WEIBO WHACK

ALL HAIL CCTV!

Tragically, on May 28, in a McDonald's in Zhaoyuan, Shandong Province, a woman was violently beaten to death by six members of the “Almighty God” cult, who believed her to be a devil. Three days later, CCTV's Weibo feed released fi ve tips on how to identify a cult and warned citizens to report them to the police:

1. A cult denounces all other beliefs and claims itself as the greatest;

2. It espouses its own infallibility via brainwashing and self-praise;

3. It prof i ts from oppressing people;

4. It establishes a core network based on inside connections to ensure its own interests;

5. It espouses decent and noble things while undertaking dirty business.

Yet somehow these descriptions reminded Weibo users of, well, you know… — GINGER HUANG (黄原竟)

kingze_C：我好像明白了什么。I feel like I just realized something.

崔永元：很准确。

Very accurate.

琢磨先生：哦，邪教是这样啊。

Ah, so that's what a “cult” looks like…

正能量教授：这……这……中央电视台真这么说的？

Did…did…CCTV really just say that?

改之改之改：我夜观天象，楼主这是要被封号啊。

I studied the stars last night and think that this Weibo account is going to be frozen.

GAOKAO GUARDIANS

Thegaokao(university entrance exam), considered to be the biggest event in every Chinese teenager's life, seemed to rack the nerves of more parents than students this year. To silence any sounds disturbing their precious study machines (children), some parents took drastic, paranoid action, such as poisoning the frogs in the community pond, fi ghting with square dancingdama, putting a ban on toilet fl ushing, putting a stop to elevator usage, and even patrolling exam areas to stop traff i c from making noise. - G.H.

作家崔成浩：其实没什么可紧张的，制造那么大场面，反而打乱了平常的生活模式，会更紧张。其实，你们只要想到一点，就不紧张了，那就是，考上考不上，四年后都不一定找得到工作。真心祝好运！

西门不暗：终于要看到高考生家长和广场舞大妈两大不讲理团体进行历史性的对决了。

洪晃ilook：一个国家的制度让国民变得自私得离谱，这是个好制度吗？

请叫我成广大人：就是因为这些家长，孩子才会感觉到巨大的压力，因此才导致考不好的学生有自杀的倾向。

In fact, there is nothing to be nervous about. Making such a fuss about everything only disrupts the daily routine and creates more tension. Here's one thing that will calm you down: four years later you may not be able to find a job anyway, with or without going to university. Good luck!

Finally, I am going to see the grand duel between the two most unreasonable communities—the gaokao examinees' parents and square dancing dama.

Can a system that turned the people so grotesquely selfish be called a good system?

These parents are the very source of the children's huge pressure. They are the reason the students who fail their gaokao become suicidal.

DOG—MEAT MEET

In Yulin, Guangxi Province, the locals have a tradition of eating dog meat in summer. It is said that on June 21, when the local “Lychee and Dog Meat Festival” begins, over 10,000 dogs are slaughtered. The city government said that the festival is not off i cial and that the government cannot, by law, ban the eating of dog. Numerous animal rights advocates and dog lovers went to Yulin to protest. Some of their more radical actions—such as breaking into restaurants by force to rescue dogs—have caused controversy. — G.H.

北京厨子：1. 我是动物保护主义者；2. 我也反对微博上某些动保组织的极端行为；3. 我自己不吃狗肉；4. 我鄙视吃狗肉；5. 别人扛着我的鄙视非要吃我也没办法；6. 但是如果你竟然敢官方搞狗肉节，老子就要砸你的牌子。

worthy-scorpio：说什么抵制狗肉节是不尊重地方风俗，那些抓宠物狗去贩卖、屠宰的人就尊重过宠物主人吗？现在多少被你们吃的狗是拐宠物，强抢来的呢？据说还有食人族呢，等他住你家隔壁，看你尊不尊重他的饮食风俗。

它基金-爱及生灵：自古以来，其他动物是无法取代猫狗对我们的陪伴意义的。人类文明在前进，我们却退化到只剩下了口腹之欲？任何生灵最终都可化作“肉”，被人类煎烤烹之？

1. I am for animal rights; 2. I'm also against extremist animal rights organizations; 3. I don't eat dogs; 4. I despise dog-eating; 5. I can't help it if other people still choose to eat dogs despite my contempt; 6. But if you ever dare to hold an official dog meat festival, I'm going to rip your head off.

Some claim that to boycott the dog meat festival is to disrespect local tradition, but have those who steal, sell, and kill pet dogs respected their owners? How many dogs have you eaten that were robbed? I heard that there are cannibals somewhere, but if you live next door to a cannibal, let's see how well you respect his traditional diet.

Since antiquity, no other species of animal could possibly replace cats and dogs in that they offer companionship to mankind. Human civilization is progressing, but are we to be degraded by mere gluttony? Are all living things on earth but “meat” to be fried, roasted, and stewed?