By Cristina Odone

We assume that child-rearing1child-rearing抚养子女；育儿。classes are only for troubled2troubled不安的；麻烦多的。families but everyone could benefit.

我们都以为育儿课程针对的只是问题家庭，但其实人人都能从中受益。

[2]We all know what we want for our children: to be happy,confident,loving.But getting them there? Who can say whether it is best to adopt a firm disciplinarian approach or a caring-sharing,huggy-kissy one? Should we use naughty corners3naughty corner顽皮角落，最初来自BBC一档著名家庭类节目《超级保姆》（Super Nanny），通过让孩子坐顽皮角落的方式，让他们学会反思。原则是1岁1分钟，2—3岁的孩子最多不超过3分钟，这种罚坐的方式主要目的是让小孩子冷静下来，明白什么是可为和不可为的界限。,or “time-out4time-out罚站；计时隔离。美国父母制止孩子不当行为的一种常见方式，让犯错误的孩子回自己房间静一静，或者对着一堵墙反省。”,or a “ban on screens5指手机、平板电脑和笔记本电脑等视屏媒体（screen-based media）设备。”? Is a parent who demands all A-stars better than a parent who wants to be a BF?

[2]我们都清楚自己对孩子的期望：希望他们快乐、自信、富有爱心。但是如何让他们成为这样的人？厉行严格的教育方式还是采取关怀分享、亲亲抱抱的方法，谁能说哪种更好呢？该采用罚坐顽皮角落、罚站或禁止玩手机和电脑的手段吗？跟与孩子成为知心好友的父母相比，要求孩子取得全A成绩的父母更称职吗？

[3]I recently met Gary Lewis,the headmaster who transformed Kings Langely school in Hertfordshire from a sink6sink位于贫穷地区的；贫民窟的。comprehensive to an outstanding academy7academy〈美国〉私立学校。,said that parents need mentoring,too.He had been offering his school’s parents “advice evenings”,centered on a moral dilemma: “Katie has spent her pocket money but her best friend’s birthday is coming up.She asks you for £10 as a loan,what should you do?” When Lewis finished speaking,the assembled masters and mistresses of the universe fell upon8fall upon进攻；遭受。him with a barrage9barrage接二连三的一大堆（质问或指责等）。of questions,concerns and dilemmas of their own.Mentoring of struggling children was forgotten as high-earning parents begged the head for more tips.

[3]最近我见到了加里·路易斯，他是赫特福德郡金斯兰利中学的校长，他把这所条件平平的综合中学转变成了一所知名学校。他一直为学生家长开设“忠告之夜”课，关注这样的道德难题：“凯蒂的零用钱已经花完，但好友就要过生日了。她向你借10英镑，你该怎么做？”等路易斯说完，这些聚集在一起的宇宙主宰者们接连对他发问，讲的都是自己的问题、忧虑和困境。这些高收入的家长恳请校长给予更多建议，而如何开导为难的孩子这个问题被抛到了脑后。

[4]I doubt a single one of those parents knew about parenting classes.If they did,they will have assumed that they were for “troubled families”—but the truth is,even those who think they know what they’re doing need the support,skills and connections provided by such classes.

[4]我怀疑这些父母中可能谁也不知晓育儿课程。就算他们知道，也会觉得这是为“问题家庭”而开设的——但事实是，即使父母清楚自己在做什么，也需要这些课程提供的帮助、技能以及由此建立起来的人脉。

[5]Couples expecting a baby will automatically enroll in an antenatal10antenatal产前的。class,whether with the National Childbirth Trust(NCT)or the NHS11= National Health Service（英国）国民医疗服务体系。alternative.But once they have filled the NHS’s little red book,with its record of height,weight and vaccinations,parents seem to think they must cope on their own.Admitting defeat at the hands of a pocket-sized tyrant seems humiliating;turning for help in dealing with a teenager’s traumas12trauma〈心〉（精神）创伤。become associated with sinister stories.Anyone who has had a record of addiction lives in fear of interventions by social services.Given that so many parenting classes are run by local authorities and include parents who have been referred by a GP13,a teacher or the police,the “troubled families” label sticks.

[5]准父母们都会自发地参加产前课程——不管是国家生育信托基金会还是国民医疗服务体系的。可是一旦填完了NHS发放的小红本（上面将记录孩子身高、体重以及疫苗接种情况），父母们似乎就认为必须要孤军奋战了。承认败在巴掌大的小恶魔手中好像很丢脸，而为处理一个十几岁孩子的心灵创伤问题去寻求帮助，似乎又容易让人产生邪恶故事的联想。任何人只要有过吸毒史，都很恐惧社会福利机构的干预。考虑到很多育儿课程都由当地政府经营，而且这些父母都是应全科医生、老师或警察的要求参与课程的，他们也就贴上了“问题家庭”的标签。

[6]In the aftermath of childbirth,you don’t have to be among the one in ten mothers suffering from postpartum14depression to feel low or lonely.Finding that other parents are cut off from the grown-up world,guilty about failing their children,overwhelmed by responsibilities,is comforting.Admit that you snapped at your six-year-old and fellow parents will remind you about patience and self-restraint.I watched in awe as memories and aspirations were elicited15from parents;open-ended questions resulted in an often poignant16picture of how they had been raised and how differently they sought to raise their own children.■

[6]生了孩子以后，不只是那10%的患产后抑郁症的妈妈会情绪低落或感到孤独。其他父母也会与成人世界隔绝、因辜负孩子而愧疚或者被责任压垮，了解这一点，你会稍感宽慰。承认你曾经很凶狠地呵斥自己六岁的孩子，其他家长会提醒你要有耐心，要懂得克制。看着父母们讲述自己的往事和心中的期许，我感到不可思议。开放性问题带来了常常令人心酸的画面——他们是如何被抚养长大的，如今又是如何尝试用不同的方式去养育自己的孩子。□