by Gaby Dunn

Hey.

I believe in you.

Maybe you think no one does. Maybe youve been a disappointment so long you dont even remember what it was like to look up and see a light ahead， 1）indicating a future full of love， happiness and goals. Its a never-ending 2）spiral—you made a mistake， people stopped believing in you， and then you 3）resigned yourself to being a 4）perpetual mess and stopped trying. You think no one believes in you or that you dont need someone to 5）step up to the plate for you because you 6）reject them before they can reject you. You dont need them， you think， but its a reaction to feeling unneeded by others. You 7）brush it off， laugh at the 8）platitudes， steel yourself against anyone trying to 9）breach the gates.

Everybody needs someone else to believe in them. You think you dont because youve been hurt before， because you left yourself open to 10）wounding when you asked someone to believe in you. So you stopped and built a wall. You decided you needed no one. But it still hurts， doesnt it？

Youre not happy. There are things you want that you dont pursue. Youd rather come up with excuses， or 11）sabotage， or not try at all than try and fail， than to prove right what you think everyone believes about you and so too what you believe about yourself. 12）God forbid， you go 13）out on another limb to move forward in life and it 14）backfires. You dont think youd be able to take it. It would only 15）solidify what you think you already know about yourself： that you are worthless and nothing， that youll never be the person you want to be.

Youre wrong. Youre so， so wrong. Whatever it is you want， you should go for it. You can do it. Youll face 16）pitfalls and rejection， but I have no doubt you can accomplish whatever it is. Maybe youll take some 17）detours， but thats just life. Thats what everyone has to do. Nothing is ever 18）set in stone， as they say. Dont make excuses based on age or income or 19）gender. Dont place limits on yourself and then 20）wallow in 21）self-pity for things that are out of your control. Focus on what you do have 22）power over. Use that to reach your goals.

And if not me， how about you let someone in？ Let that person who wants to love and believe in you break down your 23）barriers. The comedian Mike Birbiglia注 describes“love” as when someone else recognizes that special part of you that， no matter how low your 24）self-esteem， still 25）desperately hopes is there. When someone else sees that in you， you feel 26）invincible. But you can also be let down. Dont be afraid of letting someone believe in you. They must see something you dont quite see yet.

Or believe in yourself. If you dont think other people 27）have faith in you， dont let it 28）convince you that you are nothing. Have 29）immense faith in yourself. Dont invent patterns where there arent any. Dont lose hope that things can change at any moment. Dont resign yourself because others havent believed in you or because you just havent found what it is youre looking for. Especially if youre young. Its wasteful to start thinking like life is over before its really begun.

So theres some 30）food for thought. And even if you dont need it， Ill tell you：

Someone believes in you. I believe in you.

嘿。

我相信你。

或许，你认为没有人会（相信你）。或许，在失意中徘徊了那么久，你甚至不记得抬头直视上方光束是什么感觉——那是指引着你通向充满爱、幸福与目标的未来的感觉。这是一条永无止境的螺旋线——你犯了一个错误，人们不再相信你，然后你自暴自弃，放任自己沉沦在无休止的混乱中，连尝试都放弃了。你认为没有人相信你，或者你不需要任何人站出来为你说话，因为你在他们拒绝你之前已经拒绝他们了。你并不需要他们，你想，但其实这只是你害怕自己不被他人需要所作出的反应罢了。你对此避而不谈，恣意嘲笑那些陈词滥调，死死地封闭自己，不让任何人破门而入。

每个人都需要他人的信任。你之所以不这么认为，是因为你之前被伤害过，因为当你敞开心扉向某个人寻求信任时，你被狠狠地伤害过。就这样，你放弃了期望，筑起了心墙。你决定不再需要任何人（的信任）。但这样做仍然会痛苦，不是吗？

你并不快乐。你有所向往，却不敢追求。你要么找借口搪塞自己，要么消极怠工，要么完全不作任何尝试，以免做了却遭遇失败，从而证明你认为他人对你和你对自己的看法的猜想都是真的。但愿不会如此！你孤立无援地在生活的道路上前进，却总是事与愿违。你认为自己无法承受这一切。就这样，你强化了对自己的预设：你一文不值；你永远都不会成为你想要成为的那个人。

你错了，大错特错。无论你想要什么，都得放手去追求。……