文/谭乐 译/袁朝云 王静雅 审订/馨心

我 的 移 民 故 事

文/谭乐 译/袁朝云 王静雅 审订/馨心

Technologist Tan Le1谭乐，爱默提公司（Emotiv Systems，美国加州旧金山的一家神经科技公司）的联合创始人。2011年她在TED女性峰会（TEDxWomen）上发表演讲，讲述她幼时和母亲、外婆和妹妹从越南偷渡到澳大利亚建立新生活的故事。本文是这篇演讲的英文实录。tells a very personal story: the story of her family—mother, grandmother and sister—fleeing Vietnam and building a new life.

How can I speak in 10 minutes about the bonds of women over three generations, about how the astonishing strength of those bonds took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl huddled2huddle（通常因寒冷或害怕）挤在一起。with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother for fi ve days and nights in a small boat in the South China Sea more than 30 years ago. Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl and never let go—that small girl now living in San Francisco and speaking to you today. This is not a fi nished story. It is a jigsaw33 jigsaw拼图游戏。puzzle still being put together. Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

[2] The fi rst piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn slipping silently out to sea. My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died—already in an arranged marriage, already with two small girls. For her, life had distilled4distill提取……的精华。itself into one task: the escape of her family and a new life in Australia. It was inconceivable5inconceivable不能想象的；不可思议的。to her that she would not succeed. So after a four-year saga66 saga（讲述许多年间发生的事情的）长篇故事；一连串的事件（或经历）。that defies7defy向……挑战,向……叫阵。fiction, a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fi shing vessel. All the adults knew the risks. The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death. Like most adults on the boat, my mother carried a small bottle of poison. If we were captured, fi rst my sister and I, then she and my grandmother would drink.

[3] My first memories are from the boat—the steady beat of the engine, the bow dipping88 dip（突然的）下沉。into each wave, the vast and empty horizon. I don’t remember the pirates who came many times, but were bluffed9bluff（虚张声势地）恐吓，吓唬。by the bravado10bravado故作勇敢；虚张声势。of the men on our boat, or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours. But I do remember the lights on the oil rig11oil rig石油钻塔。off the Malaysian coast and the young man who collapsed122 collapse（尤指因病重而）倒下。and died, the journey’s end too much for him, and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig. No apple has ever tasted the same.

[4] After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne. And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women across three generations shaping a new life together. We settled in Footscray, a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants. Unlike the settled13settled稳定的；安定的。middleclass suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious14oblivious不注意的；不知道的。of, there was no sense of entitlement15sense of entitlement特权感；特权意识。in Footscray. The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world. And the snippets16snippet（消息、知识等的）片断；小部分。of halting English were exchanged between people who had one thing in common: They were starting again.

[5] My mother worked on farms, then on a car assembly line17assembly line流水作业线。, working six days, double shifts. Somehow, she found time to study English and gain IT qualifications. We were poor. All the dollars were allocated18allocate分配。and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for regardless of what missed out, which was usually new clothes; they were always secondhand. Two pairs of stockings for school, each to hide the holes in the other. A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years. And there were rare but searing19searing（话语、文字）尖刻的。chants20chant重复的话语。of “slit-eye”21欧美人对东亚人的蔑称。slit长而窄的口子；狭缝。and the occasional graffiti22graffiti涂鸦。: “Asian, go home.” Go home to where? Something stiffened inside me. There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying, “I will bypass23bypass撇在一边；看成无足轻重。you.”

[6] My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed. My mother was exhausted each night, but we told one another about our day and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house. My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat. And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came so I could wake her. She opened a computer store, then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

[7] I lived in parallel worlds. In one, I was the classic Asian student, relentless24relentless不停的；不懈的。in the demands that I made on myself. In the other, I was enmeshed25enmeshed陷入的；被缠住的。in lives that were precarious26precarious（生活等）不安定的。, tragically scarred27scar给……留下精神创伤。by violence, drug abuse and isolation. But when I was a final-year law student, I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year. And I was catapulted28catapult使突然上升；使一跃而成为。from one piece of the jigsaw to another, and their edges didn’t fi t.

[8] I didn’t know the protocols29protocol礼节。. I didn’t know how to use the cutlery30cutlery餐具（刀、叉和汤匙）。. I didn’t know how to talk about wine. I didn’t know how to talk about anything. I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort of life in an unsung31unsung被埋没的；未被颂扬的。suburb—a grandmother,a mother and two daughters ending each day as they had for almost 20 years, telling one another the story of their day and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed. I told my mother I couldn’t do it. She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been when we boarded the boat. “No”had never been an option. “Just do it,”she said, “and don’t be what you’re not.”

[9] So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education and the neglect of the marginalized32marginalize使显得微不足道；使处于边缘。and disenfranchised33disenfranchise剥夺（某人）的权利（尤指选举权）。. I met people from all walks of life, so many of them doing the thing they loved, living on the frontiers of possibility. There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.And I realized that it is OK to be an outsider, a recent arrival, new on the scene—and not just OK, but something to be thankful for, perhaps a gift from the boat. Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons, can so easily mean accepting the presumptions34presumption假定；认为真实的事。of your province35province（学识或活动的）领域；（兴趣或职责的）范围。. I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now to know that, yes, the world does fall apart, but not in the way that you fear.

[10] Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat. Who could ever wish it on their own? Yet I am afraid of privilege, of ease, of entitlement. Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave, the unperturbed36unperturbed未受干扰的；平静的。and steady beat of the engine, the vast horizon that guarantees nothing? I don’t know. But if I could give it and still see them safely through, I would. ■

技术专家谭乐向我们讲述了自己的家事：一个关于自己和母亲、外婆、妹妹逃离越南、开创新生活的故事。

血脉相连的三代女性的故事，十分钟哪里讲得完；30多年前，中国南海海面上，正是血脉相连的惊人力量，让一个4岁的小女孩与妹妹、母亲和外婆紧紧相依，熬过五天五夜的漂泊。