By+Anonymous

M y brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sisters bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.“This，”he said，“isnotaslip.Thisislingerie.”Hediscarded thetissueand handed metheslip.

It was exquisite， silk， handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.

“Jan bought this the first time we went to New York， at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion.”

Well，Iguessthisistheoccasion.

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed， with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment， and then he slammed the drawer shut andturnedtome，“Dontever saveanythingfor aspecialoccasion. Everydayyourealiveisaspecialoccasion.”

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sisters family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadnt seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she haddonewithoutrealizingthattheywerespecial.

Im still thinking about his words， and theyve changed the weeds in the garden. Im spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible， life should be a pattern of experience to savour， not endure. Im tryingtorecognizethesemomentsnowandcherishthem.

Im not“saving”anything； we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound， getting the sink unstopped， the first camellia blossom... I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous， I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. Im not saving my good perfume for special parties； clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as wellasmypartygoingfriends.

“Someday”and“one of these days”are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If its worth seeing or hearing or doing， I want to see and hear and do it now. Im not sure what my sister wouldve donehad sheknown thatshewouldntbehere for the tomorrow we alltakeforgranted.

Ithinkshewould havecalled familymembersand afew close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize， and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner， her favorite food. Im guessing. Ill neverknow.endprint

Its those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeinggood friendswhomI wasgoingtogetin touch with someday. Angry because I hadnt written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didnt tell my husbandanddaughteroftenenoughhowmuchItrulylovethem.

Imtryingveryhardnottoputoff，holdback，or saveanything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes， I tell myself that every day， every minute， everybreathtruly，isagiftfromGod.

妹夫打开妹妹衣柜最底层的抽屉，拿出一个用薄纸包着的包裹。他说：“这可不是一件普通内衣，而是一件豪华内衣。”他把薄纸撕开扔到一边，把那件内衣递到我手里。

它的确精致无比，丝质、全手工缝制，周围还有一圈网状蕾丝花边。价签尚未被撕去，上面的数字大得惊人。

“这是我们第一次去纽约时简买的，至少已是八九年前的事了。她从没有穿过它。她一直珍藏着，想等一个特殊的日子再穿上它。”

唉，我想现在便是那特殊的日子了。

妹夫从我手中拿过那件豪华内衣放在床上，和其他我们要带给殡仪服务人员的衣服放在一起。他的手在那柔软织物上徘徊了一会儿，随即他砰地关上抽屉，转身对我说：“永远不要把任何东西留给什么特殊的日子。你活着的每一天都是一个特殊的日子。”

这两句话在我耳边久久回响，伴我度过了葬礼和帮妹夫、外甥女处理妹妹意外死亡后的伤心后事的那几天。我从位于中西部的妹妹家返回加州时，在飞机上还在想这两句话。我想到妹妹未曾有机会看到、听到或去做的事。我想到她做过，却没有意识到其特殊性的事。

我至今还在想着妹夫说的话，正是它们改变了我的心境。我现在花更多的时间与家人、朋友在一起，而少花些时间在那些工作会议上。无论何时，生活应当是一种“品味”，而非一种“忍受”。我在学习欣赏每一刻，珍惜每一刻。

我不再“珍藏”任何东西。只要有一点好事发生，我们就不吝啬使用精美的瓷器和水晶制品，比如说当体重减了一磅的时候，当被堵塞的厨房水槽疏通了的时候，当第一朵山茶花绽放的时候……如果我想穿，我就穿上我的漂亮衣服去市场购物。我的理论是：如果我看上去还富足的话，我可以毫不心疼地为一小袋杂货付出28.49美元。我不再为特殊的派对珍藏我上好的香水，五金店售货员和银行出纳员们的嗅觉，不会比派对上朋友们的来得差。

“有朝一日”和“终有一天”这样的词正从我的常用词汇中淡出。如果值得去看、去听或者去做，我当即就要去看、去听或者去做。人们总是理所当然地以为自己必然有明天，不知假如妹妹知道她将没有明天，她会做些什么。

我想她会给家人和几位密友打电话。她可能还会给几位昔日的朋友打电话主动道歉，摒弃前嫌。我想她可能会外出吃顿她最喜欢的中餐。我只是猜想而已。我永远也不会知道。

假如我知道我的时间不多了，那些没来得及做的小事会让我恼火。恼火，是因为我一拖再拖没能去看看“有朝一日”会去看的好友们；恼火，是因为我还没有写出我“终有一天”要写的信；恼火与内疚，是因为我没能更经常地告诉我的丈夫和女儿，我是多么真切地爱他们。

我正努力不再拖延、保留或珍藏那些能给我们的生活带来欢笑和光彩的东西。每天清晨当我睁开双眼，我便告诉自己每一天、每一分钟、每一次呼吸都真正是上帝赐予的礼物。endprint