张武

The Speaker

An after-dinner speaker was talking on and on and on， boring everyone to tears. One of the guests， fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open， turned to the lady on his right and said， “Can something be done to shut him up？”

“If there is Id like to know，” said the lady， “Im his wife and Ive been trying to shut him up for twenty years.”

讲演者

一位晚餐后的讲演者说个没完没了，以至每个人都烦得哈欠连天。有一位客人使劲睁开他沉重的眼皮，转向坐在他右边的一位女士说：“有没有办法使他不说话了？”

“如果有办法的话，我倒很想知道。“这位女士说，”我是他的妻子，我已经试了20年了，都没能办到。”

Only One Eye to Settle On

The girl found the go-between and said， “You cheated me！ One of his eyes is not true. Why didnt you tell me this before？”

“I have told you， ” said the go-between with justice on his side， “When you first met each other， I told you that he settled on you with one eye.”

一眼看中

姑娘找到媒人，說；“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？”

“怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就告诉你他一眼看中你的。”

What a Beach！

An American touring the Sahara was dressed in a bathing suit. A Bedouin gazed at him in amazement.

“Im going swimming，” the tourist explained.

“But the ocean is eight hundred miles away，” the Arab informed him.

“Eight hundred miles！” the American explained with a huge smile， “Boy， what a beach！”

多宽阔的沙滩！

一名美国人身穿游泳衣在撒哈拉沙漠旅行。一个游游牧民诧异地看着他。

“我要去游泳，”这位游客解释道。

“可是海洋在八百英里以外呢，”这位阿拉伯人告诉他。

“八百英里！”美国人满面笑容地惊叫道，“好家伙！多么宽阔的沙滩啊！”

Im Her Father

A staid-looking gentleman was upset at the dress of some young people on the street. “Just look at that，” he barked to a bystander. “Is it a boy or a girl？”

“Its a girl. She is my daughter.”

“Oh， forgive me，” apologized the man. “I didnt know you were her mother.”

“Im not，” snapped the bystander. “Im her father.”

我是她老爸

一位外表稳重的绅士对街上年轻人的打扮颇为不满。“你看看那一个，”他对旁边的人大声叫道，“那是个男孩还是个女孩？”

“是女孩，是我的女儿。”

“噢，请原谅，”那位先生道歉说，“我不知道你是她母亲。”

“我不是她母亲，”那个人怒气冲冲地说道，“我是她老爸。”

Be Honest

“If youre going to work here， young man，” said the boss， “one thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in？ ”

“Oh， yes， sir.”

“And another thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.”

应该诚实

“年轻人，如果你想在这里干事，”老板说，“有一件事你必须要学会。那就是我们这个公司里要求非常干净。你进来时在蹭鞋垫上擦脚了吗？”

“噢，擦了，先生。”

“另外一件事是我们要求非常诚实。我们门口没有赠鞋垫。”