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守得诗心报春晖

2020-06-20梁晓洵指导老师袁丹纯

疯狂英语·新悦读 2020年5期
关键词:朗朗上口母爱名师

梁晓洵 指导老师:袁丹纯

戴 希 指导老师:袁丹纯

Amanda 指导老师:袁丹纯

Tenning 指导老师:袁丹纯

王 优 指导老师:袁丹纯

诗,可以明理,可以言志,可以抒情,可以育人。 广东省中山市龙山中学高三18 班的同学们读诗、赏诗、写诗,蔚然成风。 母亲,这个世界上最美丽的人,也是孩子们笔下最美丽的主角。一年一度的母亲节,正是感恩的好时节。今天,让我们以诗抒情,歌颂母爱,一起阅读孩子们写给母亲们的颂歌,也祝愿天下的母亲节日快乐,天下的儿女幸福平安,同时祝愿18 班的孩子们:学海无涯诗作伴,寸草春晖报母亲。

Wind

梁晓洵 指导老师:袁丹纯

I am bathed in the sunlight

Feeling the softest winds on my face

I know

It is your loving kiss.

I stretch my body on the grass

Feeling the wind through my chest

I know

It is your warm hug.

The wind

So soft, so warm

So sweet, so lovely

I love it

As I love you.

Yes,

The wind is YOU.

名师点评:

作者以“风”作为意象,穿针引线,贯穿全诗。 风带给“我”的感受是温柔暖和,一如母亲一般。 诗歌前两节结构整齐,主语一致,勾勒出的意境简明、清晰,短短几句,将母爱表达得淋漓尽致。 最后,作者以“我爱风正如我爱母亲”,呼应了前两节母亲对“我”的爱,巧妙表达了父母与子女之间的爱是流动互通的。

Mom

戴 希 指导老师:袁丹纯

Mom is the river

I am a boat

The boat flows free into the river.

Mom is the sea

I am a fish

The fish swims free in the sea.

Mom is the grassland

I am a horse

The horse runs free on the grassland.

Mom has given all I need

I can repay you nothing but my purest love.

名师点评:

本诗中, 作者采用了六个意象:母亲是河,是大海,是草原;而“我”是船,是鱼,是马。 有了母亲的无私包容和接纳,“我” 可以自由地表达自己,做自己。 最后一节中, 作者用“repay you nothing but my purest love”来表达自己对母亲的感恩之情。 本首诗歌结构整齐,采用了排比的方式,读起来朗朗上口,富有感染力。

I've hugged mom's love

Amanda 指导老师:袁丹纯

I've hugged the love of my mom

And she gives it all to me

To cope with the hard work

When I lose my way to success.

I've changed the love into sunlight

And put it into a place away from darkness

Where my mind get fed.

I'll send mom to the rainbow

When I am strong enough

To let her know that she is

As beautiful as the rainbow in the sky.

When I have my own wings

I should fly afar with this love.

名师点评:

本诗作者模仿了诗歌I've Saved the Summer的结构,hug mom's love是作者故意制造的不和谐搭配,凸显了母爱的有形性,即母爱可以接受“我”的拥抱。 母爱无私,支撑“我”渡过难关,滋养“我”的灵魂。 在后两节中作者表达“要带母亲到彩虹之巅”这个愿望,表达自己对母亲的感恩之情,令人感动!

The sun

Tenning 指导老师:袁丹纯

I am the boy on the land

You are the sun in the sky.

I pace on the land

Confused and helpless

You cycle in the sky

Warm and smooth.

I follow the light in the sky

You burn yourself to give out light.

A confused boy,

The selfless sun,

Oh my mom, just like the sun,

Lightens up my journey but never falls down.

名师点评:

作者用太阳比喻母爱的光辉,而自己是太阳底下一个懵懂的孩童,形象生动,栩栩如生。 整首诗意象集中,作者用第一、二人称,拉近与读者的关系。 诗歌重点勾勒母亲给予孩子的无私引领和指导, 如不落的太阳永远给予,永远照耀。 全文用词简单,句子简短,感情炽热,是一首值得我们学习的小诗。

Mom

王 优 指导老师:袁丹纯

When I was born, I cried

When I was a child, I asked “Why”

When I was a teenager, she and I had a fight

When I become an adult, I will explore my own life

Then, she had happy tears in her eyes

Then, she looked for answers for my “Whys”

Then, she hugged me tightly after the terrible quarrel

Then,she will help the young man

fly with the new-born wings

She is my MOM

And this boy is forever her child

名师点评:

本诗韵律美,结构美,内容美。前两节基本押韵,cried/why, fight/life, eyes/whys,读起来朗朗上口。前两节如同金字塔结构,带来视觉上的美感。第一节的内容都是关于“我”,而第二节的内容都是母亲对“我”爱的表达。 最后一节, 简单明了, 作者用 “forever her child”表达了对母亲的感激之情。

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