何伟华

首先看一篇作文題目：

假如你是李华，你的加拿大网友Mike圣诞节期间打算来中国，他对中国景点非常感兴趣，希望你能为他推荐一些名胜古迹。请你用英语给他发一封电子邮件，向他推荐一个或两个你所喜欢的名胜古迹。要点包括：

1. 简介你推荐的名胜古迹并叙述你推荐的理由；

2. 表达你的祝愿。

[审题]

作文采用三段式，即第一段引出话题，第二段紧扣要点描述名胜古迹，第三段表达期望和祝愿。

审完题后，我们可以先把关键点在草稿纸上列出来。如：

第一段come to China during the Christmas， be interested in places of interest in China；

第二段可以写最熟悉、最有话可说的景点，一个或两个都可以，如Great wall， the Forbidden City， royal palace等；

第三段表达祝愿，如wish you a good journey等。

[升级文章]

打好草稿后，再根据具体情况升级词汇和句型。那么，怎么样一步一步地提升自己的文章呢？

1. 罗列词汇、短语、句型

短语和词汇：find Wales included，without conflict，break away，to sbs credit，for convenience，be known as，It is a pity that ...， historical architecture，keep ones eyes open，make ones trip to，be worried about，make a list of，remain standing，on special occasions，be displayed in。

句型：It is pity that ...

You must keep your eyes open ...

There followed ...

What interested her most ...

2. 优化文章用词

Im glad to know that ...

→Im delighted to know that ...

Here are some interesting places.

→Here are some splendid places.

The Great Wall is really worth visiting.

→The Great Wall has attracted a lot of tourists all over the world.

Ive heard that you plan to come to China ...

→Ive heard that you arrange to come to China ...

It has many different parts so ...

→It consists of many parts so ...

When people mention China， they will think of Beijing.

→When people refer to China， they ...

3. 优化文章短语

Hope you can enjoy yourself.

→Hope you can have an enjoyable trip.

It made a great effort to protect our country.

→It played an important role in protecting ...

Id like to introduce some places of interest that you cant miss.

→Id like to introduce some places of interest tha t you cant leave out.

You will be amazed at how immense it is and how wise the ancient Chinese people were to finish it.

→To their credit， the ancient Chinese accomplished such a splendid building.

4. 优化文章句型

In fact， I like Palace Museum best.

→In fact， what thrills me most is Palace Museum.

Id like to recommend some places of interest in China.

→Excited about your coming to China， I have make a list of the sites that may attract you.

Besides， you are supposed to visit the Palace Museum， which used to be the place where ancient rulers lived.endprint

→Besides， there stands a splendid palace called the Palace Museum in the center of Beijing， which is as large as some little cities abroad.

The Great Wall is a wonder all over the world， which is worth a visit.

→Considered as the greatest wall in the world， the Great Wall is such a splendid place that you are strongly recommended to visit.

The Palace Museum owns thousands of precious treasures ...

→The Palace Museum， remaining standing for several hundred years， owns thousands of precious treasures ...

[示例及評析]

请大家比较以下两篇作文：

Passage 1

Dear Mike，

Hearing that youre going to spend your Christmas in China， Im writing to give you some advice on the places of interest.

As an old and cultural country， China has varieties of landscapes and splendid sceneries to offer. First of all， I recommend that you should pay a visit to the Great Wall. Dating back to about a thousand years ago， the architecture has seen the history of China. Besides， you are not supposed to miss the extraordinary Tiananmen Square which attracts tourists from all over the world. Moreover， I sincerely suggest that you should go sightseeing at the Palace Museum， where you can feast your eyes on various precious collections.

Wish you a pleasant and enjoyable journey！

点评 审题十分到位，涵盖了所有要点，主体段落分别介绍了长城，天安门广场和故宫。行文流畅，无大的语法错误，长短句结合，非谓语动词使用到位，还很贴切地使用了许多高级词汇、短语，如varieties of， landscapes， recommend， date back to， be supposed to， extraordinary， feast eyes on等。

Passage 2

Dear Mike，

Hearing that youre going to spend your Christmas in China， Im writing to recommend some places of interest. And I advise you to make a list of the sites so that you wont leave anything out.

Firstly， as one of the oldest historical architecture， the Great Wall is a good choice for you. Known for its length and history， it wont make you disappointed. Besides， for convenience， I hope you can pay a visit to the Palace Museum， which is also in Beijing. Not only for its splendid buildings but also for its spirit of culture， youd better keep your eyes open if you want to make your trip there enjoyable and worthwhile. In the museum， there display many precious collections. Im sure youll be delighted to visit there.

Wish you a pleasant trip！

点评 Passage 2在passage 1的基础上作了一些改写，涵盖信息全面，且行文一样流畅，各种高级表达使用得很恰当。

第二段（主体段）开门见山，景点减少了一个，但介绍得更为翔实，有意识地使用了更多的短语和句式。

比较以上两篇作文，是不是感觉第二篇更吸睛？endprint