By Anastasia Sukhoretskaya 译 / 左娜

“闪电约会”现场

“并非是地球引力使人坠入爱河。”大名鼎鼎的物理学家爱因斯坦经历过两次婚姻，晚年还有伊人相伴，他对爱情的这番解读格外精辟。如同万有引力一样，地理距离对两个相爱的人来说也并非障碍。

如今外国人因各种各样的原因来到中国，他们未曾料想到，爱情就在异国转角处等待。对一些外国人来说，异国恋曲只是一次冒险，或是一种排遣寂寞的手段；而另一些人则借此遇上了相伴终生的幸福婚姻。“这就是‘缘分’！”中国人总会如此总结。但谁又能否认，其实是我们自己主宰了自己的命运？这里我为那些渴望在中国找到另一半的“老外”们总结了五种方法，希望他们能成功收获爱情，无论对方是中国人还是另一个寻觅幸福的“老外”。

如果你自己没能解决“个人问题”，别担心，总会有人向你伸出援手，甚至是提供约会场所和潜在对象让你接触。比如说，“闪电约会”。在像北京这样的大城市，“闪电约会”的出现满足了大城市年轻、未婚的“打拼者”们的交友需求，因此颇受欢迎。中国人杨旭是北京“闪电约会”活动最早的发起者之一。“在北京，‘闪电约会’同时面向本地人和外国人。”杨旭组织的活动主要针对外国人，但本地人也可参与。要参加“闪电约会”非常简单。你只需搜索微信公众号“北京闪电约会”，发送包括爱好、职业等信息在内的个人简介，然后等待组织者的回复即可。该账号还会及时将最新的活动公告推送给用户。“闪电约会”通常在周末举行，每个参与者都有一个号码牌，男女相对而坐。男士每隔三分钟换一次座位，与下一位女士交谈，直到每两人都交谈过一遍才结束。整个活动是用英语进行的，所以对那些年轻、渴望国际化的中国本地人来说，“闪电约会”不失为一次锻炼英语能力的好机会。但是，中文流利的老外还享有另外的机会。“糖果果交友网”和该网站组织的“闪电约会”活动完全是中式的，至今已有三年历史。要参加他们的活动，你需要在网站上注册。网站创始人之一朱云涛先生说该网站每场活动至少能召集到70人，最多则可以召集200人左右。他们的活动每周末将举行两次，并有可能安排私人间的约会。朱云涛认为中、西式的“闪电约会”大不一样，西方主要是闲聊，愉快即可；但如果要参加中式速配，你得准备好回答以下问题：“你是干什么工作的？”“你的工资有多少？”“你有兄弟姐妹吗？”和最重要的问题“你有房有车吗？”这些问题无论是男性还是女性都得面对。然而，尽管中西方对婚姻的看法迥然不同，朱云涛表示仍有“天不怕地不怕”的老外来参加活动，希望找到中国伴侣。“俄罗斯、美国、澳大利亚和其他国家的外籍人士都有来参加的。”

除了“闪电约会”，还有英语角这个好去处。北京的英语角多到泛滥，主要功能是让大家聚在一起练习英语。谁知道你会在英语角遇到什么缘分？说不定在这里你能碰到命运中的“那个人”，40年后，你们还会坐在一起回忆当年相遇的那个英语角呢。

如果你工作繁忙、性格腼腆，“闪电约会”你也不感冒，网络则会为身在中国、患“缺爱症”的你提供更多的“治疗手段”。每个在北京的单身汉都不能忽略著名约会网站如badoo中文版、“城市周末”网、“北京人”社区和“我们在北京”网站。当然，约会网站的可信度赶不上“闪电约会”，因为你不知道网页上那些漂亮的照片背后到底躲的是谁。但我们也看到确实有从网上交友发展到一段稳定感情，最后走向婚姻的正面例子。米娅，一个美丽的金发拉脱维亚女孩，和中国出生的罗伯特，一个互联网市场专家相识于寻找旅伴的交友网站。几次接触后，两人发现彼此之间有很多共同点。在前往美国的旅途中，米娅和罗伯特的感情日益深厚，渐渐变得难舍难分。

米娅与罗伯特

有人说，如果你就坐在家里，爱情是不会找上门来的。去酒吧、夜店来次“探险”是再简单不过的办法了。北京、上海、广州这样的大城市都号称有“最时髦”的酒吧，且很多都坐落于城市中心，很容易找到。但酒精的刺激很难与认真的感情画等号，大多时候只是为了排遣寂寞而已。

工作中的社交和大学里的同学交往也是公认的“找对象”途径。有什么人能比和你一同学习、工作，彼此扶持、知根知底的同伴更适合交往呢？对那些还单身的人提个意见，请留心周围，说不定“缘分”早已躲在你的身边，而你却忽略了。

最后一个找到真爱的秘诀是，尽可能在闲暇时间多参加各种各样的社交活动，无论是朋友的婚礼、三里屯“老书虫”书店的智力竞赛或是北京首都剧院的表演。曾参加首都剧院中文表演的加拿大女孩珍妮弗与中国男孩钢钢相识一年了。“我们是在首都剧院的后台认识的，之后我俩的感情‘螺旋式上升’，在经历了一系列事情后，如今我们已是一对幸福的夫妻了。”珍妮弗满脸甜蜜地回忆说。她曾在北京做过4年英语和法语培训老师，现在她当起了老板，开了一家自己的语言培训学校。她没想到自己在戏剧公司工作的同事会请她出演一场戏，“我是个开朗、喜欢社交的人，我很快和剧场的工作人员‘打成一片’。我对其中那个负责舞台换场的男孩最有感觉，他每次都会在我上场前确认我的服装已经准备好。我们的第一次约会是在三里屯的一间酒吧，之后我们一直保持交往，最后坠入爱河。”珍妮弗又补充到：“因为语言障碍，我们学会了如何耐心地相处，我们还感悟到不要将误会看得太严重，两个人在一起高高兴兴最好。尽管我们有开放的心态决定在一起，我俩还明白不能仅仅是去发现一种新的文化，还要融入这种文化，这样才更了解彼此。我俩这种情况并不常见，尤其是在中国，所以我们的爱情证明了文化可以‘和而不同’，一切皆有可能！”

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love”, said a well-known physicist and scientist Albert Einstein who, being a father and a twice-married man with a mistress accompanying him in the twilight of his life, definitely had an eye for love affairs.Geography, just like gravitation, is not an obstacle for two loving hearts.People come to China, on different reasons,not expecting that love is awaiting them at the corner.For some,a love affair in China means an adventure, an antidote for boredom, but for the rest, and I’m glad to point out, for a solid part of China’s expat society, it leads to a long-life and happy marriage.“It’s yuanfen!” the Chinese will exclaim.But who said that it’s not us who is responsible for our fate? I have resumed the five most possible ways that can help the desperate expats in China to meet their significant ones, be it Chinese or another seeking for love foreigner.

If you can’t solve the problem on your own, fortunately, there is always someone who is ready to give a hand, or better – to provide a place and potential partners to choose from.For a small consideration.Speed dating, as it is dubbed in English,proves that love is not blind.In big cities like Beijing speed dating events are very popular.This is the latest trend that has emerged as the reaction to the demand of society, especially of the young unmarried megapolis dwellers.Yang Xu, a Chinese by nationality, is a founder of the earliest speed dating events in Beijing.As Mr.Yang Xu emphasizes, “Beijing speed dating shoots its arrow at both locals and expats” as the event is intended mostly for foreigners but locals can also participate.The procedure of registration is simple.One needs to find a public page in WeChat under the name “BeijingSpeedDating”and send a short description of himself, not forgetting to mention hobbies and job occupation, and wait for the response from the moderator.The news about the upcoming events can also be easily found inside the account.The time of the events falls on the weekend.On the appointed day the participants who have their own number are seated in pairs.Gentlemen change their seats every three minutes and go to the next lady until everyone is finished.The conversation is held in English so the Chinese-born participants stand a perfect chance to practice their English as well as to find a partner from another country which has become a trend among young, perspective and international-minded locals.However, there is another option for those foreigners who are fluent in Chinese.The website tangguolove.com and corresponding speed dating events in the Chinese style were established three years ago.To get into this event, one needs to register on their website.According to one of its co-founders, Mr.Zhu Yuntao, every time the events gathers at least 70 participants and 200 and more at most.The events are held twice on the weekends with the possibility of arranging private match-making.As Mr.Zhu Yuntao explained, there is a difference between Chinese and Western style speed dating.The Western speed dating is mostly the chitchat, meet for fun.But if one wants to take part in the Chinese speed dating, he should be prepared to be snowed under the questions like“What is your job?”, “How much do you earn?”, “Do you have brothers or sisters?”, and, the king of all questions, “Do you have an apartment and a car?” addressed both to male and female participants.However, notwithstanding the frightening differences between the Chinese and Western way of seeing marriage, Mr.Zhu Yuntao said, there are fearless foreigners who come to his events specially to find a Chinese partner.There used to be participants from Australia, the USA, Russia and other countries.

Apart from speed dating, there are English corners, which is a plethora in Beijing.The main aim is to gather together and speak English.I was introduced into one English corner that was held in CBD on Saturday evenings.But this is only one of many around Beijing.Who knows, whom you will meet there.There is a possibility that after 40 years from a fatal encounter you will be sitting together one day and reflecting about that very English corner where you met each other.

If you are that busy or shy and speed dating is not your cup of tea, the Internet offers many other ways to cure your absenceof-love sickness in China.Everyone who is still single in China cannot ignore the well-known dating websites like badoo.com(the Chinese version), cityweekend.com.cn, thebeijinger.com and most likely weliveinbeijing.com.Of course, they lose points to speed dating events, as you never know who’s hiding behind a pretty face on the photo on a website.However, there are cases when the internet encounter resulted into long and strong relationships that led to marriage eventually.Mia, a stunning blond girl from Latvia, and Robert, a Chinese born, Internet marketing expert, got acquainted on one of the websites that offers the service of finding a travelling companion.After a few meetings and talks they discovered they had much in common.Their mutual affection grew stronger when Mia and Robert went to the USA to travel.Since then, they are inseparable.

Some people say if you sit at home, your love won’t be able to discover you.Searching for adventures in bars and clubs is as easy as ABC.Big cities like Beijing, Shanghai or Guangzhou can boast of the “funkiest” clubs in China.Many of them are concentrated in the city centers which makes them easy to find.But the alcohol has never been a friend of serious relationships.However, it can be a temporary cure of loneliness.

No one should exclude social contacts at work or university as the potential place to find your true love.What can be better than someone you know very well, with whom you worked or studied shoulder to shoulder, who helped you or whom you helped in troublesome situations.A message for those who are still lonely – probably you should just look around.What if your yuanfen is hiding under your very nose?And the last but not the least path to finding a true love is to take part in every social event that your time can afford be it friend’s wedding, Quiz night somewhere in the Bookworm on Sanlitun, or even performing in a Chinese play in Beijing Capital Theatre that happened to Jennifer from Canada and Gang Gang from China.As Jennifer said, they know each other for over a year now.“Since our first encounter backstage, during a Chinese play in Beijing Capital Theatre, we have been through a spiral of emotions and events that brought us to the happily married couple we are today.” said Jennifer.She was working as an English and French teacher in Beijing for four years until she decided to open her own language training center.She didn’t expect her colleague from the drama company she was working for would call and ask her to act in a play.She says, “Being the bubbly and social girl as I am, I befriended the theatre staff and the crew, particularly the one that made the décor changes and made sure I was OK before going on stage.After our first date in a bar in Sanlitun, we kept talking and seeing each other and eventually, fell in love”.Later she adds, “Because of the language barrier we learned how to be patient with each other.We also learned not to take misunderstandings too seriously and just be happy.Although we already had an open mind to start even as a couple, we learn to not only discover about a new culture but also live it, which makes each of us more aware of who we are.In our case, the match that we have is quite rarely seen, at least in China, so just by 'being' we are a testimony that celebrates differences and shows that everything is possible!”

本文作者特别感谢杨旭先生（北京“闪电约会”的创始人）、朱云涛先生（“糖果果交友网”创始人），米娅和罗伯特，以及珍妮弗和钢钢向我们讲述他们的经历。

At the end, the author of the article wants to express special gratitude to Mr.Yang Xu (founder of “Speed Dating Beijing”), Mr.Zhu Yuntao (founder of tangguolove.com, Chinese speed dating events), Mia and Robert, as well as Jennifer and Gang Gang for their amazing and full of love stories and experiences.