize these posts and pretty pictures are often selected and edited. So why do I still have that constant， dispiriting feeling that my own life pales in comparison？ In fact， researchers are discovering that being immersed in everyone elses general awesomeness online can be mentally bad for you. A study from the University of Michigan showed that the more time we browse Facebook， the more our sense of well-being drops and lonely feelings jump. One German study reported that after people spent time on Facebook， a full one-third felt frustrated， upset， or envious.（Friends vacation snaps riled them up the most.）

This feeling is intensified as we increasingly take our relationships online， says psychologist Gregory Jantz， PhD， author of Hooked： The Pitfalls of Media， Technology， and Social Networking. “One of the biggest groups of Facebook users is women age 32 to 45，” he notes， “and about 35% of the younger ones admit that the first thing they do after they crawl out of bed， before they go to the bathroom， is check Facebook.” Adding to our neediness is the addictive—and sometimes maniacal—pursuit of “likes.” According to one consumer-trends survey， 62% of people say they feel better about themselves when others approve of something they post on social media. The flip side is the insecurity that creeps in when only a few people “like” your photo， and the jealousy you feel when a friends photo gets a flurry of thumbs-up.

Of course， its human nature to want to present your best self to the world. The ancient Egyptians threw on kohl liner and their most stylish linen tunic before hitting the market. “Theres something alluring about creating an online persona that says， ‘Im interesting， I have a well-kept home， I eat good food—this is my life！”says Andrea Bonior， PhD， adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University. “We look to our social media profiles to validate what we want to believe about ourselves.” Yet this fluff festival can lead to anxiety about being exposed as a fraud， as in living in fear that a high school pal will comment， “Haha， I remember when you had a much larger nose！” beneath your glamourous picture.

To end the jolts of jealousy， Jantz has a suggestion. When you read a post that leaves you feeling less than ideal， remember that we all scrupulously control our self-image. I know its true. Recently， I posted a picture of myself and someone commented， “You look amazing！”Well， yes； thats because I held the camera so high above my head （whereas if I look down at my phone， my reflection bears a startling likeness to Donald Trump）.

It also helps to be aware of what sets off self-doubt.“If you hate your old kitchen， maybe you shouldnt repeatedly check out Marys kitchen renovation，” Bonior says. My downfall is others fitness triumphs. A few shots of a friends cyclo-cross race are inspiring； scrolling through hundreds makes me think ‘Why bother？ and shuffle off to the couch. Timing is another trigger. I look at these fabulous pics before bed， when Im tired and need to decompress—exactly when I feel the most sensitive.

Another cyber solution is to fully get behind your posts. As Bonior says， “You can choose to use othersexperiences as a yardstick， or you can believe your standards are valid in and of themselves.” Also， back away from the computer—often. “Relationships are best conducted in real life，” Jantz says， “not 140-character sound bites.”

Jantzs words were on my mind when I saw a friends Instagram shots of a trip to Greece. Instead of caving in to jealousy， I called and told her that her photos were like a Ralph Lauren ad. She laughed and said， “Dont look too close or youll see that my eyes are red.” Ten minutes beforehand， she and her husband had had a big money fight； the trip， she conceded， was great but had been a costly mistake.

Now if insecurity sneaks up on me while Im online， I take it as a sign to switch gears and go for a run， make another unphotogenic smoothie or check out the YouTube clip my mother sent of， say， a squirrel eating an ice cream cone. Also， maybe Ill avoid Beyoncés Instagram account altogether.

前幾天，我对自己做的杏仁奶昔感到十分满意，所以打算把它的照片传到Instagram上。但在这之前，我先浏览了朋友们发的照片。四十五分钟以后，我被那没完没了的“完美生活”幻灯片放映弄得头晕目眩—— 一个人沉稳地划着冲浪板（“上了一堂课后就学会了！”），另一个人慵懒地躺在一张酒店的床上（“刚刚享受了有生以来最棒的一次按摩。”）。天，还有一杯奶昔—— 一杯摆放在俯瞰着加勒比海滩，被木槿所覆盖的阳台上的奶昔。我拿起手机删掉了我这张此刻显得蠢毙了的饮料照片。

如今，要在网上胜人一筹成为了不可能的事情。你跑了五公里？很了不起！但这时，你同事发了一些她跑半程马拉松比赛的照片……还是慈善赛来着。同时，社交媒体的用户已经熟练掌握了一套通过抱怨来夸耀自己的说话方式，明贬实褒的说话方式：“有人刚刚问了我正在读什么专业——拜托，我三十四岁了！”

我知道这些帖子和漂亮的照片通常都是经过精心挑选、美化编辑的。但为什么在与之比较下我还是会不可抑制地产生一种无尽的沮丧感，感觉自己的人生如此苍白无力呢？事实上，研究人员发现，在网上让自己陷在别人的美好生活中会对自己的心理健康有害。密歇根大学的一项研究表明，我们浏览脸谱网的时间越长，我们的幸福感就降得越低、孤独感就升得越高。德国的一项研究表明，在我们上完脸谱网后，有整整三分之一的人会感到沮丧、郁闷、或者妒忌。（朋友的度假照片最能引起他们的恼怒。）

心理学家、博士、《上网成瘾：媒体、科技、社交网络的陷阱》的作者格雷戈里·詹茨称，我们在网上与人的交往越频繁，这种感觉就越强烈。“三十二至四十五岁的女性是脸谱网最大的用户群之一，” 他指出，“而年龄更小的人中有35%的人承认，在他们挣扎起床后，上厕所前所做的第一件事就是查看他们的脸书。”而我们对别人“点赞”的沉溺，乃至疯狂追求会增加我们的依赖感。一项消费者倾向调查显示，有62%的人说当有人为他们发在社交媒体的帖子点赞时，他们的自我感觉会更加良好。但消极的一面就是如果只有几个人“赞”了他们的照片，不安全感就会悄然袭入他们的内心，如果他们朋友的照片得到了很多“赞”，他们就会产生嫉妒感。

当然，想把自己最好的一面呈现在世人眼前是人类的天性。古埃及人在出门去集市前都会涂上浓黑的眼线，穿上他们最漂亮的亚麻布束腰外衣。“在网上创造出这样一个人物形象：‘我为人风趣，我家居雅致，我尽享美食——这就是我的生活！是件很有吸引力的事。” 乔治敦大学心理学系的兼职教授安德里亚·邦尼尔博士这样说道。“我们指望以自己的社交媒体的人物档案来证明我们就是自己心目中的那个人。”然而这种无意义的狂欢活动却会引起被人揭穿你是个骗子的焦虑，因为你终日惶惶，害怕来个高中同学在你那张迷人的照片底下评论：“呵呵，我记得你以前可是有个大鼻子的！”

要想杜绝这种嫉妒，詹茨有个建议。在你看到让自己感觉不怎么好的帖子时，记住我们都是在小心翼翼地维护自己的形象的。我知道确有其事。最近，我发了一张自己的照片，有人评论道：“你看起来棒极了！”好吧，没错，但那是因为我把摄像头放在头顶上拍的（然而，如果我从上往下看手机的话，我拍出的样子会与唐纳德·特朗普惊人地相似）。

意识到引起自我怀疑的因素也有所帮助。邦尼尔说道：“如果你讨厌自己的旧厨房，也许你就不应该再三地查看玛丽的厨房装修。” 我的失败愈加衬托出别人的成功。朋友的一些自行车越野赛的照片则能鼓舞人心；看了几百张照片后，我会这样想：‘何必自寻烦恼，然后拖着步子走向沙发。时间的选择也是一个触发点。我在睡前看这些令人赞叹的照片，那是我感觉疲惫、需要减压的时候——也是我最敏感的时候。

另一个解决办法是推迟你的发帖时间。正如邦尼尔所说的那样，“你可以选择参考别人的经历作为准绳，或者你可以相信自己的标准本身就是正确的。”此外，要经常地远离电脑。“最好在现实生活中进行人际交往，” 詹茨说道，“而不是通过140个字的简短信息。”

当我看到朋友发在Instagram上的一些希腊旅行照片时，我的脑海中就浮现出詹茨说的这些话。我没有陷入嫉妒的情绪中，我打电话跟她说，她的照片看起来像是拉尔夫·劳伦的广告。她笑着说，“不要看得太仔细，不然你会发现我的眼睛泛红。”十分钟之前，她和丈夫刚刚为了钱大吵一架，她承认这次旅程很棒，但是花费实在是太高了。

如今，如果我在上网时不安全感来袭，我会把这当成是一个要换换状态的信号，然后去跑跑步，再做一杯不怎么上鏡的奶昔或者查看我母亲传给我的YouTube视频，标题是：一只吃着甜筒雪糕的松鼠。也许，我还会去关注碧昂丝的Instagram 账号。