By Han Songluo

Ove’s wife Sonia died of illness six months ago,and Ove wanted to follow her footsteps by taking his own life.However, his attempts to commit suicide were always interrupted by his neighbors.

Ove, at 59 years of age, has worked for the railways for 43 years and lived in his community for 30 years. Years of experience as a trackwalker have made him intolerant of any disorderly conduct. Carrying a grim face,he maintains everything in his neighborhood, making sure that behaviors like illegal car parking,scattering about things, disposal of waste without sorting, and driving on the sidewalk are minimized.

After the death of his wife, he started spending his life inside an airtight protective cocoon,displaying no sign of emotion to others. Even when he looked after his neighbor’s children, he would keep a straight face; and after fixing a bicycle for a young fellow, he would complain of his carelessness.

His neighbors had seen enough of it, and they understood him thoroughly. The first time he put a rope around his neck, his neighbor backed a truck into his mailbox while moving; the second time he tried to hang himself,his neighbor’s kids passed his window and peeped into his house with curiosity; and the third time, when he locked himself in a car, attempting to kill himself by filling the car with exhaust fumes, his neighbor banged on the garage door, hoping that he could drive her to the hospital.His suicidal attempts were held up over and over again. Though it may have seemed accidental,those disruptions were actually intentional. In fact, he was waiting for them as well. Whenever he saw a sign that prevented him from taking further actions, he would take advantage of it and drop the idea of killing himself.

During his suicidal preparations,his recollections explained why he was so reluctant to part with life.His childhood, the early death of his mother, the embrace that his father—also a railway worker—gave him after his mother’s death,his work experience at the railways,his first flat, Sonia—the woman he

欧维的妻子索尼娅在6个月前患病去世，他决定以自杀的方式随她而去，但他的自杀，一次次被邻居们打断。

欧维59岁，在铁路上工作43年，在这个小区里住了30年。他那多年铁路员工的经历，让他容不下一切扰乱秩序的事。他冷着脸，维护着小区里的一切，对乱停车、乱放东西、不给垃圾分类、在人行道上开车等行为进行管制。

他严严实实地把自己包裹起来，不让自己流露出一丝一毫的感情。即便帮助邻居照看小孩，他也拉长着脸；给年轻人修理好了自行车，他也不依不饶埋怨几句。

邻居们不吃他这一套，他们早就看穿了他。他把脖子套进绳索的瞬间，邻居吵吵闹闹地搬家，撞坏了他的邮箱；他再一次把脖子套进绳索的时候，邻居的孩子刚好从窗外经过，好奇地向屋内张望；他把自己关在车里，想用汽车尾气自杀，邻居敲开车库门，要他帮忙送人到医院去。他的自杀计划，一次次被耽搁了，看起来是被动的，实际上是主动的。他其实就在等着周围人的挽留，稍一示意，稍一挽留，他就顺势留下。

他在进入自杀准备状态时的回忆，说明了他为什么对生命会有这么深的留恋。他的童年、他母亲的早逝、他的当铁路工人的父亲在母亲去世后对他的拥抱、他在铁路上的工作、他的第一处房子、他在火车上遇到后来成为他妻子的索尼娅、他们的幸福生活、他们的西班牙旅行，还有他和邻居傍晚在小区里行走时四周亮起的灯火……所有这些，点点滴滴，都成为拉住他的手。

弗雷德里克·巴克曼的小说《一个叫欧维的男人决定去死》，用很有趣的方式为每个章节命名：一个叫欧维的男人在小区巡逻；一个叫欧维的男人拉着拖斗车……这些细节不只和他有关，也和周围的人有关。他总是在帮助人，帮人学习驾车，帮人修理自行车，他总在一点点加深和这个世界的联系，总在向下伸出根须。所以，当他心生去意的时候，这个世界也在抓他。死亡“是生命最大的动机之一”，但死没有那么容易，尽管他已经做足了准备，早早坐进了等候室。

即便是最孤独的人，其实也难得孤独。总有人来敲门，met unexpectedly on the train who later became his wife—his happy life in marriage, his honeymoon trip to Spain, and the streetlamps that lit up the way home for him and his neighbors… All of these fragments of memory form an intangible hand that pulls him back from the abyss of suffering.

In the novel A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman, all the chapters are named in an interesting way—such as“a man called Ove makes his neighborhood inspection” and “a man called Ove backs up with a trailer.” These minutiae are not only related to Ove himself, but also concern the people around him. You always find him lending a helping hand to others. For example, he would teach someone how to drive a car, or help someone repair his bicycle. He is always strengthening his tie with the world bit by bit, and spreading out his roots deep into the soil just like a tree; therefore, when he considers leaving eternally, the world is holding him back. Death is one of the biggest motives for our lives, yet it is difficult to make it happen, even though some of us are well-prepared and have stepped into the “waiting room” at an early stage.

Even if you are the loneliest person in the world, it would still be hard for you to feel lonely,as the knocking at the door,the shining lights, the pleasant smell of the dishes, and the noise in your ears will always be of company to you. The movie The Devotion of Suspect X depicts the life of a reclusive person,Tetsuya Ishigami, a brilliant mathematics teacher who lives like a dying person in a flat—alone and quiet. However, the mother and daughter living next door are constantly making noise, and he can always smell the aroma of their dishes and hear their laughter.Although the sounds and smells do not belong to him, when he is at home, he gets tremendous comfort from the lights shining next door.

In fact, so-called loners who claim to be reclusive and solemn can also be a beacon of light for others. Shining from afar, they can always illuminate the way towards happiness.

(From Response, April 2017.Translation: Zhu Yaguang)总有灯火亮起，总有饭菜的香味飘来，总有吵闹声在耳畔响起。在一部同样描绘孤独者的电影《嫌疑人X的献身》里，数学天才石神哲哉孤独地住在公寓里，像个将亡之人，但隔壁母女俩却总在发出响动，总在制造饭菜香气和嬉笑声。尽管那声音和气味并不属于他，但当他归家的时候，望望隔壁母女家的灯火，就会感到莫大的慰藉。

事实上，那些自以为隔绝、自以为冷漠的孤独者，也是别人的灯火，可以让他人遥望，可以给幸福者以气力。

（摘自《共鸣》2017年第4期）