By Ye Shengtao

I have always believed that those who talk and those who listen should not share the same attitude. Many words we have spoken or written down were just like clouds that floated away leaving no traces and influencing no one because the speakers and listeners, or the writers and readers, shared the same attitude.

Those who tell others to do something need to have done it themselves. Otherwise,they can only say something unpersuasive, which is a waste of energy. If those who tell others to do something have not done it themselves, they should feel hollow and uncomfortable.How can they say something substantive? Moreover, when they tell others to do what they have not done, they should blush with shame, which is worse and harder to bear than being scolded.

The listener should not reject an opinion because of the person expressing it. There is no need to ask about the speaker's origin and private conduct, unless you want to make friends or claim kinship with the speaker.Just listen to what the speaker says. If it is unreasonable, you certainly do not have to accept it.If it is reasonable, you can take it without hesitation. The speaker may have an ulterior motive,which needs to be identified.Nevertheless, even if the speaker has an ulterior motive, what he says is not necessarily unworthy of adoption. If what the speaker says is reasonable and you have identified his motive, you will be able to exclude the bad effect and only be positively influenced.

If speakers always worry that listeners will reject an opinion because of the person expressing it, they will rarely say something honest, substantive, or forceful.Although the speaker shall always test his own advice himself before telling others to do so, it is not necessary for the listener to insist such requirement upon the speaker. Otherwise, the listener will often disagree with the speaker, and there will be little advice worthy of adoption in the world. Nowadays, we seem to be in such a situation, so there is a lot of talking with little or no effect.If the speakers and listeners could change their attitudes, I believe that we can make a bigger difference with fewer words. ◆

(From There Are Ways to Talk,Liaoning People's Publishing House. Translation: Chen Jiani)

我常常想，说话的人跟听话的人不宜取同样的态度。咱们经常有许多的话，在口头说着，在笔下写出，说过写过就像浮云过太空，不留一些痕迹，不发生一些影响，就因为说话的人取了听话的人的态度，或者听话的人取了说话的人的态度。

说话的人的态度该是“有诸己而后求诸人”。自己也信不过的话，挂在口头说一阵，多么无聊。没有话勉强要说话，想着浪费了的精力就觉得可惜，还不如默尔而息合乎保养之道。尤其是“求诸人”的话，如果“无诸己”，内里空虚别扭，说出来怎么会充实圆融？而且说到要人家怎样怎样的时候，想着自己并没有怎样怎样，脸上就禁不住一阵的红，这一阵脸红比较挨人家的骂还要厉害，又怎么受得了。

听话的人的态度该是“不以人废言”，说话那个人的出身如何，私德如何，何必问他？你又不跟他交朋友，攀亲眷。你就话论话就是了；话没有道理，当然不用听他，如果有道理，尽可以毫不疑虑地照单全收。他的话或许别有动机跟作用，那倒是要辨认明白的。可是，别有动机跟作用的话并不等于不值得采纳的话；如果话的本身有道理，你只要辨认出他的动机跟作用，就可以单受他的好影响而不受他的坏影响。

说话的人时时希望人家“不以人废言”，诚实的、充实圆融的、具有压迫人家的力量的话就难得听见了。听话的人随时用“有诸己而后求诸人”的尺度来衡量人家的话，就觉得这也不对，那也不合，世间很少有值得采纳的话了。现在咱们似乎就在这样的情形之中，所以说话很多，实效很少。如果说话的人跟听话的人彼此把态度改变一下，我想，话可以少说许多，而实效可要比现在多得多。◆