绘/修介

暗恋对象有了女朋友，你会怎么样

绘/修介

Oh， look at that you're holding hands with someone else that's not me. How weird！

He's dating someone？ Since when？ But is it like serious dating？ Or just like one of those things that's gonna fizzle①fizzle 英 ［'fɪz（ə）l］ vi. 失败；发咝咝声；萎靡 n. 失败；咝咝声out in the next month？ I wonder if she's met his parents yet. I wonder if his mom likes her. His mom would love me.

How could he cheat on me and destroy our hypothetical②hypothetical 英 ［，haɪpə'θetɪk（ə）l］ 美 ［，haɪpə'θɛtɪkl］ adj. 假设的；爱猜想的relationship like this？ But he's my boyfriend. He just， you know，doesn't know it yet. It's okay， it's okay. He just needs to kiss a few frogs before he finds his perfect princess.

My daydreams never anticipated③anticipated 英 ［æn'tɪsə，peɪtɪd］ 美 ［æn'tɪsə，petɪd］ adj. 预期的；期望的this. But like... what？Dang it， she's cute. But， I mean，I'm like cuter than her， obviously.

Act natural， just smile and pretend that you're totally not losing it inside. Ah they seem nice enough. I just feel like he won't be truly happy without me by his side. So really I'm just looking out for his happiness.

I swear， if she breaks his heart I'm gonna break her skull④skull 英 ［skʌl］ 美 ［skʌl］ n. 头盖骨，脑壳. Actually， if they break up I could be the rebound chick. I'll be his shoulder to cry on when it all goes downhill. Please break up，please break up， please break up，please break up. I feel bad for wanting them to break up， but at the same time I don't. Sorry not sorry.

He is missing out on true love by not being with me. Am I morally opposed to being a side chick？ Yeah， I'm opposed to it. But just by a little bit. Oh wow you guys are cute. Yeah， so cute，so cute. You guys have a really cute friendship！

Oh no that's not platonic⑤platonic ［plə'tɑnɪk］ adj. 理想的；柏拉图哲学的；不切实际的；纯精神友谊的at all. I'm not jealous. I'm totally not jealous right now！ Okay maybe I'm a teeny bit jealous.

If I had even an ounce of music ability， I could make a killer song right now. I need to learn everything about this girl. I'm smiling through the pain. This is a prank⑥prank 英 ［præŋk］ 美 ［præŋk］ n. 恶作剧，开玩笑；戏谑 vt. 装饰；打扮， right？ Am I being filmed right now？ Don't mind me， I'm just gonna lock myself in my room for the next 48 hours.

Cool， now I can be a third wheel on dinners with my crush. Oh wow， she's perfect， huh？You've never seen someone with better hair？ Really， never？ That's so funny. I object to this.

Why didn't he ask me for my blessing before they started dating？ Wow， this has been a truly great reminder of how single I am. Don't mind me over here， just working on my future，adopting 30 cats.

看着你正牵着一个女孩的手而那个人不是我，尴尬喽！

约会？什么时候？这次是认真的吗？还是跟之前一样撑不到一个月吧？我想知道她见他的父母了没，也想知道他妈妈会不会喜欢她，我觉得他妈妈一定会喜欢我。

他怎么能这样玩弄我的感情，破坏我的幻想呢！他是我的男友耶，只是他自己还不知道而已。没关系，他只是在遇到他心中完美的公主前需要亲一些青蛙罢了。

我的白日梦中没有梦到这些。但是……什么？天哪，她好可爱，但很明显地我比她可爱很多。

必须表现自然一点，强颜欢笑吧。呼……他们看起来还蛮登对的啦。我想没有我在他身边，他并不会真正快乐，所以其实我只是为了他的幸福着想。

我发誓，如果她伤了他的心，我一定打爆她的头。老实说，如果他们真的分手了，我也是可以帮他疗伤的。情况真的很糟的话，我可以让他哭倒在我的肩膀上。拜托你们分手吧！拜托分手，拜托分手，拜托分手……我觉得希望他们分手的自己很坏，但好像又没那么坏。真是抱歉啊。

他已经错过他的真爱，因为他不是和我在一起。我应该根据道德来反对当个小三吗？是啊，我是反对的。但就那么一点反对。哦！你们两个真可爱，你们的关系真好呢！

哦不，不要这样，这样一点都不柏拉图式了，我没有在忌妒。我现在完全没有在忌妒！好吧，可能有那么一点点忌妒。

如果我有一丝丝音乐才能，我现在就能做出一首杀手之歌，我想知道更多关于那个女孩的事。我会强颜欢笑，这只是恶作剧对吧？现在有摄像机在拍我吧？别管我，我要在房间独处个48小时。

我想我现在可以当我爱人晚餐时的电灯泡了。哦，她真完美，是吧？你从没发现发型这么好看的人吧？真的没有？从来没有？太搞笑了！我才不相信。

为什么他们在一起前没有来请我给他们一个祝福呢？哇，这彻底地提醒了我自己现在孑然一身。别管我了，我会继续过我的人生，领养30只猫之类的。

Thoughts When Your Crush is Dating Someone Else