YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS (BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

I Iost aII my money in the stock market, what shouId I do? I haven’t even toId my wife!

Broke Broker

I know what people usually do; they 跳楼 (tiàolóu, jump from a height) to 一了百了 (yì liǎo bǎi liǎo, end it for good). May I suggest a building so tall that you won’t be a further liability to your family? 自作自受 (zì zuò zì shòu, you made the bed, now you have to lie in it)！I have no pity for you 懒鬼 (lǎn'guǐ, lazy ass). You think you can make money sitting in front of a computer? My son who made a name for himself in the hutongs will teach you a lesson; it’s called 人在江湖飘，哪能不挨刀 (rén zài jiānghú piāo, nǎ néng bù āi dāo, once you join the gang world, you are bound to be knifed sooner or later). Guess what? It’s your turn. My final advice? Be a man and get a real job!

I get so mad when peopIe stand on the Ieft side of the escaIator, bIocking everyone behind them. Any advice?

Concerned Citizen

Do you personally own the escalator? 管得着吗？(Guǎn de zháo ma? Who made you the boss?) People can 随心所欲 (suí xīn suǒ yù, do whatever they like) in the jungle that is the public area of the escalator. You 没用的东西 (méi yòng de dōngxi, useless person, wuss), just give them the shoulder if you want to pass. Don’t even say 劳驾 (láojià, excuse me). It’s a sign of 软弱 (ruǎnruò, weakness) !

I don’t want to waste my Iife working in an office anymore, Iike that teacher who wrote in her resignation Ietter: “The worId is big and I want to see it.”

A Free Spirit

Yes, 周游世界 (zhōu yóu shìjiè, go around the world). Even my drunk husband has that dream. He says he will divorce me and go on a world tour once he wins the lottery. You know what? 理想很丰满，现实很骨感 (lǐ xiǎng hěn fēngmǎn, xiànshí hěn gǔgǎn, dreams are plump, but reality is skinny as hell). Let’s just say we are still married. Take a good look at your bank account balance. Are you a 富二代 (fù'èrdài, rich second generation)? Or is your daddy Li Gang? Then wake up from the 痴人说梦 (chī rén shuō mèng, idiot’s daydream) and drag your ass to the office. I don’t care if you feel like a 僵尸 (jiāngshī, zombie) there; the rice is not going to make itself.

Got questions for our Agony Ayi? Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com

Women work in the Shanyao salt fieldsin Quanzhou, Fujian Province, the second largest state-owned salt production base in the country