YOU’VE GOT QUESTlONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS

〔BUT YOU PROBABlY WON’T llKE THEM〕

What should I get my girlfriend for our three year anniversary? Can you suggest something special?

Love in Liaoning

How about a wedding ring? Back in my day, 不以结婚为目的的谈恋爱都是耍流氓 〔bù yǐ jiéhūn wéi mùdì de tán liàn'ài dōushì shuǎ liúmáng, if your love affair does not end with marriage, then you are just being a hooligan〕, and you would be thrown in jail for toying with women in such a way. I don’t know what’s wrong with you young people to live such a 堕落 〔duòluò, degenerate〕 life. How do your parents feel about this? You know they want a 孙子 〔sūnzi, grandson〕, you 不孝之子 〔bú xiào zhī zǐ, unfilial child〕! You just don’t want to take 责任 〔zérèn, responsibility 〕, so cut the crap about gifts and give her what she really wants—a house, a car, your bank card, and a ring.

I always get phone calls from telemarketers, what should I do?

Annoyed Andy I say 以牙还牙，以眼还眼 〔yǐ yá huán yá, yǐ yǎn huán yǎn, a tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye〕. They waste your time, you waste theirs. Don’t just hang up when they ask you if you need a 贷款 〔dàikuǎn, loan〕 or to buy 基金 〔jījīn, investment securities〕； pretend to be interested and answer every question with “然后呢？〔Ránhòu ne? And then?〕” They will keep talking until they 口干舌燥 〔kǒugān shézào, have their mouth parched and tongue scorched〕. You can even put your phone down, just to pick it up from time to time to say 嗯 〔n, hmm〕 to hint that you are still there. Of course, you could end up with a giant phone bill, but who cares. You’ve taught them a lesson.

Do you know of anything fun to do for Single’s Day this year? How should I celebrate?

Single and Loving It

A proud 光棍儿 〔guānggùnr, bald stick, meaning “single”〕, now that’s rare. Why don’t you carry on your 光荣传统 〔guāngróng chuántǒng, glorious tradition〕 of being宅 〔zhái, indoorsy〕 with some 网络购物 〔wǎngluò gòuwù, online shopping〕. That’s the real purpose of this 无中生有〔wú zhōng shēng yǒu, fictitious〕 holiday anyway. Bury your sorrow in the many online discounts and be more self-serving. Celebrate the day with the reason you are single, what’s more appropriate than that?

got questions for our Agony Ayi? Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com

Expert riders herd their horses across the grasslands of the Bashang Plateau, which stretches across both Heibei Province and Inner Mongolia