Youve got questions？ shes got answers

（but you probably wont like them）

Dear Ayi，

My husband and I have lived in Beijing for 10 years and finally saved enough for a down payment on an apartment. We came across a great deal， but the neighbors told us its a “haunted house” where a murder happened. Should we take it？

Didnt you learn the concept of 唯物主義 （w9iw&zh^y#， materialism） in Marxism class at school？ Death happens on every inch of the Earth， and you have nowhere to hide if you are so 迷信 （m！x#n， superstitious）. But since you have turned to me， I will offer you a solution： Hang huge portraits of Marx， Chairman Mao， and Deng Xiaoping in the living room to 镇宅辟邪 （zh-nzh1i b#xi9， guard the house and ward off evil）. Their combined materialist aura will protect you from any evil spirits or 负能量 （f&n9ngli3ng， negative energy）. Just ask those cab drivers who hang icons of the Chairman that say “一路平安” （y！l& p！ng`n， safe journey） in their cars—they certainly cheat death every day！ But hurry， before other people get the idea to burn incense and hire monks to recite scripture in the apartment， or just rent it out to unsuspecting tenants.

Got questions for our Agony Ayi？ Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com