文/梅甘·布鲁诺 译/郑淑明 周鸿雁

By Megan Bruneau

幸福是棵正儿八经的摇钱树。世界各地的人们花费数千亿美元来躲避难关、寻求快乐，要么服用处方药、疯狂节食和健身，要么求助久经考验的长生不老药——酒精。

[2]作为心理治疗师，我帮助人们提升整体幸福的层次。我几乎听说过所有关于幸福的神话。而最糟糕的是，这些神话其实会让你不幸福（乱了，是吗？）——所以，摆脱这些神话，反而是寻找幸福的一部分。

实现了（你追求的目标），你就会幸福

[3]无论是职务晋升、寻得伴侣、购得跑车、体重达标，还是拥有公寓——实现了，你就会感受到无限的幸福。嘿，相信这种神话并不是你的错，因为你一出生就被灌输了这种美国梦。

Happiness is a serious moneymaker.People around the world spend hundreds of billions of dollars trying to avoid the tough stuff and feel good about themselves, whether that’s through prescription1prescription处方药。pills, going crazy with dieting and fitness, or that timetested elixir2elixir长生不老药；灵丹妙药。of life: alcohol.

[2] As a psychotherapist3psychotherapist心理治疗师。who helps people bump their overall happiness level up4bump up 抬高，增大，提升。a few notches5notch 等级，水平。, I’ve heard pretty much6pretty much〈口〉几乎，差不多。all of the myths out there about happiness.The worst part is that these myths actually make you unhappy (messed up, right?)—so ditching them is,paradoxically, part of fi nding happiness.

When you achieve [whatever goal you’re going after], you’ll be happy

[3] Land the promotion, the spouse,the Lambo7Lamborghini的缩写，跑车品牌兰博基尼。, the goal weight, the condo8condo公寓。,whatever it is—you’ll fi nally experience eternal happiness. Hey, it’s not your fault for believing this, since you’ve likely been fed the American dream since the moment you escaped from the womb.

[4] But this logic is flawed. Achievements don’t protect you from feeling like crap9crap废物。, and they def i nitely don’t make you superhuman. Multimillionaires still get depressed. People with “perfect”bodies still get dumped. Steady, passive income10即不需要花费时间和精力就可以自动获得的收入。doesn’t protect you from losing someone to cancer. If you can start appreciating where you are, rather than basing your sense of fulfillment on some future accomplishment, you’ll be much closer to happiness.

[4]但它的逻辑漏洞百出。即使取得各种成就，也并不会让你感觉良好，更绝对不会让你变成超人。百万富翁也会有心情抑郁的时候。拥有“完美”身材的人也会失恋。稳定、被动的收入不会保证你身边的人不因癌症去世。如果你能开始欣赏目前的处境，而不是依赖还未实现的某项成就带来的满足感，你就会离幸福更近。

遇到了对的人，你就会幸福

[5]如果你认为只有谈恋爱才能幸福，那你会在单身时感到空虚，还很可能感到焦虑。毫无疑问，一段良好的恋爱关系能在很多方面让你的人生更棒，但这并不是必要条件。事实上，相比起单身，很多人在恋爱中感到更加孤独、更加与世隔绝。

[6]当你感到不幸福，你会很自然地怪罪于情感状态，但是，请不要这样做，而要想其他办法满足你的需要，而不是等待你的“灵魂伴侣”突然出现在你面前，毕竟你的人生不是约翰·库萨克的电影。要知道，方法就在你的掌控中。

When you fi nd the right person, you’ll be happy

[5] If you think being in a relationship11in a relationship与某人在一段关系中，即恋爱。is necessary for happiness, you’re going to feel inadequate12inadequate不够的；能力不足的。and probably anxious when you’re single. There’s no doubt a strong relationship can make your life better in a lot of ways, but it’s certainly not a requirement. In fact, many people feel lonelier and more disconnected in a relationship than outside of one.

[6] When you’re unhappy, it’s natural to blame your relationship status, but try not to—instead of waiting for your“soulmate” to bump into you like your life is a John Cusack13约翰·库萨克，美国演员、编剧、制片人。movie, see if there are other ways to meet your needs. You know, ways that are in your control.

拥有伴侣就是让自己幸福

[7]恋爱乐趣更多！这就是神话，主要是因为以下三点：第一，只有在总有蝴蝶和彩虹的梦幻世界里，你的伴侣才可能永远让你幸福。事实上，伴侣有时会把你烦得半死；有时候你会非常厌烦他们；有时候你又会感觉自己受到了冷落。

[8]第二，爱情无法战胜一切。抱歉，这可能毁了你约翰·库萨克电影般的幻想（又一次）。无论你多么爱对方，爱情往往解决不了每一次冲突：决定要孩子，异地生活而无迁居计划，或者不相信一夫一妻制。这个清单根本列不完。

[9]最后，如上所述：无论是否恋爱，你都应该找到让自己幸福的方式。

The only thing that matters in a partner is that he or she makes you happy

[7] More relationship fun! This one is just mythical, for three main reasons: first, because only in a world of constant butterflies and rainbows is a partner going to make you soooo happy all the time. In reality, sometimes they’re going to annoy the shit out of you. Sometimes you’re going to feel super turned off by them. Sometimes you’re going to feel underappreciated14underappreciated不受重视的，失宠的。.

[8] Second, love doesn’t conquer all.Sorry to ruin that John Cusack movie for you (again). No matter how much you love someone, it usually doesn’t resolve a conf l ict over deciding to have kids, or living on different sides of the world with no plans to move, or not believing in monogamy15monogamy一夫一妻制；单配偶。. The list is limitless.

[9] Finally, see above: you should find ways to be happy regardless of your relationship.

Being happy means you’ll never feel like crap

[10] It’s no coincidence that a lot of these myths are cliches16cliche陈腔滥调。from fairytales,and nowhere is that more evident than humankind’s steadfast belief in happy endings. No! Not that kind!

[11] The “happily ever after” stuff just isn’t real. To be human is to feel,and it’s a guarantee that you’ll feel disappointment, loss, anger, guilt,sadness, fear, conflict, embarrassment,frustration, and so on and so on. These feelings are universal; happiness is about being able to make space for ALL these shitty emotions, not just the positive ones. They’re not a sign of brokenness or pathology. They mean you’re not a robot or a psychopath17psychopath精神病患者，精神变态者。.

感觉幸福意味着永远不会心情糟糕

[10]许多这样的神话都是来自童话故事的陈腔滥调，这绝不是巧合——没有什么比人们对美好结局的向往更坚定。不！可不是那么回事！

[11]“幸福永存”之类的话根本就是假的。人生在世就是要体验。你肯定会体验到失望、失落、愤怒、愧疚、悲伤、恐惧、矛盾、尴尬、挫折，等等。这些情绪人皆有之；幸福是能够包容所有这些糟糕情绪，而不仅仅是那些积极的情绪。这些情感不是衰弱或者病态的象征，而是意味着你不是机器人或者精神病人。

真正的幸福不需要他人或成就来证明

[12]达成目标未必能带来幸福，但这并不意味着完全与世界隔离才能心满意足。人们需要相互联系，如果你碰巧期待成家或者确实以获得工作晋升为乐，并不表明你不幸福。不要把这与恋爱混为一谈，不过它会让你更有人情味，无论是通过柏拉图式的友谊、志愿者活动、集邮者二手市集、西洋双陆棋俱乐部，或者你喜欢的任何方式。

True happiness doesn’t need any validation from external people or achievements

[12] Just because achieving your goals won’t bring you happiness doesn’t mean that a total detachment18detachment分离，脱离。from the world is a sign of true contentedness.Humans need connection, and it’s not a sign of unhappiness if you happen to want a family or really take pleasure in getting a promotion at work.Don’t confuse this with a romantic connection, though—the essential thing here is that connection makes you more human, whether that’s through platonic friendships, volunteering, stamp collector swap meets19swap meet二手货交换市场，旧货出售会。, a backgammon20西洋双陆棋，一种掷骰子决定棋子行进的两人游戏。club, or whatever you enjoy.

幸福只是一种心态

[13]没什么比“选择幸福”或者“幸福就在你的脑中”这样的“鸡汤文”更让我生气了。你知道这样的话会让心情沮丧或者焦虑的人怎么想吗？简直是一派胡言。

[14]你的观点的确会对情绪产生重要的影响，但是荷尔蒙、神经递质、睡眠、锻炼、饮食、药物、失恋、死亡、压力、过渡、那部让你聊个不停的约翰·库萨克电影，都可能引起你情绪的变化——明白了吧。

[15]你根本无法“选择”幸福。当你感到焦虑或低落的时候，不要告诉自己幸福就在你脑中，而要学会自我同情，和那些不因你情绪低落而评判你的人做朋友，同时考虑除“你的态度”之外其他所有可能影响你情绪的原因。

Happiness is merely a state of mind

[13] There are few things that get me more riled up than “inspirational” quotes like “Choose happiness” or “It’s all in your head.” You know how that makes a person with depression or anxiety feel?REALLY FUCKING SHITTY.

[14] Of course your outlook has a significant impact on mood, but so do hormones21hormone激素，荷尔蒙。, neurotransmitters22neurotransmitter神经传递素。, sleep,exercise, diet, drugs, breakups, death,stress, transition, that John Cusack movie you can’t stop talking about—you get the idea.

[15] You can’t just “choose” happiness.Rather than telling yourself it’s all in your head when you’re feeling anxious or low, practice self-compassion, hang around23hang around 闲逛，徘徊。with people who won’t judge you if you’re not a ball of positivity, and consider all the other reasons besides“your attitude” that might be contributing to your mood.

Gratitude will make you happier

[16] Have you ever felt really crappy,and some well-meaning person attempts to cheer you up by saying, “Be grateful for what you have!” Or, “Those are first-world problems!” Well, problems are still problems, and telling yourself you should feel differently is a recipe for adding shame on top of everything else. So now you’re not only feeling sad, anxious, or lonely—you’re ashamed, too.

[17] There’s no doubt that practicing gratitude can make you happier,especially when you’re doing it after waking up on the right side of the bed. But when you’re feeling low or anxious or heartbroken, there’s an art to it. Don’t beat yourself up because there are millions of people around the world whose lives are worse than yours.Otherwise, it could make you feel even worse.

[18] So, the next time you find yourself seeking happiness, doublecheck to make sure you’re not looking in all these wrong places. ■

感恩会让你更幸福

[16]在你心情十分糟糕的时候，是否有好心人试图鼓励你说：“要感激现在拥有的一切！”或者“那是些无足轻重的第一世界问题！”但是，问题还是问题。最有可能的是，告诉自己应该与众不同，而这一秘诀就是首先让自己感到羞愧。所以，现在你不仅仅感到悲伤、焦虑或孤独——你还感到羞愧。

[17]毫无疑问，学会感恩会让你更加幸福——尤其是当你心怀感恩地在爱人身边醒来时。但是，你感到低落、焦虑或者心碎时，也有招对付。不要被这种情绪击倒，因为世界上还有数百万人过的比你惨。否则，这会让你感觉更糟。

[18]所以，下次发现自己在寻找幸福的时候，要反复确认——是否在这些方面出了问题。 □