APP下载

图画类高分作文分析与训练

2013-04-10蒲长娥

新高考·高三英语 2013年3期
关键词:词数范文图画

蒲长娥

《2013年普通高等学校招生全国统一考试(江苏卷)说明》(下文统一简称为《考试说明》)英语科在书面表达部分给出了两个示例,一个是表格式,另一个是图画式。《考试说明》对看图作文作了这样的说明:

看图作文的“图”不局限于某一类型的图,如漫画、广告画,也包括其他图画、照片等情景材料。考生们可根据情景图示的寓意、内容或情节线索,传递信息和表达自己的思想。作文应覆盖提示的要点,但避免仅根据提示文字做简单翻译。

本文依据《考试说明》,以高考参考范文为语料,分析图画类高分作文的必备要素,并仿照高考图画类作文的命题形式,原创三篇作文训练材料,供模拟训练和提高。

一、 高考范文分析

先看《考试说明》中提供的作文示例2(2011年江苏卷作文),要求如下:

下面这幅照片展现了女儿为回家妈妈拿包的情景。请根据你对这幅照片的理解用英语写一篇短文。你的短文应包含以下内容:

1. 描述照片内容,如情景、人物、动作,等等;

2. 结合自身实际,谈谈你的感想;

3. 举例说明你能为家长减负做些什么。

注意:

1. 可参照图中文字及下面文章开头所给提示,作必要的发挥想象。

2. 词数150左右。开头已经写好,不计入总词数。

3. 作文中不得提及考生所在学校和本人姓名。

The burden of students has been a hot topic for years, but the load of parents has received little attention, especially from their own children.

下面是一篇第五档(21~25分)参考范文:

The burden of students has been a hot topic for years, but the load of parents has received little attention, especially from their own children.

The picture shows us a touching moment when a little girl comes to greet her working mom. Realizing her mom must be very tired after a days work, the girl helps to remove the bag from her shoulder. In response, the mom kneels down to show how happy and thankful she feels.

All this reminds me of my mother who has been doing whatever she could do to let me have the best. But, totally engaged in my study, I seldom pay attention to what mother needs and feels, and always think studying well is the only thing I could do in return. Now I know I can do my bit to help with the everyday washing, bedroom cleaning, and at least prepare breakfast myself, so as to share mothers daily burden. The picture convinces me it is even more important to be a good daughter than a “good” student.

本参考范文完成了试题规定的任务,且符合第五档作文的评分标准。具体分析可知,图画类高分作文必须具备三个要素。

1. 完成了试题规定的任务,覆盖所有要点。

本篇作文有三个任务。第一个任务是描述照片内容。第二段准确、精炼地概括了照片的人物(a little girl and her mum)、情景(a touching moment when a little girl comes to greet her working mom)、动作(remove the bag from her shoulder; kneels down to show how happy and thankful she feels),并指出了“女儿帮妈妈拿包为家长减负”的主题。

描述照片内容时要注意两个方面。首先是要注意提炼和概括,切忌浮于表面,或者写一些和主题无关内容。比如,第二档参考范文中的“We can see a girl and her mother”仅仅局限于表层描述;第三档参考范文中的“The child was so young”和主题无关。另外要做到点明图画主题或者寓意,不能停留在描述我们看到了什么。

第二个任务是结合自身实际谈感想。这体现在范文的第三段开头部分:“这让我想起了我的妈妈,她为了让我拥有最好的条件,一直以来竭尽所能,而我完全忙于学习,很少关心她的需要和感受,总认为只有学习好才能回报妈妈。”然后紧接着切入第三个任务,文章从作者自己的角度出发,通过从日常小事做起来分担妈妈的负担,具体涉及帮助妈妈刷锅洗碗、打扫卧室、自己做早餐等。

我们结合实际谈感受时要写出存在的不足,这样顺理成章地写出自己在日常生活中的做法,增强文章逻辑的连贯性。在写自身应该怎么做的时候要注意做法具体化、不空泛。例如,第二档参考范文中“I can do many things to help my parents”便是泛泛而谈。

2. 应用了较多语法结构和高级词汇。

这篇第五档参考范文中使用了三个定语从句,七个宾语从句,现在分词和过去分词做状语各有一处,动词不定式做状语、宾语、主语共七处。还使用了“remove,in response,engaged”等高级词汇,提升了文章的语言档次。值得一提的是,因为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致的些许错误,在第五档次作文中是可以接受的。

3. 有效地使用了语句间的连接成分,使全文结构紧凑。

最后一段中的 “but, and”很简洁自然地表达了语义的转折和并列关系,“now”是一个表示时序的副词,引出目前的具体做法,使得文脉水到渠成,文章结构紧凑。

以上三个要素切合高考第五档高分作文的评分标准,达到了预期的写作目的。

二、模拟训练与参考范文

【模拟一】

男女生应该文明交往,交往不当会导致早恋,影响学业。右面这幅漫画展现了控制男女生交往过密的情景。请根据你对这幅图片的理解,用英语写一篇短文。

你的短文应包含以下内容:

1. 描述图片内容,如情景、寓意等;

2. 结合身边实际,谈谈此规定的利弊;

3. 举例说明你自己平时如何做。

注意:

1. 可参照图中文字及下面文章开头所给提示,作必要的发挥想象。

2. 词数150左右。开头首段已写好,不计入总词数。

3. 作文中不得提及有关考生个人身份的任何信息,如校名和人名等。

4. 可能用到的生词:resist 抵制; maintain 保持; gender 性别;puppy love 早恋

An increasing number of students fall in love at an early age and create problems with their studies, which has aroused the schools attention.

One possible version:

An increasing number of students fall in love at an early age and create problems with their studies, which has aroused the schools attention. What is vividly shown in the cartoon is that a school has set a distance for civilized communication between boy and girl students with the purpose of preventing students falling in love at an early age. Boys and girls are forced to maintain a distance of at least 50 centimeters when they communicate in public.

In our daily school life some students cant resist the opposite genders attraction,which disturbs themselves. With such a school rule carried out, they may control themselves and realize the harm of abnormal communication. Meanwhile, however, its not good for their emotional development and normal relationship.

Personally, I hold a right attitude towards communication with different genders. Ill get on well with my classmates no matter whether they are boys or girls, but keeping a certain personal distance is extremely necessary. Its of great importance for me to bury myself in my school work before I regret only because of my puppy love.

【模拟二】

一年一度的学雷锋月即将到来,右面这幅漫画展现了学雷锋活动得不到落实的情景。请根据你对这幅漫画的理解用英语写一篇短文。

你的短文应包含以下内容:

1. 描述漫画内容,如情景、人物、动作,等等;

2. 结合自身实际,谈谈你的感想;

3. 举例说明在学雷锋活动中你应该做些什么。

注意:

1. 词数150左右。开头已经写好,不计入总词数。

2. 作文中不得提及考生所在学校和本人姓名。

The annual day of learning from Comrade Lei Feng is around the corner. However, not all the people are willing to carry it out.

One possible version:

The annual day of learning from Comrade Lei Feng is around the corner. However, not all the people are willing to carry it out. As is vividly shown in the cartoon, a lady with a baby in her arm has to stand on a bus, with two men passengers remaining in their seats, neither of whom is willing to offer a seat to her. What shames us most is that one of them is reading the stories of Lei Feng.

All this reminds me of what I do in my daily life. While Im called on to learn from Lei Feng every March, sometimes I dont concern about those who need help. As a matter of fact, Lei Feng Spirit should be put into practice in the daily routine.

Personally, I can do my bit to practise Lei Feng Spirit by means of helping my classmates with English and participating in some volunteer activities, or at least cheering up the depressed with inspiring words. The cartoon warns me against learning from Lei Feng in word. Lets take action!

【模拟三】

下面这幅图片展现了赠人玫瑰的情景。请根据你对这幅图片的理解,用英语写一篇短文。你的短文应包含以下内容:

1. 描述图片内容,如情景、寓意等;

2. 结合自身体会,谈谈帮助的原因和好处;

3. 举例说明你自己平时如何帮助别人。

注意:

1. 可参照图中文字及下面文章开头所给提示,作必要的发挥想象。

2. 词数150左右。开头已经写好,不计入总词数。

3. 作文中不得提及有关考生个人身份的任何信息,如校名和人名等。

Whether to help others is an issue concerning everyone. Some people hold the view that helping others will cause trouble to us unexpectedly,

One possible version:

Whether to help others is an issue concerning everyone. Some people hold the view that helping others will cause trouble to us unexpectedly, while others think it a traditional virtue to aid others.

As is illustrated in the picture, roses given, fragrance in hand, which means helping others is beneficial both to others and to ourselves. Its a pity that people are becoming more and more indifferent to each other. We should help others because everyone needs help no matter what he does. If we lend a helping hand to others, we will be offered help when we have difficulty. Whats more, we will feel happy because of our kindness. Thats to say, helping others is helping us and we can take pleasure in offering help, which contributes to building a harmonious society.

Therefore, dont hesitate to help others. How can we help others?Personally, Im supposed to be concerned about those whore in trouble. I can work as a volunteer, a donator or even as a good listener. Sometimes my encouraging words could make a difference.

图画传递信息丰富,表达主题凝练,也给我们增加了审题和写作的难度。我们在审题时把图画和文字要求结合起来,不可偏废任何一个,这样才能寻找到主题的线索,把握要点。

《考试说明》中提供的两种作文示例暗示我们,高考英语作文的题型有表格式和图画式。2012年高考江苏卷选用了表格式,如果根据高考试卷“稳中有变”的思想,我们可不可以做出这样的猜想:2013年选用图画类作文的可能性更大一些。

猜你喜欢

词数范文图画
快速阅读两篇
春色几许(简谱)
图画捉迷藏
图画捉迷藏
图画捉迷藏
图画捉迷藏
高考模拟题精选之书面表达题参考范文
阅读训练一
阅读训练二
学滑板的启示