崔丞

“每一次失敗，无论大小，也不管影响范围如何，都为重整旗鼓再次出发敞开了机遇之门。”从失败中重生、开启全新生活，让失败磨练我们的智慧和美德，我们终究会离成功更近，也会变得更加完善。

Nobody likes to lose. Whether its a game of poker， the affections of another or an election， a loss can feel like an embarrassing stain that wont come out. Or like a medical condition we need to quickly treat with a rematch， with a pint of ice cream or by declaring the whole thing rigged1）.

But there are many silver linings in the dark clouds of loss2）， and when you total them up， losing can start to look a lot more like winning.

In 1960， Richard Nixon lost a very close and bitter presidential election amid accusations （by others， not himself） of voter fraud in some states. But Nixon took the high road3）： “I want Senator Kennedy to know， and I want all of you to know， that ... （if） he does become our next president， that he will have my wholehearted support and yours， too.” It was a calculated move that paved the way to his election in 1968. He could have made a stink4）， but instead he took a longer view and saw the seeds of a comeback planted in the soil of that defeat.

Every loss， no matter the size and scope， opens opportunities to still come out ahead. Thats not just good for your ego； its just plain good for you.

The Act of Concession5）

Common courtesy calls for a handshake between winner and loser after a contest. Its a simple gesture that holds a lot of meaning. It is an exercise in defusing any lingering animosity6）. It makes it possible for both parties to move on with dignity.

To refuse to acknowledge the accomplishment of the winner is to give birth to a grudge7）. And nothing good， for either side， ever comes out of a lingering grudge.

But the moment of concession is also a chance at redemption for the loser. It allows them to be a role model of humility and grace. It proves them nobler than their loss might suggest. Conceding is actually a power move demonstrating that you are not defined by losing. You are bigger than that.

“A tree is best measured when it is down， and so it is with people，” wrote the poet and author Carl Sandburg8）， who won a Pulitzer Prize for a biography of Abraham Lincoln， a man who had his share of wins born out of deep losses.

To lose an election—a very public defeat that can be personally devastating—raises the stakes enormously. The act of concession there is both necessary for a peaceful transition of power and an opportunity for the loser to show everyone that he or she is sagacious9） enough to put the greater good above all else.

One of the best concession speeches ever given， presidential or otherwise， was delivered in 1952 by Adlai Stevenson10）. “That which unites us as American citizens is far greater than that which divides us as political parties， ” he said. “I urge you all to give to General Eisenhower the support he will need to carry out the great tasks that lie before him. I pledge him mine.” The New Yorkers political commentator Hendrik Hertzberg called Stevenson “the most beautiful loser.”

By contrast， Hope Solo， the goalkeeper for the US womens national soccer team， called her triumphant opponents “cowards” after her team lost to Sweden at the Olympic quarterfinal game in Rio in 2016. The rebuke11） to her unsportsmanlike behavior went beyond the ire12） of fans； the US Soccer Federation suspended her for six months and terminated her contract with the team. For failing to transcend her loss， she doubled it.

Losing Is Learning

Anyone who plays chess， or nearly any game of strategy， knows that the more you play， the more you learn how to win. And if you play someone who is better than you （and therefore find yourself mostly losing）， you will learn a lot more about winning. Every defeat brings you one step closer to success.

Thinking about loss that way as chess pieces on the board is a helpful metaphor for making losing less personal， too. Losing some contest doesnt make you a loser. You are still you， not whatever challenge was lost.

The sooner you can dust yourself off and figure out why you lost， the sooner youll be able to refocus on what matters and—now more experienced—win. In a Buddhist context， we will continue to be reincarnated13） until we can break the cycle of unknowing； each of our lives holding the keys to one door closer to enlightenment or another farther away.

Winning and Losing Are False Distinctions

The idea that losing is a necessary part of winning begins to blur the lines of what is a loss and what is a win. A victory can have unforeseen consequences that feel more like a loss over time （which is why people say “be careful what you wish for”）. And， conversely， the loser now will be later to win， as Bob Dylan put it.

There are countless examples of this phenomenon. Many lottery winners face personal difficulties they attribute to their windfall14）. Individuals with devastating mental and physical challenges often describe how overcoming them made them stronger for it. And maybe that awful breakup made it possible to find true love.

This yin-and-yang way of seeing the world， in which good and bad are so entwined15） that they are contained in one another， is beautifully illustrated in an ancient Taoist story about a farmer whose horse runs away. The lost horse， which seems like a setback， causes something that seems like an advantage， which then causes something that seems bad and so on.

The point is that we should really question the reality of a win or loss， knowing that time and circumstance have a way of making them become the opposite.

Rise from the Ashes

Losing can also be the catalyst of a new beginning. The higher the stakes of the loss， the greater opening it creates for a restart， a reinvention， a fresh beginning in another direction.

The phoenix is the mascot16） of winning losers everywhere. Take a moment to pause in the ashes of a loss to contemplate what new， amazing life can grow out of it. Thats a powerful consolation17） prize.

Jimmy Carter is beloved the world over despite a presidency that experts and conventional wisdom deemed a failure. His legacy is solidified by a post-presidential life of great deeds including international diplomacy， building homes for the homeless and nearly eradicating deadly diseases. Losing re-election in 1980 brought about a 36-year winning streak18）.

True Grit

Finally， there are some virtues that grow more easily out of the compost of losing. Humility is an obvious one. Empathy is another， as loss creates bonds with others facing a similar loss. And when you expand your perspective and understanding around loss， you become wiser， another virtue to have in your resiliency tool kit.

Then there is grit. For even if there are no clear lessons learned from a loss or no upsides that later emerge， at the very least， you can learn how to deal with it more effectively. Because eventually， another loss will come， and you want to be ready.

The development of such fortitude19） is encapsulated by my favorite line in one of my favorite novels， John Steinbecks The Grapes of Wrath20）. The story chronicles the western migration of many farmers during the Great Depression21）， a period of profound losing for many Americans.

One of the setbacks for the main characters， the Joad family， is when their car breaks down， again. They dont have the means to fix it， and a pall is cast over22） the group until the grandmother snaps them out of it23）. “This here bearing went out. We didn know it was go in， so we didn worry none. Now shes out an well fix her. An by Christ that goes for the rest of it. ”

The thicker your skin24）， the more perspective you have， the more you improve yourself—and the more youll be winning as you wrestle with losing.

没人喜欢失败。不论是打扑克牌，争取他人芳心还是参加选举，失败似乎是人们无法抹掉的尴尬污迹，又像是我们想快速疗愈的病情，方法可以是重赛、来一小杯冰淇淋或是宣称全程遭到操控。

可是失败的阴云背后也不乏美好的光亮，如果总结所有的失败，你会发现失败看起来更像是成功。

1960年，理查德·尼克松功败垂成，因某些州的选民舞弊而备受指责（不是他自责，是别人指责他），最终失掉了一场艰苦卓绝的总统竞选。然而尼克松却表现出高姿态：“我不仅希望肯尼迪参议员明白，也希望你们所有人都明白，如果他真的成了我们下一任总统，我定会全心全意支持他，你们也一定会支持他的。”精心策划的这一步为尼克松1968年的选举铺平了道路。他本可以因此发泄不满，可他却目光长远，在失败的土壤里播种下东山再起的希望。

每一次失败，无论大小，也不管影响范围如何，都为重整旗鼓再次出发敞开了机遇之门。这不仅有益于你的自尊，对你整个人都是极好的。

退让之举

一场比赛结束时，最常见的礼貌之举就是要输赢双方互相握手。这个动作简单却意味深长。那是化解哪怕一点点残留敌意的做法，使输赢双方都有可能体面地离开。……