By+Claire+Handscombe

身為独生子女，好处可谓一目了然：有专属于自己的东西，可以独享父母的关爱，没有人跟你争抢。但与有兄弟姐妹的人比起来，独生子女的生活中还是缺少了诸多宝贵的东西，比如，分享和分担。下文就让我们来读读一位独生女的自白，体会一下她对拥有兄弟姐妹的渴望。

身为独生子女，好处可谓一目了然：有专属于自己的东西，可以独享父母的关爱，没有人跟你争抢。但与有兄弟姐妹的人比起来，独生子女的生活中还是缺少了诸多宝贵的东西，比如，分享和分担。下文就让我们来读读一位独生女的自白，体会一下她对拥有兄弟姐妹的渴望。

My mother is one of eight siblings and she tells me sometimes that I should be grateful for being an only child. Usually， when she says this， its because of the latest eye-rolling family drama. But to say this is to misunderstand me so profoundly it makes me want to cry.

I have my guesses as to why I never had a sibling， though my mother and I have never discussed it. It could be that it wasnt a choice for her， as it isnt for many others： emotionally， medically， financially， for any number of reasons， sometimes it just isnt possible to have more than one child. But if you can， I believe that giving your son or daughter a sibling is one of the most loving things you can do for them.

Dont get me wrong； growing up as an only child wasnt all bad. My books were never torn by a sticky-fingered toddler. When my father passed away more recently， I inherited a significant sum that I had to share with nobody except the taxman. But I would have traded all of this in an instant—would still trade it now—for having grown up with a sibling.

For not having had to roam on the beach during our yearly visits to the South of France until I found a girl roughly my age of whom I could beg， “Want to play with me？”

For not having had to set up Monopoly games1） and then play two peoples turns myself.

For sharing the burden of expectation with someone， so that my mother could say， “Well， I dont know exactly what Claire thinks she is doing with this writing thing， but David， Davids a doctor. Stephanie has been promoted to head of her department.”

For sharing， too， the burden of care， as I think about my aging mother and stepfather across an ocean.

For having learned to better take teasing， to exchange apologies， to accept conflict as an inevitable part of life， and learn strategies for dealing with it. “Say sorry to each other，” my friends parents told her and me one summer after one of us had pushed the other down the slide and a fight had ensued. “Say sorry to God. Now say I love you. Now hug each other.” It struck me later that they must have been used to—even sick of—saying this to her and her sister. For me it was a single teachable moment that stands out in my childhood for its novelty， for its uniqueness.

Writing pages and pages in my journal after we moved from Belgium to England， I would imagine myself instead lying on my side， elbow propping me up， whispering to my sister. “Can you believe these people？” I would say to her after a rough day at my new school. “Can you believe they think Belgium is a part of Germany？”

Its easy， of course， to idealize nonexistent siblings. I could just as easily have had a brother who beat me up or a sister who ignored me， a sibling of either gender who outshone me or who needed my parents more than I did. But even if I had—even if Id been just as lonely or had different emotional issues to deal with as a child—I believe that growing up with siblings teaches children lessons that I never learned， that I would be infinitely better off for having internalized2） early.

I cant read except in total silence. I cant share things—books especially—without my whole self-cringing3）. And people？ Forget about sharing people. Embarrassingly， I still ache for best friends， for people who belong exclusively to me. My heart still pangs when someone Im close to seems to care a little too much about someone else， because I didnt learn in childhood that a person can love someone besides me， without it diminishing their love for me.

My mother believed in doing things herself. The washing， the ironing. The cooking， the baking. She believed in giving me the space4）， instead， to practice my flute and do my homework. Thats a laudable instinct—but in the long-term， it has not served me well. My practical skills are nonexistent， shockingly so. If shed had more than one child， would she have caved to the pressure of the sheer amount of work？ Made us take on some of it？ Taught us how to look after ourselves better？

Ill never know， just as Ill never know what happened to the girls I met in the South of France， the girls with whom I built sandcastles and swam in the sea and exchanged letters between summers， the girls whom I imagined to be something like sisters， and yet， in the end， faded from my life， as people with whom we do not share blood are wont5） to do.

我的母亲有七个兄弟姐妹。她有时会跟我说我应该心存感激，庆幸自己是独生子女。通常，她这么说，是因为目睹了最近让人侧目的戏剧性家事。但她这样说真是太不理解我了，让我想哭。

虽然从来没有和母亲讨论过为什么我没有兄弟姐妹这个问题，但我有自己的猜测。或许她是身不由己，正如很多人一样：情感上的、健康上的、经济上的，任何原因有时都会导致不太可能多生孩子。但是，如果条件允许的话，给你的儿子或女儿一个弟弟或妹妹，我相信这是你可以对他们做的最有爱的一件事。

不要误解我；作为独生子女长大也不是全无好处。我的书永远不会被随手拿别人东西的一两岁小屁孩撕坏。我父親刚去世不久，我继承了一大笔财产，除了税务部门，没人跟我分这笔财产。但我当时——现在也是——宁愿立刻用这笔钱来换和弟弟或妹妹一起成长的体验。……