RAN Fan-min

【Abstract】Gender discourse was paid much attention in recent years. The primary objective of this fundamental research is to perceive the distinction between direct and indirect in gender discourse. The method used in this study is known as contrastive and analysis which illustrates men and womens differences.

【Key words】gender discourse； direct； indirect

1. Introduction

As a subject of discourse research， the study of gender discourse is relatively new. In order to fully understand the gender discourse we must first know what is gender， and what is the difference between gender and sex？ Sex， gender are often constructed as dualisms， sex is determined by your biological make-up chromosomes， genitalia， etc. Gender is how society treats and expects one to act， based on your biological sex. These include role in family， reproductive contribution， occupation， wages， dress， appropriate behavior.

2. Different kind of communication styles

At first it might seem that men and women would have different communication styles. They have been misunderstanding each other for generations. Numerous research articles draw the same conclusion： men and women speak different languages. There have been many attempts to explain the gender differences in communication by heredity and environment at the top of the list. Parts of the language differences are due to genetic makeup. Babies are born male or female； their brains develop differently and at different rates.

Language differences are also due in part to our social experiences. Born into the same world， we are socialized to live in different world. We respond to boys and girls differently. Our expectations of them are different. Behavior that we tolerate from one sex may be less acceptable from the other sex. For example， boys yell， girls cry. Communication pattern stays with us for life. Generally speaking， boys and men are seen as more aggressive， independent and objective. Girls and women are seen as more submissive， dependent and subjective.

3. Analysis from direct and indirect point of view

A book called Men are from Mars， Women are from Venus， by John Gray mentions that Martians tend to pull away and silently think about what is bothering them. To feel better， they go to their caves to solve problems alone. While Venusians feel an instinctive need to talk about what is bothering them. To feel better， they get together to openly talk about their problems. Venusians openly share feelings of being overwhelmed， confused， hopeless， and exhausted.

This paper focuses on how to best integrate the male and females styles of communication so that there are less misunderstandings and greater satisfaction.

To illustrate the complexity in gender communication， here it examines a typical conversation sequent： He： What would you like for your birthday？ She： I do not care， anything is OK. He： No， really， what do you want？ Id like to get you something nice. She： You dont have to get me anything， besides we cant afford much right now. He： Well， how about if we just go out for dinner together then？ She： Sure， thats fine. I dont really want anything. You always give me whatever I want anyway.

The woman in this conversation feels frustrated. She would very much appreciate a special and unusual gift as a symbol of the strength of their relationship. What the gift would be if not the consideration for her at all； What is important to her is that he should know her well enough to be able to tell what would be just the right gift to symbolize this. The fact that he has asked outright indicates to her that he is unobservant， and unable to interpret her feelings， or in the worst case does not really care for her as much as he says. She feels what he has said is just an exercise in pretending to care and that he is really quite satisfied to get out of the situation with nothing but having to go for dinner.

The result is that even though he has had the best of intentions in his mind and has sincerely wanted to express his feelings for her， what the man has communicated to this woman is quite the opposite. She feels he does not care for her very much at all.

For her part， the woman has wanted to give him a chance to demonstrate his feelings for her， and so she carefully disguises any clues that she is really hoping for the nice gift he has suggested. She hopes that in spite of this conversation he will go out and buy something for her， and so is disappointed to find that he has taken her quite literally and they have only had a dinner together again.

The man and the women in this example have approached the same situation with a different interpretive framework， and so even though they have succeeded in producing a complete coherent， fluent discourse from the point of view of such matters as syntax， turn exchange， and the rest， they have not really understood each other at all. This， then， is the first issue to be considered： men and women approach communication with different interpretive frames. Where one may expect direct explicit statement， the other may be expecting indirect expression.

What we mean to say is that when one expects directness and the other uses indirectness， wrong interpretations and miscommunication are the result. Consider that it is a frequent complaint women make of men that they never tell them that they love them. Once a woman complained that in some decade or more of marriage her husband had never told her that he loved her. The response many men make to this complaint is that they have worked hard at their jobs， they have been faithful husbands， they have not wasted money on themselves for years-what clearer expression of their love could they make than years of demonstrating it through their day-to-day behavior？ In other words， in this case it seems that what the woman is asking for is an explicit statement in so many words， whereas what the man is doing is making an indirect statement through his actions.

So， what is important is the difference in expectations in any particular situation. In some cases， women use indirect approaches to communication while men are expecting direct statement and the men who are expressing themselves indirectly. The issue is not directness and indirectness； the issue is the current interpretive framework. As we will see， in many situations， men and women have different interpretive frameworks and this leads them to draw the wrong inferences from language which in another situation would be quite clear and unambiguous.

Conclusion

We have analyzed the different styles of communication in gender discourse from the perspective of directness and indirectness； here it still has a long way to go in order to further interpret the communication between male and female.

References：

[1]Daniel N.MaltzA Cultural Approach to Male-Female Miscommunication Cambridge University.

[2]Deborah Tannen You Just Don't Understand：Women and Men in Conversation Los Angeles Times.

[3]John Gray Men are from Mars，Women are from Venus.Harper Paperbacks.2004.

[4]West，Cand Zimmerman，D Small Insults，A Study of Interruptions in Cross-Sex Conversation between Unacquainted Persons Newbury House Publishing，1983.