主持人_王众 邓茗文

Personal Essay

主持人_王众 邓茗文

主持人：文书点评栏目的稿源越来越多元化了，感谢各位留学生的支持，本期我们为各位分享一篇在硕士申请中成功转专业的PS。本文的作者是中国一所高校法语专业的毕业生，硕士申请到了美国UIUC的会计专业。应作者要求，其私人信息已被隐去。

My name is XXX, a senior student of Beijing XXX University, one of the most prestigious universities in China and also known as the cradle of diplomats...My life path seemed to be attached to French and people constantly told me that my choice is a one-way street, but I fi rmly believe there are other ways that I can choose and walk out because I never put all my eggs in one thing, thus I choose Finance as my minor and try to fi nd my interest area.01

Therefore, I attended a great number of courses concerning economics and accounting, such as the Financial Management, Financial Accounting, Auditing etc., from which I was exposed to the accounting world.02 I was intrigued.03 by the beauty of simplicity in its core methodology and the diversity in its vast applications immediately.04 Gradually, I took keen interest in accounting, especially when I was a junior student, I had an internship in BDO China Shu Lun Pan Certified Public Accountants LLP where I got access to corporate fi nancial statements, sampling test on hundreds of vouchers, journalizing, auditing working papers, IPO auditing project, and a complete interim report to be presented in Hong Kong Stock Exchange, etc. This unforgettable internship experience aroused my strong interest in accounting industry.05

Out of the class, I also took part in a variety of giant extracurricular and social activities, for example, 2012 China Tennis Open, Chinese People’s Association for Friendship with Foreign Countries, Chief of Arts Department in Student Union of XXX. These activities not only widened my horizon, but also explored my potential abilities of leadership, communication as well as creativity. More importantly, through communicating with different people in different position, I gradually gain some ideas about my career objectives.06

...

When I worked as an assistant in Business Development Department in 2012 China Tennis Open, I often work together with staffs in Financial Department and helped them solve many problems. Frankly, their rigorous and conscientious working attitude as well as challenging working content has fascinated me. However, when my boss asked me to transfer to be head of a group leader of volunteers in Financial Department, I soon perceived that most of volunteers in Financial Department were dissatis fi ed with this decision. So I refused his arrangement on the pretext of can’t afford this responsibility.07

王众

广东外语外贸大学英语专业本科，英国卡迪夫大学国际新闻系硕士，曾DIY申请资料，了解文书写作。

《留学》点评

综合点评：

本文没有很炫丽的创新，非常中规中矩，是很多学生会使用的结构，所以更有分析意义。除了分段点评中提出的问题和建议外，本文因为版面空间限制，隐去了作者进一步罗列自己参与课外活动的段落。

这些补充证明自己很优秀的段落和证明自己学术能力、学术需求的部分并没有很好的承接性，反而将文章割裂成两个部分，让PS缺乏中心。有舍才有得，这虽然是cliche，但在文书写作中确实非常重要，PS需要有一个中心，在硕士申请中，与专业有关的话题无疑更加重要，其他显示自己美好品质的段落，不如通过附加essay或者CV的方式表达。

总体来说，这是一篇四平八稳的优秀文书，值得大部分的学生拿来分析、借鉴。

分段点评：

01 这是个相对保险的开头，作者开门见山地自报家门，并解释了自己为什么要转专业。尽管读上去并不引人入胜，但对于硕士申请来说，这种干净利落的开头显得professional，胜过故弄玄虚的铺垫，毕竟PS都是有字数限制的，如果想不到一个短促巧妙的开头，不如单刀直入。

02beexposedto这是个不错的常用用法，表示自己置身于某个领域（说得酸一点，就是置身于某类知识的海洋中）。

03同义表达有attract，interest等，这里使用intrigue和后面的beauty呼应起来，就颇有文采。

04这一句作者的构思很巧妙，前后的simplicity和diversity是一对反义用法，将其并列使用，很有语言美感。

05这一段简要说明了自己修过的核心课程，用一句话讲了自己的感性认识后，简述了自己的一段重量级的实习经历。仍然是平稳风格，很有分寸，虽然每个部分都有顾及到但点到即止，读起来不啰嗦。

06这类段落很常见，究其原因是舍不得扔掉自认为拿得出手的经历。纵观全文，这段处于上不着天下不着地的尴尬境地：前后段落都在讲自己的学习能力，这段课外活动的罗列与学习无关，提及的品质也属于展示个人附加值，最后提到的职业目标也没有下文说明。即便舍不得扔，建议也置尾处理，仅作为对自己的补充说明。07本段主要想说明一个触动自己要转专业学习的故事，但是有些头重脚轻，不妨用一句话交代背景，然后加一句话补充之后失去了哪些机会等。

08这一段详细地描述了自己职业规划三步走战略，表现了自己的规划能力，证明自己想转专业是考虑清楚的决定而不是跟风或者对原专业的逃避。

09这一段先认可了UIUC会计专业的排名，并强调了自己心仪的两个项目，结构完全没问题。如果字数有限，第一句完全可以省去，不必浪费字数告诉招生官这样的信息，对学校排名的获悉并不会为自己加分。后两句渐入佳境，告诉学校“我仔细地研究过你的课程，他们特别符合我的需求”，第二个MSA项目则处理得更好。This experience reminded me a fact that as a student who didn’t major in accounting, discipline-specif i c knowledge and skills in the fields of accounting is what I need to sharpen and will be a cornerstone for my career. I need to get better understanding about this world through further studies.

I choose to pursue a master’s degree in UIUC for the reason that the Big Four CPA firms acknowledge this prestigious program. I think this choice not only help to achieve my primary career goal of becoming an auditor in the Big Four CPA fi rms after I get the master degree but also is beneficial to my intermediate goal to a senior auditor and excellent department chief within fi ve years. Once accumulating enough expertise and resources and fi nding my interest area, I will leave the Big Four and work in the industry I choose and pursue the CFO position.08

Since the UIUC accounting faculty ranks first in financial accounting research, I believe the theory knowledge and practical operate skills as well as the newest research achievements I will learn from the UIUC can open a door for the Big Four. Particularly, your summer session program will benef i t students in strengthening their academic background and language skills so as to faster and better entering into the learning state. Your MSA program, with a CPA exam oriented curriculum, fulfills my expectation to learn professional knowledge and pass the CPA exam and offers students opportunities to improve our understanding about the accounting world and help us to better fit into the American society and to fi nd jobs.09

I desire to step into accounting field and interact with academic pioneers and industry leaders. And I believe you can open a door for a potential and energetic young lady who has made her mind to do what she likes better.