多棱镜

DISDNEY'S ILEMMA

It's been a rocky but u ltimately successfu l path toward the opening of the Chinese mainland's f rst D isneyland. The Shanghai theme park f rst ran into issues with their trial run， when visitors dum ped litter all over the grounds and it was time for another round of media hysterics about badly-behaved Chinese tourists. That was a m inor kerfuffe com pared to the media hell-storm that was un leashed when China's richest man， Wang Jianlin， more-or-less declared war on Disney by saying that the theme parks he is opening around China will be much better and that China has no need for American cultural products like Disney. D isney's baff ement showed through in their media response， which pointed out that Disney had worked p retty closely with Wang's com pany， Wanda， which screens Disney movies at its theaters around China. To make matters more com plicated， within days， reports of Disney costumed characters gallivanting around Wang's parks had emerged，apparently the result of licensing agreements from private operators w ithin the parks. In m id-June， the park， having cleared those hurdles， fnally opened. In news that surprised absolutely nobody， massive quantities of litter again came w ith it. - DAVID DAWSON

100,000 KINDS OF SUSPIC ION

Congratulations！ You have won 100，000 RMB！ （roughly 15，000 USD）. Sound suspicious？ A woman， cited in the Global Times as “surnamed Cheng” was certainly more than a tad suspicious when she was informed of her prize. She entered a slogan competition with an online videostream ing service， and when company representatives contacted her to tell her of her good fortune， she told them to go away. Again， they persisted. Again， she told them to rack off and stop bothering her. When they continued to try to tell her of her prize， she consulted with her fam ily， who told her that because she had no college education there was no way her slogan could possibly have won the contest and that she was right to be suspicious of these no-good con artists. Finally， she agreed to meet them at the local police offce so these fraudsters could be caught， once and for all. Instead， the “fraudsters” managed to persuade the most uncooperative w inner ever to take the damn cash. - D.D.

MONKEY BUSINESS

Once upon a time in Xianfeng Village， Sichuan Provinc the local community of around 300 people cried out for econom ic rejuvenation. “I know what will save us！” cried local village secretary He Youliang （not his exact words）. “Monkeys！” He had had an epiphany. There were monke in them thar hills， and if there's one thing tourists love， it's monkeys. So He lured the monkeys down to the village with snacks. To everyone's surprise， the plan worked. The monkeys stayed， and the tourists came. But there was a dark side to this rapidly grow ing monkey empire. You see，monkeys cannot be tamed by any mortal man （except

maybe qualifed animal trainers， but there weren't any the anyway）. The monkeys bred and bred， which is more or less what monkeys do when given a constant food supply and lots of free time. Anyway， instead of living happily ev after， state media reported that now the village is infested with feral monkeys that steal food from villagers， and the local government has had to step in. - D.D.

AIR RAGE RAGES ON

Sometimes you gotta sympathize with the authorities. Despite rolling out blacklists for m isbehaving passengers that lim it them from fying and stern warnings for wayward tourists who embarrass the nation， f ight passengers seem to absolutely insist on making things diffcult. The most recent incidents include a nasty beating of a f ight check-in worker in Shenzhen， who was beaten until she lay on the ground with a pool of blood around her head. Apparently the thug who beat her was bothered because she couldn't print out an itinerary， and she couldn't do that because he didn't have his ID w ith him. The grand-facepalm prize for travelers， however， goes to two guys on a f ight from Datong to Chongqing， who demanded to be upgraded to business class before the f ight had even taken off. As it was taxiing across the runway， they got angry and fought w ith a f ight attendant and fellow passenger before attempting to charge the cockpit. Eventually they were removed in handcuffs. - D.D.

BANK'S PLANK-SPANK TANKS

Okay， so your f rst thought when you hear the phrase “spank bank” is probably f lthy， but get your m ind out of t gutter. Sometimes banks actually spank， as evidenced by a Rural Commercial Bank branch in Changzhi， Shanxi Province. Eight bank emp loyees at a company event were summoned onstage where their manager proceeded to，well， spank them w ith a wooden plank. The dastardly crime that warranted corporal punishment？ Apparently it was “not excelling”. The video then wound up on the Facebook page of the People's Daily， because apparently a spanking warrants coverage in the social media feed of the nation's prem ier political publication， and social media feeds are weird that way. No prizes for guessing what the public response was： an online mob is already calling for that schmuck manager's resignation. But maybe just a spanking would do. - D.D.