绘/不归肉



卷福在华生婚礼上的伴郎致辞

绘/不归肉

I'm afraid John， I can't congratulate you.

All emotions and in particular love， stand opposed to the pure，cold reason I hold above all things.

A wedding is， in my considered opinion， nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious①specious英 ［'spiːʃəs］ 美 ［'spiʃəs］ adj. 似是而非的；外表美观的；华而不实的；徒有其表的and irrational②irrational英 ［ɪ'ræʃ（ə）n（ə）l］ 美 ［ɪ'ræʃənl］ adj. 不合理的；无理性的；荒谬的and sentimental in this ailing③ailing 英 ［'eɪlɪŋ］ 美 ［'elɪŋ］ adj. 生病的，身体不舒服的；体衰的v. 生病；苦恼（ail的ing形式）and morally compromised world.

To d a y w e h o n o u r t h e deathwatch beetle④beetle英 ［'biːt（ə）l］ vi. 急忙来回；突出vt. 用槌打n. 甲虫；大槌that is the doom of our society and in time one feels certain our entire species.

But anyway， let's talk about John.

If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures，this is not out of sentiment or caprice⑤caprice英 ［kə'priːs］ 美 ［kə'pris］ n. 任性，反复无常；随想曲，怪想， it is that he has many fine qualities of his own， that he has overlooked in his obsession⑥obsession 英 ［əb'seʃ（ə）n］ 美 ［əb'sɛʃ（ə）n］ n. 痴迷；困扰；［内科］［心理］ 强迫观念with me.

Indeed， any reputation I have for mental acuity⑦acuity 英 ［ə'kjuːɪtɪ］ 美 ［ə'kjuəti］ n. 敏锐；尖锐；剧烈and sharpness comes in truth， from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides.

It is a fact， I believe， that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there， I feel， and contrast is， after all， God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous⑧ludicrous英 ［'luːdɪkrəs; 'ljuː-］ 美 ［'ludɪkrəs］ adj. 滑稽的；荒唐的fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.

The point I'm trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant，rude， ignorant， and all round obnoxious⑨obnoxious 英 ［əb'nɒkʃəs］ 美 ［əb'nɑkʃəs］ adj. 讨厌的；可憎的；不愉快的arsehole that anyone could possibly have misfortune to meet.

I am dismissive of the virtuous，unaware of the beautiful and uncomprehending in the face of the happy.

So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be Best Man. It is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend.

And certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

John， I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth andconstancy of your friendship.

But as I am apparently your best friend， I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually， now I can.

Mary， when I say you deserve this man， it is the highest compliment of which I am capable.

John， you have endured war and injury and tragic loss， so sorry again about that last one， so know this-today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved.

In short， the two people who love you most in all this world，and I know I speak for Mary as well when I say， we will never let you down. And we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

恐怕我不能恭喜你，约翰。

所有的情感，尤其是爱，与纯粹冷静的理智相违背，而我认为这种理智高于一切。

在我的信念中，婚礼简直就是在庆祝这个病态的道德败坏的世界中一切虚伪、华而不实、荒谬、感伤的东西。

今天我们是在庆祝宣告死亡的蛀虫，它注定了我们社会的消亡，也注定了整个人类的灭亡。

但是，我们还是谈谈约翰吧。

如果我在旅途中找个帮手，这个不会是出于情感需要或是心血来潮，而是由于他本身的一些美好品质，只不过由于对我的痴迷而忽视了。

的确，大家都知道我观察力敏锐。事实上，这不过是和约翰对比出来的，约翰无私地提供了如此强烈的对比。

我相信，事实上，新娘总是倾向于在其重要的日子里选择姿色特别平庸的伴娘。我觉得这肯定是一种对比，毕竟对比是上帝展现他的创造之美的一种手段，或者上帝并不是为结婚的傻瓜们提供了职业机会而设计出来的可笑的幻想。

我想说的是，我是最讨厌、最粗鲁、最无知的人、彻头彻尾的讨厌鬼，任何人遇到我都是一种不幸。……