王依依

How many ways are there to say“No”without offending anyones feeling？ Well， there is“No， I cant”，“No， I dont have time”and“No， I dont want to”. But the problem is that many of us try to avoid situations that require us to say“No”to people. In almost every culture this little word is associated with rejection， failure， egoism and a lack of tact and empathy towards others.

I cannot recall how many times I have eaten burnt， under cooked， bland and poorly tasting dishes simply because I did not want to hurt the feelings of the person who had cooked them. Or the times when I bought something， I did not need， because I felt guilty leaving a shop empty-handed after spending 20 minutes of the shop assistants time.

How do you say“No”without offending anyone or feeling guilty afterwards？ There is a great lesson to be learned from such approach to communication.

If just like me， you sometimes find it difficult to be direct about saying“No”，you can still be assertive and express you disagreement in a more subtle， yet equally powerful way. The great thing about this method is that it gets your point across without making you look bad， unprofessional， insensitive or uncaring.

Here are 7 Sneaky Ways to Say“No”without OffendingAnyone

1.“This sounds interesting， but I have too much on my plate at the moment.”

When you start your disagreement with a compliment：“This sounds interesting”，it makes the person less defensive and gives you a valid reason to decline“I have too much on my plate at the moment”.

2.“Im sorry but last time I did ___， I had a negative experience.”

This is a life- saver for me every time I have to explain to people that I do not eat meat. Before I would say that I was a vegetarian， but for some reason this explanation has never worked on hospitable Italian grandmothers. They would try to feed me bacon， sausage and octopuses（yuck！）explaining it with“this is not meat”or“I just put a little in this dish”.

Now I simply say，“Im sorry， but I cannot eat meat. Last time I did， I had a terrible headache.”And it works like a charm， because no one wants to hurt you on purpose.

The focus here is not on what you want or do not want to do， but on your previous bad experience.

3.“Id love to do this， but ____”

This is a great way of saying that you like the idea， you are willing to help， but you just cannot do it at the moment.

Note： Just do not go into a lengthy justification of why you cannot do it.

First， it is not necessary. Time is a limited resource and when you say“yes”to one task， you have to say“no”to other opportunities that might be more important， urgent and beneficial to you at the moment. Second， offering a lengthy explanation makes you sound guilty and unsure， so people might push further to see if you will agree.

4.“Im not the best person to help on this. Why dont you try X？”

If you feel that you cannot contribute much to the task， have no time or lack the re-sources， do not beat around the bush！ Let the person know it up front. This， however， does not mean that you cannot be helpful. You can still refer the person to a lead they can follow up on.

5.“I cant do this， but I can do ____（less commitment）. ”

This is another variation of the previous method. You are saying“No”to a request， but you are still offering your help on your own terms， choosing the easier， less time-consuming commitment.

6.“You look great， but ___ does not do you justice.”

This is a great way to diplomatically express your opinion when someone asks you a question about their appearance， without hurting the other persons feelings（especially if the person asking you is your friend， your superior or your spouse）.

7.“That sounds great， but I just cant put one more thing on my calendar for the next few weeks. Let me call you ___（specific time range）. ”

Sometimes you might get a proposal， an idea or a request that sounds interesting. But considering the amount of tasks on your to-do list， you do not feel like taking another commitment just yet.

In this case， instead of saying a straight out“No”，you are giving yourself time to reflect before making a final decision：“Let me call you ___（specific time range）.”

However， if you are not interested， do not leave the person hanging on. Use other ways to say“No”that are more definitive（e.g. methods #1，#2 or #3）.It is more disappointing when the person is counting on you and you let them down.

有多少種方法在拒绝时不得罪人呢“不行，我没法做。”“不行，我没空。”“不行我不想做。”但是问题在于，我们很多人都想避免对别人说“不”。几乎在每种文化中“不”这个字都和拒绝、失败、利己主义、应变能力不足、缺少同情心联系起来。

我记不起来有多少次，我因为不想伤害做饭的人的感情而吃掉糊了的、夹生的、平淡无味的或味道很差的食物。我也记不起来有多少次我买了不需要的东西，只是因为我觉得花了导购员20分钟的时间两手空空离开会有一种负罪感。

怎样说“不”而不冒犯他人或之后自己没有负罪感？我们可以好好学习一下这种沟通的方法。

如果你和我一样，有时你会发现很难直接说“不”，但是你依然可以自信地用更加微妙、同样有效的方式表达异议。这种方法的精妙之处在于，既能表达你的意思，又不会让人觉得你很差劲、不够职业、不够敏感或漠不关心。

下面是7种拒绝而不伤害他人的委婉方法：

1.“听起来很有趣，但是我现在有太多的事情要做。”

如果你在表达异议时用赞美开头：“听起来很有趣”，会让人的心理防御降低，这时你可以用正当理由来拒绝，如“我现在有太多的事情要做。”

2.“不好意思，上次我这样做时，我很难受。”

当我每次需要向他人解释我不吃肉时，这句话是我的救命稻草。在此之前，我通常說我是素食主义者，但是不知什么原因，这种解释对好客的意大利奶奶们一点儿用也没有。她们总是让我吃培根、香肠和章鱼（真难吃！），并向我解释“这不是肉”或“只放了一点点儿。”

现在我只是说，“不好意思，我不能吃肉。上次我吃肉时，我头疼得很厉害。”这非常管用，因为没人想故意伤害你。

这里要注意的是，关键不在于你想要什么或不想做什么，关键在于上次你这样做很难受。

3.“我想这么做，但是____”

这是一种很好的方式，说你喜欢这样做，你想去帮忙，但是你现在没法做。

注意：不要进一步说明你为什么不能做。

首先，没有必要。每个人的时间都是有限的，当你对一项任务说“是”的时候，你就不得不对另外的一些机遇说“不”，尽管那些机遇现在对你来说可能是更加重要、紧急或有益的。另外，进一步解释会让你有种负罪感和不确定感，人们会进一步劝说你看你是否会同意。

4.“我不是这项任务的最佳人选。要不你们看看X行不行？”

如果你觉得你不能在任务中投入太多精力，没有那么多时间或缺少资源，那就不要拐弯抹角！让别人知道。这样，别人就不会觉得你没有帮忙。你可以推荐他人供他们参考。

5.“我不能这样做，但是我可以___（做出较少的承诺）。”

这是前面那种方法的变种。你虽然是对别人的请求说“不”，但是你仍然提供帮助，选择相对简单、需要较少时间的方式。

6.“你看上去很棒，但是___不是很适合你。”

当别人问你外貌方面的问题时，这是一个既能表达出你的想法却又不伤害别人情感的好方法（尤其当那个人是你的朋友、上级或配偶时）。

7.“听起来很不错，但是接下来的几周我的行程已经排得满满的了。等我在___时（具体的时间范围内）打电话通知你。”

有时你可能会得到一个有趣的提议、想法或请求。但考虑到你任务清单上的内容你可能不想做出其他承诺。

在这种情况下，与其直接说“不”，不如争取时间想想再做决定：“等我在___时（具体的时间范围内）打电话通知你。”

然而，要是你不感兴趣的话，就不要让别人等待。使用另外几种明确说“不”的方式（如方法#1、#2或#3）。如果别人指望你而你让他们扫兴的话，那样会更令人失望的。