陈娟

1. A very fat lady sitting on the bus， noticed three elderly ladies standing. Turning to the man next to her， she said， “If you were a gentleman， you'd get up and let one of those ladies sit down.”

“If you were a lady，” he replied， “you get up and let all three of them sit down.”

2. Mother： “Why is your little brother crying？”

Billy： Because I won't give him my piece of cake.

Mother： Is his piece gone？

Billy： Yes—he cried when I ate that， too.

3. Piano tuner： I've come to tune your piano.

Lady： But we didn't send for you.

Piano tuner： No， but your neighbors did.

4. A lady decided to breed chickens but she didn't have much luck. At last she wrote to the Ministry of Agriculture for some advice. She wrote： “Dear Sir， every morning I find one or two of my prize chickens lying stiff and cold on the ground with their legs in the air. Would you kindly tell me what is the matter？” A few days later she got this reply： “Dear Madam， your chickens are dead.”

5. Office Manager： Look at all the dust on this desk. It looks as if it hasn't bee cleaned for a fortnight （兩星期）.

Cleaning lady： Don't blame me， sir， I've only been here a week.

6. Teacher （on phone）： You say Tommy has a cold and can't come to school？ To whom am I speaking？

Voice： This is my father.

7. Teacher： At which battle did Nelson die？

Willy： His last one.