谷约

什么是空话？一般认为，说了等于白说的话，就是空话。在很多情况下，套话、大话和假话也属于空话的范畴。相信大家看了以下几个例句后会更容易理解何为空话。

1. Im eager to enrich my knowledge and experience through study at your esteemed university. （我想通过到贵校学习来丰富自己的知识和见识。）

评析：人们去大学学习的目的之一都是丰富自己的知识和见识。这句话的空泛程度不亚于“我拿着电影票到电影院看电影”。另外，申请者切忌在留学文书中使用your esteemed university之类的敬语表述，同时也不要频繁变换人称或视角（point of view），不能一会儿用I，一会儿用you，一会儿又用学校名称。留学文书一般采用第一人称或第三人称来写，千万不要半路杀出第二人称your esteemed university。

2. UCLA has outstanding professors， students with extraordinary backgrounds， a beautiful campus， and rich library resources. （加州大学洛杉矶分校有顶尖的教授以及背景出众的同学，有美丽的校园和丰富的藏书。）

评析：在这句话中，申请者只是笼统地写出了名校都具有的特点，并没有说出UCLA的独特之处。这样的话语和your esteemed university等表述一样，恰恰反映了申请者对该校缺乏了解，只能用空话来充数。

3. I was class monitor for three years. （我当了三年班长。）

评析：不能只笼统地写当了几年班长，申请者要把当班长具体做了些什么事、为什么做这些事、做这些事的意义何在等等也写出来。

4. I finished reading the original English version of Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith while I was still a junior middle school student. （我初中就读完了亚当·斯密的《国富论》英文版。）

评析：申请者不能只写自己读完了什么书，关键是要写出一些与此行动相关的内容，比如你读完《国富论》后受到什么启发？你是否同意亚当·斯密的观点？一般初中生不会对经济学家的论著感兴趣，你为什么会感兴趣，是什么促使你去读这本书的？这本书和你想申请的专业之间有什么关系？这本书里有没有什么内容你还没有读懂？只有涉及这些方方面面的内容，申请者读《国富论》这一事件才算有意义。

和笔者所举的这些句子类似的空话在很多学生的留学申请文书中俯拾皆是。造成这种现象的主要原因是申请者的思维不够活跃，思考问题的角度单一化，思考方式程式化，思想缺乏深度。其实，很多申请者自己意识到了这个问题，也想让所写的内容充实、丰富一些，但总觉得无话可说。解决方案其实很简单，请大家思考：空话的反义词是什么？对，是有实质内容的话。那么，什么是有实质内容的话呢？实际上就是按照空话表达的意思，添加例证和细节，把内容写细、写实、写精、写透。

案例分析

下面我们通过两个案例来具体谈谈在文书写作中该如何做到把事件写细、写透，从而避免千篇一律，空话连篇。

文书案例1

B同学想申请去密歇根大学的生物系读本科。该大学要求申请者就如下问题写一篇文章：“Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School （including preferred admission and dual degree programs） to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests？ （500 words maximum）”

该申请者对生物医学，尤其是对干细胞研究很感兴趣，而密歇根大学的生物学（包括干细胞研究和临床治疗）研究在该领域中是数一数二的。但是申请者提供的文书初稿写得并不理想，文章中有一大堆空话和套话。针对文书中存在的问题，我们和她进行了沟通和交流，提出了合理的写作建议，最后写出的文章令人满意。例文如下：

In 2007， an accident during practice left Chinese National team volleyball player Tang Miao paralyzed （瘫痪的） from the chest down. Before the tragic event， Tang was considered by many fans to be the tallest， most handsome， and best power opposite hitter （接应二传） on the volleyball court that China had ever produced. He was at that time married to Zhou Suhong， also a star volleyball player and an Olympic gold medalist. The couple was well known not just in China but worldwide in the volleyball community.

Five years have passed， and Tang is still in wheelchair. He and many other patients suffering from spinal cord （脊髓） injuries in China are waiting and hoping against hope that they will be accepted by American medical institutions currently in clinical trial stages using human neural stem cells （干细胞） to treat central nervous systems disorders including paralysis. There has been encouraging news that a small number of patients have restored some motor and sensory functions after such treatments.

评析：开头两段讲述了排球名将汤淼脊椎受伤瘫痪的不幸遭遇，从而引出了干细胞研究的重要性，为下文表达自己想学生物医学、想为汤淼做一些事做了铺垫。

I have been following Tangs news as well as news coming from Europe and the United States in regards to the latest developments in medical research and biotechnology in treating what have historically been untreatable diseases and disorders. By all accounts， the University of Michigan is a leader in three main types of stem cell research： embryonic （胚胎的）， adult， and reprogrammed cells known as iPS cells （诱导多能干细胞）. I learned that it is at the University of Michigan that scientists are discovering more accurate biomarkers （生物标志物） for prostate （前列腺的） cancer； testing artificial tissue， organs， and bone； and creating a “lung-on-a-chip” （芯片上的肺） that allows researchers to grow lung airway cells that act like they are in a human body instead of a Petri dish （皮氏培养皿）. That is why the U.S. News & World Report consistently ranks the University of Michigan Health System and its medical school among the very best in the United States—and why the National Institutes of Health consistently rewards University of Michigan researchers with grants to fund their investigations. Through my interaction with friends who have ties with Ann Arbor （密歇根大学所在城市） and through extensive online research， I have also gotten a good impression of the University of Michigan campus as a whole as well as the numerous state-of-the-art （尖端水平的） research facilities and resources that are easily available and accessible. My favorite Michigan alum and Nobel Laureate physicist， Professor Samuel C.C. Ting （丁肇中）， happens to be a Chinese-American. He is my hero and my inspiration. It would be an honor to be associated with this great institution.

评析：这一段是主体段，具体回答了文书要求中的“the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School”。通过汤淼的病情引出了密歇根大学在干细胞研究方面的优势，而且写得很细、很透：“embryonic， adult， and reprogrammed cells known as iPS cells”，这样就成功避免了写“贵校的专业排名全球第一”这样的空话。之后，申请者又写到密歇根大学在其他相关领域的最新成就，以及自己如何受朋友和偶像丁肇中教授的影响，可谓层次分明，逐次递进，环环相扣。文章既有客观事实，又表达了自己的感受和想法。给读者的印象是，这位申请者不仅有专业追求，而且对申请的大学做了极为详细的了解。申请者具体写出密歇根大学在哪些方面，尤其是在干细胞及其他生物医学方面有哪些成就是吸引学生的，又为下文申请者申请读密歇根大学生物医学专业的动机做了铺垫。

Mr. Tang does not know me， but I am sure he will be happy to know that I am not just a fan， but someone who is interested in stem cell research and in finding a solution to improve his quality of life and hopefully help him walk again.

评析：在上面一段具体列举密歇根大学的优势之后，这一段再次引出自己申请生物医学专业的动机，结尾处的help him walk again与第一段首尾呼应，完美收笔。

文书案例2

申请者F想到美国学数学专业。在他提供的申请文书中，有一段描写了他在学校办杂志的事情，但却没有把他对数字的敏感度体现出来，而且在该段中他写了一句：“To my surprise， our magazine received unparalleled welcome.”这句话中的unparalleled welcome既空洞又夸张。下文即该段的原文，笔者在表述有问题的地方加了下划线，并在括号里指出了问题所在。

In the second year of high school， with several classmates （多少同学？）， I established a magazine （是月刊还是季刊？读者对象是谁？） called the Fresh Breath. As the chief editor， my first job was to be the headhunter， which was an energy-consuming work that required a well-established interpersonal network and sound negotiating skills. I visited all the potential candidates （什么候选人？招人来做什么工作？） in their classrooms and persuaded them one by one by saying that doing a magazine was good for their extracurricular experiences. I also had to raise money for our project. We three founders took advantage of our interpersonal network to find the perfect sponsors. With enough money and signed advertisement contracts （筹到多少款？）， our first issue was on-the-go. To my surprise， our magazine received unparalleled welcome （怎么量化“前所未有的受欢迎”？）. Seeing that all the copies were sold out （卖掉多少份？） I realized all our efforts paid off.

经过与申请者沟通，我们提醒他：既然你想学数学，那就从数字角度切入——你为办杂志招来多少帮手，经费是怎样筹集的，筹了多少钱，第一期杂志印了多少份，等等。简而言之，申请者要把所要介绍的事件写细、写实、写精、写透。下面是申请者听了建议后修改的例文。

In my sophomore year of high school， with the help of three classmates， I created Fresh Breath， a quarterly magazine for circulation at the school. As the chief editor， my first mission was to conduct a school-wide search for people to serve as editors， column writers， guest writers， and typesetters （排字工人）. After much negotiation and persuasion， I had a talented team in place. Then， I assigned them to different positions according to their different abilities. Finally， I raised about 1，800 yuan （about $300） through private gifts and advertising fees； enough to get the project going. The first issue of Fresh Breath sold 120 copies among students， teachers， and parents： not bad for a green hand.

评析：文中画波浪线部分的单词即申请者加上的相关数字和具体细节。在沟通时，当申请者把与办杂志相关的数字一五一十地说出来时，他担心120份的销售量会不会让人觉得太少了。笔者告诉他，120份不算多，但比起unparalleled welcome这样的表达要好得多。