谷约

中美在文化上存在着诸多差异，这些差异导致两国人民在交流和沟通时出现了一些理解障碍。这一点也同样存在于留学文书的写作中。很多申请者在文书里写了一些极具中国特色的内容，却没有在文中加入必要的背景介绍和文化注解，想当然地以为读者（美国大学招生官）可以完全读懂。但在很多情况下，对方并不了解你想表达的意思，这样会使文书效果大打折扣。

就拿“苦读”的概念来说吧。很多申请者都喜欢在文书里走“苦情”路线，用大量笔墨描写自己的“苦读”经历。中国自古就有“头悬梁锥刺股”的故事和“十年寒窗无人问，一举成名天下知”的俗谚。简而言之，中国人认为学习是要吃苦的，“学海无涯苦作舟”。但是，这个看似简单的概念要传达给美国读者却有相当的难度。这其中的原因就是文化差异：在英语里，根本就没有“吃苦”这一说法。在美国文化中，读书是件快乐的事。美国人甚至不认为“吃苦”是优秀的品质，他们更看重的是读书的目的和结果。所以，我们在输出本土（东方）价值观的时候，一定要考虑西方读者是否能够理解和接受。倘若不能，就有必要进行适当的修改或增加注解。

下面是一个留学文书的改后例文。学生希望在文书中引用“头悬梁锥刺股”的故事，所以我们在对其英文原稿进行改写时，在讲清楚故事的基础上，反其道而行之，对“苦读”的观念表示反对。这样一来就避免了把申请者塑造成死读书的书呆子形象，会使其更容易赢得招生官的青睐。请看如下改后的部分例文。

In ancient China， there were two rather famous students-turned-scholars named Sun Jing and Su Qin. They studied very hard， but when they studied for a long period of time， they would get tired and eventually doze off. To fight exhaustion and stay awake， Sun Jing tied his hair to a house beam while Su Qin stuck an awl in his calf.

Almost everyone in China at some point in his or her life has heard this story. Many teachers and parents motivate their kids by repeating the story again and again. The idea being communicated is that learning is all about “eating bitterness”： meaning that learning is no fun. One has to endure severe hardship， stay up late reciting， writing and cramming for exams before one can savor the sweetness of graduation as a straight A student. I am not a perfect straight A student in the Chinese traditional sense …

除了文化典故，任何中国独有而美国没有的概念都需要谨慎处理，做必要的解释，以免引起误解。常见的概念主要包括以下三类。

1. 计量单位。米、公里、斤、公斤等需要换算成英制，人民币要换算成美元。

2. 地名。一般中国的地名译成英语时用拼音表示，但是除了北京、上海和广州，大多城市如果仅仅给出拼音，外国读者对它们基本没什么概念，所以申请者在写作时最好附上城市的具体方位。例如，温州就可以写为“Wenzhou， a prefecture-level city in southeastern Zhejiang province on Chinas east coast”，这样的表述就非常精准。当然，如果外国读者连温州在中国的哪里都不知道的话，那就更不可能了解那里是私营中小企业的集中地。所以，有时申请者甚至需要进行更为具体的补充说明。比如，有一个学生申请会计专业，在写长期职业目标时，他说要去温州帮助解决那里的私人借贷问题。所以在文中第一次提到温州时，他就需要做一点详细说明，即“Wenzhou， a prefecture-level coastal city in southeastern Zhejiang province famous for the vitality of its privately-owned small and medium-sized enterprises （SME）”。

3. 校园生活相关概念。对课代表、班长、团委书记、用作称呼或头衔的“老师”（如王老师）等要做相关解释，这些概念美国学校里都没有。

实例讲解

下面笔者对申请者写的一篇短文（Essay）进行分析，详细讲解如何对留学文书中涉及的中国特色元素进行必要的“西化”，以及解决其他可能造成读者误解而需要修改的问题。该申请者学的是汉语语言学，申请去美国读东亚语言文化硕士学位。由于版面有限，评析时暂忽略文书中的语言问题。

英文原稿和评析

I dream of being a teacher like my middle school Chinese teacher， Mr. Wang—a teacher can have a life-long influence on students； a teacher who is passionate about knowledge and who imparts this passion to the students. Many friends and fellow classmates of mine want to major in subjects that will lead to lucrative jobs， but I am obsessed with Chinese wenyanwen and classical literature， so I went to study Chinese Linguistics at Fudan University （FU）.

评析：在中国，“中学”既能指初中又能指高中，但在美国，初、高中各有相应的表述，middle school指初中，high school指高中，两者不能混为一谈。Chinese teacher既可以表示“语文老师”，也可以是“中国老师”，需解释清楚。“文言文”直接用拼音表示会让外国读者不知道指的是什么。

I met Professor Zhang at FU who taught me Chinese Phonology （音韵学）. Prof. Zhang is renowned for his pragmatic style of researching and strict style of teaching. For all his assignments I had to spend a lot of time looking into different references and books. My hard work was approved by his invitation to assist him in the collating of one of his books. Among his assistants I was the only undergraduate. Through this work I had the chance to learn my professors views on Classical Chinese phonology as well as some new theories. My knowledge was greatly enriched and my research scope broadened. Through this experience I learned to be more patient and conscientious in academics studies.

评析：段中描写自己刻苦学习和自我表扬的文字需要修改。招生官想看到的是苦读读出了什么成果，协助老师具体做了什么，学到的新理论有哪些，老师所著的书的价值是什么等。这些内容在申请者的文书中均没有体现。划线部分都是泛泛而谈，没有实质内容。

In September， I organized the phonologist Mr. Wangs lectures into text （to be published）. Through this process I learned many theories that were very fresh to me and was deeply moved by Mr. Wangs passion for academic research. I also gained a profound interest in ancient Chinese phonetic sounds. Later on， I organized a seminar on the phonetic history of ancient Chinese. Through free discussion we determined the topic for each issues discussion， and after the seminar we also read a lot of articles and shared each others knowledge. Thus we benefited a great deal from the seminars.

评析：本段主要存在的问题是部分信息没有交代清楚，比如September没有给出具体年份，Mr. Wang未交代是谁，两个organize的意思也不够明确（第一个指编辑、复印、排版还是誊写？第二个organize是指发起会议、主持会议还是预订场地？）。

Then， I began to compose my undergraduate thesis under the strict supervision of Prof. XX. My thesis is titled “The Brief Evolutionary History of the Category Yue.” I had to check all the material in this aspect from the Pre-Qin period till the present. So I stayed in the library everyday and looked up nearly one hundred books. Little by little I became clear of the evolution of yue and arranged it in chronological order. My final thesis was over eighty thousand characters， after four revisions under Prof. XX， whose strict requirements had taught me a lot during this process.

评析：本段中同样有很多信息没有交代清楚，比如Pre-Qin period （先秦）具体指哪个历史阶段，the Category Yue （上古韵部“月”）指什么，论文解答了什么难题等。另外作者通过旁敲侧击（比如老师严厉、我整天泡在图书馆等）来暗示自己论文质量高也不妥。因为中美文化不同，美国大学的招生官根本体会不到作者的良苦用心，相反，他们会觉得作者是因为论文缺乏实质内容才把一些无关紧要的细节拿来说事。

The guidance of a good teacher far surpasses the knowledge taught in class. I hope through this chance of studying abroad I will learn more profound theoretical knowledge and more developed ways of doing research， and thus I can become a good teacher whose passion for knowledge will pass on to the students so they can pursue knowledge.

评析：中国学生特别喜欢使用knowledge这个词，但这个词的意思非常空泛。像learn knowledge这样的表达是错误的，因为learn已经包含了知识这个概念，再加上knowledge就是画蛇添足，正确表述为acquire knowledge。

改后例文和评析

通过评析，我们可以看出上面的文书主要存在两方面问题：其一，塑造“苦读”形象，无法引起外国读者的共鸣；其二，对有中国特色的概念没有给出必要的解释，缺乏具体信息，描写空泛。针对这些问题，我们做了相应的修改。请看改后例文。

I consider myself somewhat artistically inclined. My interests range from musicals and dancing to photography and paintings. No matter how busy my schedule is， I always find time to go to a favorite show or start a new scrapbook album. However， these interests pale in comparison to my intense love of language. As a linguistics major， I see language， or rather the source of the power of language， both in its origin and in its current functioning， as directly related to human physiological， neurological， intellectual and cultural complexity. Language plays a central role in all aspects of human activity.

评析：本段关于申请者爱好广泛的描写使其摆脱了书呆子形象，并通过比较表达了他对学习语言的兴趣。

Besides my native Chinese language and its classical form， called wenyanwen， or Literary Chinese used from about 3，000 years ago to the early 20th century， I have also studied English and Japanese. When I showed up for my first Japanese lesson， my Japanese teacher asked why Japanese. Most students in class said because a foreign language was a prerequisite （先决条件） for graduation or because they wanted to emigrate to Japan some day. When it was my turn， I had to think for a second. I knew I was not there because it was in partial fulfillment of my degree program or because I could land a good-paying job in a Japanese firm. I therefore told the class that I was there because I loved the sounds of the Japanese language； I loved to figure out how the Japanese， as a language isolate， could have been so accommodating to foreign influences from Chinese and English and many other languages and yet never have to worry about losing its own identity.

评析：鉴于作者申请的是东亚语言文化专业，我们在本段比较详细地介绍了其对汉语和外语的兴趣。

I grew up at a time when China was in a frenzy to modernize. It was all too familiar to hear rags-to-riches stories of people making small investments in the stock market or real estate business and striking gold almost overnight. So， when I applied and was accepted by the Chinese Linguistics program at Fudan University （FU）， the inevitable questions from many relatives and friends were—“Why not finance or economics？” or “Why not law or political science？” or simply “Why？！”

It was almost as if I had to feel guilty about going for an obscure and probably least salable （畅销的） degree program in the job market. Not that I disliked money； not that I was uninterested in the political and legal affairs at home and abroad； I chose Chinese Linguistics because that was where my passion lay. Classical Chinese literature and poetry excite me the way archeological sites excite a historian. Of all the subject matters in my high school years， Chinese was my favorite. Mr. Wang， my Chinese teacher， introduced me to the world of ancient texts. These texts were made easy thanks to his tremendous insights in phonology， syntax， grammar and history. FUs Chinese Linguistics program is arguably the best in China. There， I delved deeper into the finer points of phonology， particularly the evolution of the category yue， a topic that became the focus of my graduation thesis. The objective of the study was to restore historical features and characteristics of yue as an independent section in ancient and modern-day Chinese phonology. I relied on my solid training in wenyanwen， vernacular and modern Chinese， a combined quantitative and qualitative methodology and my extensive readings on Chinese philosophy， history， literature， religion and Confucian classics to successfully complete what is， by all accounts， a voluminous thesis both in terms of length， 80，000 plus Chinese characters， and time span， covering more than 2，000 years worth of reference materials.

评析：上述两段描写申请者的学术和科研成就，突出了具体信息和细节，把“先秦”这个概念改为“两千多年的时间跨度”，让读者一目了然。

Additionally， I did research on the controversial debates on the Chinese-Tibetan genealogical linguistic link. I am particularly proud of my contribution as a member of the editorial staff for Professor XXX in his “Han Tone—an Inheritance and Innovation of Chinese Phonology， ”considered by many in the Chinese linguistics circle as the most comprehensive study to date of historical Chinese dialects using zone-distinguishing approach and quantitative methods.

评析：对英文原文的两个organize做了修改，使表述清晰明白。

Throughout history Chinese culture has had a great influence on neighboring East Asian languages. Korean and Japanese both have writing systems employing Chinese characters. Phonologically， the Chinese influence has been just as significant. But the influence has not always been one-way. Since Japans Meiji Restoration， China has found itself more at the receiving end of Japanese neologisms that used Chinese roots to translate European concepts， such as politics， chemistry， physics and science. Without such importation， modern Chinese language would be quite different and Chinas modernization itself would have been more difficult， if not impossible. The last couple of decades saw a dramatic surge of popularity of Korean culture in China， be it Korean music or soap operas. This phenomenon has been the subject of much discussion among researchers including linguists.

I am profoundly interested in the interconnectedness of China， Japan and Korea as well as their divergent paths in the development of their cultures and languages. All three have interacted with the Western world to reconstitute their own received cultures into modern societies， which， in turn have emerged as influential players on the world stage. The commonalities have not always produced good will and harmony. There have been conflicts and even wars， not to mention ongoing territorial disputes. If not managed well， hostilities can easily get out of control. Granted that politicians， diplomats， business people and scientists can all play an important role in resolving conflicts and fostering goodwill and neighborliness， but as an aspiring educator in Chinese and East Asian studies， I see myself as a cultural ambassador whose responsibility is to bring about people-to-people exchanges and cultural cross-fertilization. I am a strong believer in the power of our languages， mutually enriched by sharing and borrowing， to heal wounds， and to make peace.

评析：上述两段说明东亚文化既存在共通之处，也存在矛盾和冲突，从而顺利引出“我”希望利用自己的专业兴趣和专长，使它们能互通有无、取长补短。