disneys

dilemma

Its been a rocky but ultimately successful path toward the opening of the Chinese mainlands first Disneyland. The Shanghai theme park first ran into issues with their trial run， when visitors dumped litter all over the grounds and it was time for another round of media hysterics about badly-behaved Chinese tourists. That was a minor kerfuffle compared to the media hell-storm that was unleashed when Chinas richest man， Wang Jianlin， more-or-less declared war on Disney by saying that the theme parks he is opening around China will be much better and that China has no need for American cultural products like Disney. Disneys bafflement showed through in their media response， which pointed out that Disney had worked pretty closely with Wangs company， Wanda， which screens Disney movies at its theaters around China. To make matters more complicated， within days， reports of Disney costumed characters gallivanting around Wangs parks had emerged， apparently the result of licensing agreements from private operators within the parks. In mid-June， the park， having cleared those hurdles， finally opened. In news that surprised absolutely nobody， massive quantities of litter again came with it. - David Dawson

100，000 kinds of

suspicion

Congratulations！ You have won 100，000 RMB！ （roughly 15，000 USD）. Sound suspicious？ A woman， cited in the Global Times as “surnamed Cheng” was certainly more than a tad suspicious when she was informed of her prize. She entered a slogan competition with an online video-streaming service， and when company representatives contacted her to tell her of her good fortune， she told them to go away. Again， they persisted. Again， she told them to rack off and stop bothering her. When they continued to try to tell her of her prize， she consulted with her family， who told her that because she had no college education there was no way her slogan could possibly have won the contest and that she was right to be suspicious of these no-good con artists. Finally， she agreed to meet them at the local police office so these fraudsters could be caught， once and for all. Instead， the “fraudsters” managed to persuade the most uncooperative winner ever to take the damn cash. - D.D.

monkey

business

Once upon a time in Xianfeng Village， Sichuan Province， the local community of around 300 people cried out for economic rejuvenation. “I know what will save us！” cried local village secretary He Youliang （not his exact words）. “Monkeys！” He had had an epiphany. There were monkeys in them thar hills， and if theres one thing tourists love， its monkeys. So He lured the monkeys down to the village with snacks. To everyones surprise， the plan worked. The monkeys stayed， and the tourists came. But there was a dark side to this rapidly growing monkey empire. You see， monkeys cannot be tamed by any mortal man （except maybe qualified animal trainers， but there werent any there anyway）. The monkeys bred and bred， which is more or less what monkeys do when given a constant food supply and lots of free time. Anyway， instead of living happily ever after， state media reported that now the village is infested with feral monkeys that steal food from villagers， and the local government has had to step in. - D.D.

Air rage

Rages on

Sometimes you gotta sympathize with the authorities. Despite rolling out blacklists for misbehaving passengers that limit them from flying and stern warnings for wayward tourists who embarrass the nation， flight passengers seem to absolutely insist on making things difficult. The most recent incidents include a nasty beating of a flight check-in worker in Shenzhen， who was beaten until she lay on the ground with a pool of blood around her head. Apparently the thug who beat her was bothered because she couldnt print out an itinerary， and she couldnt do that because he didnt have his ID with him. The grand-facepalm prize for travelers， however， goes to two guys on a flight from Datong to Chongqing， who demanded to be upgraded to business class before the flight had even taken off. As it was taxiing across the runway， they got angry and fought with a flight attendant and fellow passenger before attempting to charge the cockpit. Eventually they were removed in handcuffs. - D.D.

banks plank-spank

tanks

Okay， so your first thought when you hear the phrase “spank bank” is probably filthy， but get your mind out of the gutter. Sometimes banks actually spank， as evidenced by a Rural Commercial Bank branch in Changzhi， Shanxi Province. Eight bank employees at a company event were summoned onstage where their manager proceeded to， well， spank them with a wooden plank. The dastardly crime that warranted corporal punishment？ Apparently it was “not excelling”. The video then wound up on the Facebook page of the Peoples Daily， because apparently a spanking warrants coverage in the social media feed of the nations premier political publication， and social media feeds are weird that way. No prizes for guessing what the public response was： an online mob is already calling for that schmuck managers resignation. But maybe just a spanking would do. - D.D.