Vincent

Dear Mom，

I've seen you around. I've seen you screaming at your kids in public， I've seen you ignoring them at the playground， I've seen you unshowered and wearing last night's pajama pants at preschool drop-off1）.

I've seen you running around with your kids， getting dirty and occasionally swearing2） when you bang a knee. I've seen you wiping your kids' boogers3） with your bare palm， and then smearing4） them on the back of your jeans.

I've also seen you gritting your teeth5） while your kid screamed at you for making him practice piano， or soccer or whatever it was. I've seen you close your eyes and breathe slowly after finding a gallon of milk dumped into your trunk. I've seen you crying into the sink while you desperately scrub crayon off your best designer purse.

I've seen a lot of you， actually.

I see you every single day.

I don't know if you planned to be a parent or not. I don't know if it meets your expectations.

But I know a lot about you.

I know that you didn't get everything that you wanted. I know that you got a wealth of things you never knew you wanted until they were there in front of you. I know that you don't believe that you're doing your best； that you think you can do better. I know you are doing better than you think.

I know that when you look at your child or your children， you see yourself. And I know that you don't， that you see a stranger who can't understand why the small details of childhood that were so important to you are a bother to this small person who resembles you.

I know that you want to throw a lamp at your teenager's head sometimes. I know you want to toss your child out the window once in a while.

I know that some nights， once it's finally quiet， you curl up in bed and cry. I know that sometimes， you don't， even though you wanted to.

I know that some days are so hard that all you want is for them to end， and then at bedtime your children hug you and kiss you and tell you how much they love you and want to be like you， and you wish the day could last forever.

But it never does. The day always ends， and the next day brings new challenges. Fevers， heartbreak， new friends， new pets， new fights. And every day you do what you need to do.

You take care of things， because that's your job. You go to work， or you climb into the garden， or strap the baby to your back and pull out the vacuum cleaner.

I know that you have the words to at least eight different picture books memorized. I've heard that you dance like a wild woman when it's just you and them.

I know you didn't expect most of this. I know you didn't anticipate loving somebody so intensely， or loathing6） your post-baby body so much， or being so tired or being the mom you've turned out to be.

You're not a perfect mom. No matter how you try， no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom.

And maybe that haunts7） you. Or maybe you've made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with.

No matter how much you do， there is always more. No matter how little you do， when the day is over， your children are still loved. They still smile at you， believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work， or at school， or in playgroup， you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy， healthy， and wise as could possibly be hoped.

There's an old saying： "There is one perfect child in the world， and every mother has it." Unfortunately， there are no perfect parents. Your kids will grow up determined to be different than you. They will grow up certain that they won't make their kids take piano lessons， or they'll be more lenient8）， or more strict.

No matter how far from perfect you are， you are better than you think. No matter how many doubts you might have， you never need doubt this one thing： You are not perfect.

And that's good. Because really， neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can， with the wealth of your understanding and your experience.

And since no mother is perfect， chances are you are caught in a two billion way tie9） for Best Mom in the World.

Congratulations， Best Mom in the World. You're not perfect. You are as good as anybody can get.

With love，

Lea

1. drop-off： 接待处；落脚处

2. swear [swe?（r）] vi. 咒骂；诅咒

3. booger [?bu?ɡ?（r）] n. 鼻屎

4. smear [sm??（r）] vt. 涂抹（黏膩的东西）

5. grit one's teeth： （常指因愤怒而）咬牙切齿

亲爱的妈妈，

我见过你。我见过你当众对你的孩子们大喊大叫，我见过你在操场上对他们置之不理，我见过你没有洗漱穿着昨晚的睡衣睡裤出现在幼儿园的接待处。

我见过你追着孩子们到处跑，浑身弄得脏兮兮，而且当你撞到膝盖的时候偶尔还会骂上几句。我见过你直接用手擦掉孩子们的鼻屎，然后把它们抹到自己的牛仔裤后面。

我还见过你咬牙切齿，当你的孩子因为你逼着他练钢琴、足球或者无论什么东西而冲你尖叫的时候。我见过你闭上眼睛深呼吸，在你发现车后备箱里被倒入一加仑牛奶的时候。我见过你在水槽边哭泣，当你绝望地想要擦去你最好的名牌钱包上的蜡笔印的时候。

事实上，我见过你很多样子。

我每一天都会见到你。

我不知道你此前是否曾做好为人母的准备。我不知道现在这些是否符合你的预期。

但是我非常了解你。

我知道你并没有得到你曾想要的一切。我知道有很多东西你从未意识到你想要它们，直到它们出现在你面前。我知道你不相信自己在全力以赴，我知道你认为自己可以做得更好。我知道你现在做得要比你想象中的更好。

我知道当你看着你的孩子或是你的孩子们，你看到了自己。我知道你又看不到自己，你看到了一个陌生人，他不理解为什么那些对你来说非常重要的童年的小细节对这个非常像你的小人儿来说却是一个麻烦。……