学生习作名师点评

【栏目要求】

1.将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩;2.在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3.根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由;4.给学生习作点评〈优点与不足〉;

5.请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

投稿邮箱：zxsyy2007@163.com或whzxsyy@163.com

来稿请寄：430079华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》杂志社 收

本期点评名师

于莹1992年毕业于山东师范大学，中学高级教师，梁山县优秀教师，市级优质课一等奖，一直担任初中英语的教学工作，连续多年在中考中取得优异成绩。2012年12月在山东省英语竞赛中荣获优秀指导教师称号。先后在《中学生英语》、《山东教育导报》、《现代中学生》、《初中生英语学习》、《英语辅导报》、《英语周报》、《学生导报》、《新课堂》等国家级、省级报刊上发表教学论文三十多篇。

My Mother

My mother is a doctor.She is a 41-years-old①woman.She a good mother.I love her very much.

One morning,my mother was back from the hospital.She came to my bedroom and said,“Look for②your bedroom,dear.It is too dirty.You must clean it right now.”“Oh, Mum,but I cleaned it yesterday.”I said.“It’s dirty now.You must clean it again,”said my mother.“No.I don’t want to clean it today.If I clean it today,it will be dirty again tomorrow,”I said.Mother thought for a moment and said,“All right,don’t clean it.”

In the evening,I was back from school.I was very hungry,so I said to my mother, “Give me something for③eat,Mum.”“You had your breakfast in the morning.And you had lunch at school,”said my mother.“But I’m hungry now,”said I.“Hungry?But if I give you something to eat today,you will be hungry again tomorrow.”Then I understood what my mother meant.So I cleaned my bedroom by myself.Mum was happy and said, “That’s very good.”

How④a good mother she is!

山东省梁山县杨营中学初一 李华

点评

1.优点：

本文构思巧妙，小作者的妈妈将计就计，用事实来晓之以理，说服小作者要从小养成打扫卫生的好习惯。文章句式富于变化，表意清楚，有条有理，是一篇值得推荐的学生习作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①41-years-old改为41-year-old。“年龄-year-old”表示“几岁的”；

②for改为at。look for意思是“寻找”，look at意思为“看一下”；

③for改为to。此处不定式做定语；

④How改为What。how引导的感叹句：how+形容词+主语+谓语或how+副词+主语+谓语；what引导的感叹句：what+（a/an）+形容词+主语+谓语。

3.评分：

按中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准，本文修改前可得12分。

【栏目要求】

1.将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩;2.在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;