Dear Dad，

Youre doing it all wrong.

Eleven years ago， the doctors handed you a little， pink 1）bundle of 2）vulnerability. You were 26 years old， and you walked out of the hospital entirely responsible for a brand new human being. A whole person. As if that were a totally 3）sane thing to let you do. It scared you. They eventually handed you two more little people. It was supposed to get a little easier each time.

It didnt.

You never got less afraid. You never got more certain about how to be a dad. So you decided to 4）make it up along the way. You can stop feeling bad about that—its what everybody else is doing， too. The problem is， you listened to the voices in the world around you， instead of listening to the voice coming from the world within you. You can forgive yourself for that， too. The voices around you are loud and hard to ignore.

They told you 5）achievement matters most. So you stressed about 6）school districts and kindergarten homework and guitar 7）recitals. You secretly kept score in your head at first grade soccer games. You thought scoring goals was the goal of life.

But can you remember？

Can you remember what it was like to be just a few years out of 8）diapers and to score a goal on the soccer field？ You didnt care about the score and you didnt start planning for your future soccer 9）scholarship. No， you 10）whipped your head around to be sure they were looking. The real goal was to be seen. The real goal was to have someone to celebrate with.

Dad， you can stop spending all your time trying to get them into school， and you can start taking the time to walk them to school.

They told you good parents give their kids great experiences. So you turned yourself into an event planner and a part-time personal driver. You 11）signed them up for camps， 12）sampled after-school activities like a 13）smorgasbord， and went to every possible program and event. You went to 14）Legoland because you thought you had to. And then you wondered why the kids were tired and unhappy.

Outward experience is where we find 15）thrills， but inward experience is where we find a home.

Dad， your kids dont need you to help them live the fullest life; they need you to help them find the deepest life. You dont have to show them the world; you just have to listen to the world going on inside of them.

Dear Dad， I just watched a movie that ended with this thought： “We dont 16）seize the moment; the moments seize us.” Dad， youre doing it all wrong. Stop trying to seize every moment. Stop trying to make your childrens lives 17）extraordinary. Instead， allow every ordinary moment to seize you. Your kids lives are 18）unfolding one moment at a time， and the thing they want most is also the thing they need most.

They want you to be a witness. To their passing moments.

They want you to pay attention. To their 19）fleeting lives.

Dad， it may be just another hurried Tuesday morning to you， but to them its another morning to wonder if you notice. Another morning to wonder if theyll have a place to belong. Another morning to wonder if they are beloved. Another morning to wonder about the purpose of this one wild life. Another morning for you to join them in all their becoming. Another morning in which you are the most important man they know.

Im guessing that may be a little 20）overwhelming.

Be overwhelmed， Dad.

Let the moments roll over you and be overwhelmed by the 21）sacredness of every single one. Pay attention like their lives depend upon it， because they feel like their lives do depend upon it.

Be still. Notice. Join.

In the end， Dad， it may be the only part of being a dad that really matters.

With love，

You

亲爱的老爸：

你全都做错啦。

十一年前，医生们递给你一个包着脆弱小人儿的粉红小包裹。那时的你才26岁，走出医院后却要完完全全地对一个全新的人类生命负责——一个完完整整的人。似乎让你做那样的事是完全合乎情理的，但你却被吓坏了。最终，他们又交给你另外两个小人儿。按理说，你应该会依次变得轻松一点儿。

但你没有。

你的恐惧从未减少。对于如何当一个父亲你也从来没有什么把握。于是你决定，边学边做。你不用对此感到难过——其他人也是这样做的。问题是，你总是听你周围的声音，却不去聆听发自内心深处的那个声音。对于这一点，你也可以原谅自己。毕竟，你周围的声音是那么大，又那么让人难以忽视。

他们告诉你成绩最重要。所以你为了孩子们的学区、幼儿园作业和吉他独奏会操碎了心。你还偷偷记下他们一年级足球比赛时的得分。你认为进球得分就是人生的目标。

可是，你还记得吗？

你还记得自己刚刚摆脱尿布没几年就在足球场上进球时的情形吗？那时的你不关心得分，也没开始为未来的足球奖学金做打算。没有，你四处张望，确认他们都在看着。你真正的目标，是被看见。真正的目标，是有人和你一起庆祝。

老爸，别再把所有时间都花在让他们读好的学校上了，现在你可以花些时间陪孩子们一起走路上学。

他们告诉你，好的父母应该给予孩子们美好的体验。于是你把自己变成一名活动策划者和一个兼职的私人司机。你给孩子们报名参加了露营，让他们去体验像大杂烩般多样的课外活动，尽可能地参加每一个节目和活动。你带他们去乐高乐园，因为你觉得你们必须去。然后你感到很困惑，为什么孩子们会如此疲倦不堪、闷闷不乐？

外在的体验让我们找到刺激，但内在的体验才是家之所在。

老爸，孩子们不需要你帮助他们过上最充实的生活;他们需要你帮他们找到生命的真谛。你不需要向他们展示这个世界;你只需要聆听他们的内心世界。

亲爱的老爸，我曾看过一部电影，它在结尾处表达了这样一种思想：“不是我们抓住当下，而是当下抓住我们。”老爸，你全都做错啦。别再试图抓住每一个瞬间，也别再试着让你的孩子过上非凡的生活了。相反，让每一个平凡的瞬间抓住你吧。孩子们的生活会一步步地展开，他们最想要的东西也正是他们最需要的。

他们希望你做一个见证人，见证他们逝去的瞬间。

他们希望你做一个关注者，关注他们稍纵即逝的生活。

老爸，对你来说，这或许只是另一个匆忙的星期二早晨，但对他们来说，这又是另一个想知道你是否注意到他们的早晨;另一个想知道他们是否有归属的早晨;另一个想知道他们是否被爱着的早晨;另一个想知道这种疯狂生活的意义何在的早晨。对你来说，这是另一个你参与他们所有成长变化的早晨。另一个你成为他们最重要的人的早晨。

我猜这可能有点难以应付吧。

招架不住就招架不住吧，老爸。

让那些瞬间在你身上打滚，让每一个神圣的瞬间淹没你吧。给予他们关注，就像他们的生活依赖于这份关注一样。因为他们的生活确实依赖你的关注。

静下心来，关注他们，融入他们。

老爸，到头来，这也许才是作为一个父亲最重要的部分。

爱你的，自己

注释：

1） bundle n. 捆，包

2） vulnerability n. 脆弱性，弱点

3） sane a. 神志清楚的，合乎情理的

4） make up 补足，弥补

5） achievement n. 成就，成绩

6） school district 学区

7） recital n. 朗诵，独奏会

8） diaper n. 尿布

9） scholarship n. 獎学金

10） whip v. 鞭打，突然移动

11） sign up for 报名参加

12） sample v. 取样，尝试

13） smorgasbord n. 瑞典式自助餐，大杂烩

14） Legoland 乐高乐园

15） thrill n. 兴奋，激动

16） seize v. 抓住

17） extraordinary a. 非凡的

18） unfold v. 打开，展开

19） fleeting a. 飞逝的，短暂的

20） overwhelm v. 淹没，压倒，制服

21） sacredness n. 神圣