读后续写新尝试：挖掘照应续写点

2022-12-15广东龙艳琴

疯狂英语·新读写 2022年12期

广东龙艳琴

【名师导学】

通常在一篇完整的文章中，作者会围绕某个特定的主题展开写作，并在篇首或篇中埋下相应的伏笔，在篇尾再进行符合逻辑且合理的照应，我们把这样的伏笔称为续写点。由此可见，续写点往往出现在续写原文中，如果我们能深入解读原文，挖掘合理的续写点，并在续写过程中进行照应，那么我们所续写出来的段落无论在语言、内容，还是逻辑上都能更加符合原文的基调，更能让阅卷老师眼前一亮。

【案例导引】

Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.At the thought of parting with the little creature,Mrs Grant felt sad because the children loved it very much.Having struggled hard,she had to make up her mind to sell the lamb.But she could not ask any child to go for the butcher.Finally,she went herself with a heavy heart and bargained with the butcher for the sale of Daisy.

While the children were all playing with the lamb,the butcher and his boy came to the door.“You see,I am here for the lamb,”said the butcher in a loud voice.Hearing this,one child ran to her mother's side,and asked what was happening in alarm.Mrs Grant gently pushed the child aside,bent down and was about to tell the truth.

“That's my lamb now,Charlie!”said the butcher's boy in a playful tone,going up to Daisy with a rope in his hand.

“No,it is not your lamb.It is ours!”said Charlie,placing himself in front of it.

But the boy,pushing him aside,threw a rope round Daisy's neck,and began to drag the little creature away.The poor lamb bleated(咩咩叫)very sadly.The cry of grief which fell upon the mother's ears was too much for her,and her heart sank inside her.In a moment,begging with tearful eyes,the children were all around their mother with voices choking with sobs for their little pet.

“Please tell your boy to stop for a moment,”she said in husky(深沉沙哑的)tones to the butcher.The boy,at a word from the butcher,stopped dragging the lamb,and the little creature stopped bleating.

In a trembling voice,Mrs Grant explained to children how badly off they were after their father died.She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.With this money,she could buy her children bread to eat.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.

Paragraph 2:

The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.

本文以宠物羊Daisy为线索展开，讲述了贫穷的Grant太太在缺衣少食的情况下，决定卖掉孩子们的宠物羊Daisy。但当屠夫要带走Daisy时，孩子们非常难过，并苦苦哀求，希望能留下宠物羊。屠夫见此情景，受到触动……

根据文章的具体内容和所给的续写段落的段首句，在认真研读文章的基础上，我们可以从以下几个方面入手，全面挖掘续写段落的续写点。

一、挖掘背景续写点

背景续写点主要指事情发生的时间、地点或人物的身份、关系和事件等。通常，文章的首段会交代故事发生的背景。研读文章的首段内容，根据“At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.”可知，Grant太太家里一贫如洗，她不得不卖掉唯一的宠物羊来给孩子们买食物和衣服；根据“Mrs Grant felt sad because the children loved it very much.”可知，孩子们非常喜爱Daisy，舍不得卖掉它，而Grant太太非常爱她的孩子们，不能让孩子们挨饿，却又不忍心夺走孩子们的心中所爱。

●背景续写点

人物：Mrs Grant,the children,Daisy(the pet lamb),the butcher,the butcher's boy

事件：There was nothing left but the pet lamb,Daisy.The children loved it very much.

●背景照应方式

续写第一段可写孩子们如何请求Grant太太不要卖掉Daisy：

“No,no,no,”they dashed to Daisy and threw their arms around it,begging,“please,Mother!We would rather go hungry than lose it!”

二、捕捉细节续写点

细节描写主要包括语言、动作和心理描写，文章对Grant太太的细节描写较多，可以作为续写点在续写时进行回应。

动作描写续写点：bargained with the butcher、gently pushed the child aside、bent down and was about to tell the truth、said in husky tones to the butcher。

心理描写续写点：Mrs Grant felt sad、she went herself with a heavy heart。

细节描写照应方式：（听到孩子们的请求之后）Hearing this,Mrs Grant was in great sorrow,her heart bleeding.Having struggled hard,she turned to the butcher and decided that she would not sell Daisy and would return the money.

三、挖掘情节续写点

根据“She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.”可知，Grant太太已经收了屠夫的钱，而根据续写第二段的段首句可知，屠夫受到触动，那么极有可能，最后Daisy并没有被卖掉，那么之前屠夫已经给的钱该怎么处理呢？

情节续写点：She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.

情节照应方式：Grant太太把钱退还给屠夫。

四、挖掘矛盾解决续写点

原文故事的主要矛盾续写点：Grant太太家一贫如洗，不得不卖掉唯一的宠物羊来换钱，而孩子们却非常喜爱那只羊，故而舍不得卖掉它。续写段落应围绕主要矛盾展开，着力解决主要矛盾。

主要矛盾照应方式：屠夫被孩子们的请求触动，决定把买来的宠物羊当作礼物送给孩子们。

五、寻找主题续写点

文章一开始便说“Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.”，据此可知，家里能卖的都卖了，就剩这只宠物羊，所以到故事最后，宠物羊被卖掉了吗？

原文主题：Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.Mrs Grant determined to sell Daisy for food but the children begged not to do that.

主题意义：本文的主题语境是人与社会，故事传递出来的主题意义是和谐友善。

照应（升华）主题续写：The butcher promised that he would buy Daisy from their mother and then gave it back to them as a gift.Hearing that,all the children gathered round and stroked the pet,their little hearts filled with joy.

六、解读续写所给首句，安排续写逻辑顺序

认真解读两个续写段落所给的首句，根据首句内容以及全文的情节发展，合理地安排续写的逻辑顺序，这是非常重要的一步。该步骤可以通过问题链的方式进行，即提出一连串有逻辑关联的问题，然后回答。回答的内容即是前五个步骤里提到的续写点，因此，需要把前五个步骤里找到的各种续写点的照应方式按照逻辑顺序排列。

●续写段落的首句

Paragraph 1:But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.

Paragraph 2:The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.

根据续写第一段的首句，结合前文故事情节，可设置问题链如下：

根据续写第二段的首句，结合前文故事情节并衔接续写第一段，可设置问题链如下：

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.“No,no,no,”they dashed to Daisy and threw their arms around it,begging,“please,Mother!We would rather go hungry than lose it!”Hearing this,Mrs Grant was in great sorrow,her heart bleeding.After all,she clearly knew that the children had devoted so much love to Daisy and that Daisy was more than a pet lamb to them;it was,in their eyes,a family member!Having struggled hard,she turned to the butcher and decided that she would not sell Daisy and would return the money.Paragraph 2:

The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.When Mrs Grant took out the money and gave it back,he just waved his hand and announced,“I will not rob the children of their pet!”He approached the children,patted them on the shoulders gently and promised that he would buy Daisy from their mother and then gave it back to them as a gift.The word left the children standing stunned.Then,looking up at him,one asked seriously,“Sir,do you really mean that?”The butcher just replied seriously,“I mean every word of it.It is our Daisy.My boy and I will come to see it occasionally.”Hearing this,all the children gathered round and stroked the pet,their little hearts filled with joy.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

My sister Priscilla and I just came back from a week-long vacation in Portugal with lots of photos.I'll remember so many wonderful things about my trip to the cities of Lisbon and Porto,but one experience in particular sticks out,something that happened on our last night in Lisbon.

Before the trip,I put together a very detailed route of places to see.One of the mustvisit places on my list was Livraria do Simão,the smallest bookstore in Lisbon.On our very first day in Lisbon,Priscilla and I searched for it.We found the oldest bookstore in the world.But the smallest one was impossible to find!Back at the hotel,where we had Wi-Fi,I looked the bookstore up again,hoping we'd have time to find it on another day.But our schedule was delayed,and we probably wouldn't have time to look for it.

On our last full day in Lisbon,Priscilla and I took a day trip to Cascais,a coastal town outside the city.We decided,at the last minute,to visit a historic flea market(跳蚤市场).We walked for about an hour,up many steep hills.When we finally reached the market,completely out of breath,all the sellers were closing up,not to mention that we were both tired and hungry.Priscilla and I argued over the directions.I insisted we turn right,which ended up being a right decision.We climbed up more steep hills,farther and farther away from any area we recognized.We made another right turn onto a random street and Priscilla stopped to check the map.Meanwhile,I looked up at the street sign,Rua da Madalena.I'd heard that name before.We continued a little farther up the street,and I spotted a few people hanging out in a lane.There was something particularly familiar about the scene.I looked closer.There was a small store practically hidden in the lane.It had books in its windows.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Oh my goodness!The bookstore!